Page 38 of Game Over

“That’s what sisters are for. I will never judge you, Em, never.”

“Me either, girl. We’re here for you,” Rachel agreed.

“Do you remember right at the end of my divorce how I went on that cruise by myself?”

“God, yes. I was a nervous wreck because it was a week-long cruise, and no one traveled with you. I can’t believe it’s been seven years now.”

“Oh, I remember the constant texts to check in.” She laughed and took another deep swig of her drink before continuing, “Well, during the cruise I did a lot of lying out, reading, swimming—your normal solo self-care stuff, right? I also used the gym so I could try and stay on track since that was when we first started getting into working out. Well, one day I ran into this gorgeous man while heading there, and I mean, I ran right into his chest because I was checking my itinerary on my phone. He was so sweet and caught me, and he apologized even though it was my fault. I stumbled over my words and quickly ran into the gym.” She had stopped talking and had this far-off look in her eyes as if she was reliving the moment again. I squeezed her hands, letting her know I was still listening and she could continue whenever she felt ready. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly before going on.

“That night, they had this party on the upper deck that was for singles. My divorce had only been finalized for, what, a month by that point? I needed a change, I needed to feel something other than self-loathing and doubt that I was making the biggest mistake of my life, because that’s what everyone kept telling me. I waited to go till a little after it had started, and I guess he had the same idea because we ran into each other again. He bought me a drink, we talked, and we ended up back in his suite. We actually ended up talking most of the week and spending some, um, time together if you get what I mean. Well, one morning, a couple from my old church came up and started asking about Dalton and why a husband and wife weren’t on such a lovely trip together.” She let out a small sob, and I pulled her into my chest to hold her and rubbed circles on her back.

Rachel jumped up, moved to her other side, and wrapped her arms around her as best she could. After a few moments, Emma continued, “Carson excused himself, and when I went to try to find him, he didn’t even let me explain; he just shut down and said he didn’t want to be someone’s dirty secret, and I never heard from him again.” Emma sniffled some more before it turned into full-body sobs. I took the glass from her hand and set it down on the table so we didn’t spill it.

“Hey, shh, it’s okay, I’m here for you.” I let her cry it out and held her. This must have been eating at her for the last seven years. She’s more stubborn than I am when it comes to unpacking stuff; sometimes I swear. If there was one thing she excelled at, it was compartmentalizing her emotions.

“Up until they came up to us, I was feeling normal again, I felt wanted and alive. I didn’t feel broken. Carson looked at me in a way that I hadn’t seen in a really long time. It had stung because it was all still so fresh. I don’t even know why I’m crying right now. I’m more pissed at how he acted, but also thinking back on the time with Dalton makes me so sad, and also mad at myself that I didn’t see what he was doing.”

“I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying this alone. Honey, that's not good for you. I know we both get in our own way sometimes, but your marriage and divorce were hard, and that’s putting it lightly. I can only imagine how deep those words cut you.” I squeezed her again in another hug, “But I’ll do my best to keep you two separated, I promise.” I leaned up, grabbed a napkin, and passed it to Emma.

“Everyone’s timeline for healing is different, too, so just because it had only been a month, if you felt ready to move on, even if just causally, then that’s okay. No one can tell you how to feel except yourself.” Rachel was running her fingers through Emma’s hair.

“No, it’s okay, I don’t want to mess up your relationship with Spencer because he seems like such an amazing guy. Maybe I’ll swallow my pride at some point and talk to him. I should chew him out for how dismissive he was.” She scoffed as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

“If you need backup, I’m here for you. I can bust his knee caps if you want? Sugar in the gas tank? We can break out the black-eyed peas and tarp if we need to.” I waggled my brows at her.

She busted out laughing and started to wheeze because she couldn’t breathe, sounding like a seal, which in turn made Rachel and me laugh twice as hard.

“Oh god, my ribs, they hurt, stop making me laugh!” Emma’s arm was banded around her chest as she bent over with laughter.

“You started it, Ems! You sounded like a dying animal or something.” Rachel got out between wheezes.

“Screw you!” Our fit of laughter continued till we eventually settled down. “Thank you both for listening to me. I should have told you forever ago, but we both know how I am. I don’t know what I’d do without ya’ll.”

“Of course, lovebug, I’ll always be here for you whenever you need me, no matter what. I love you so much.”

“No matter what, Ems, we’re here for you. Pinky promise.” Rachel stuck her pinky out, and we all clumsily wrapped them around one another, laughing again.

“I love you too. Wanna eat too much ice cream till we’re sick and watch Hocus Pocus?”

“Say less. I’ll grab everything while you get the movie started.”

“And I’ll grab us more wine!” Rachel added as she headed to the kitchen to grab the bottle.

Cuddled up together on the couch with almost every blanket I had and the tub of ice cream between us as we watched the movie, and then one of our favorite YouTubers did her makeup and talked about true crime for a few hours.

Knowing now what happened, Carson was on my shit list until Em told me otherwise. Maybe he had a reason for acting how he did, but until he explained himself to her and apologized, well, he could fuck off. I’ll be polite for Spencer's sake, but no one messes with mine.

Rachel didn’t stay the night since she had a family gathering the next day. After she left, Emma and I went and crawled into bed together, scrolling our phones in silence. Emma fell asleep before me with her phone still in her hand, so I gently took it and plugged it up for her. The woman sleeps like a rock, I swear. It had been an hour since Spencer had last texted me. I’m sure he was in some game or something with his friends. I already missed him so much.

Needy much there, Allie?

I slid out of the bed as easily as I could without falling off the side and tiptoed to the bathroom, gently closing the door so as not to wake Emma, and flipped the light on. Taking my pajamas off and laying them to the side, I propped my phone up on the counter with the timer set. Before I could overthink it, I posed in a few different angles and started snapping some pictures. When I was happy with how they turned out, I put them in a hidden folder and redressed. Leaning up against the counter, I scrolled through them, finding my favs. I cropped a couple down and shot a quick text off to Spencer.

Allie: Here’s a good luck charm for your next game ;)

Spencer: Fuck me look at you

Spencer: You’re fucking magnificent