Page 3 of Wilde Hearts

“What do you think about all of this, Nellie?”

She looked up at me with her bright blue eyes. She’d been named after my great-grandmother, Nellie Wilde. It was a beautiful name; one I’d hoped to use if I had a little girl. Of course, Caden had beaten me to the punch. To be fair, I never told anyone I wanted to use that name, so I wasn’t mad about it. Sad, but not angry.

I stared down at Nellie and fought back tears. My tiny niece was a reminder of how far I was from my dreams of a family of my own. When my younger sister Emeline married last winter, I was so happy for her…yet also jealous. Then she and Caden had both announced they were having babies in August, and it threw me into a serious depression that I’d been trying to fight off ever since. I hadn’t felt this sad in a very long time.

Not since the day Colt left me. Left everyone after Grady’s death.

Rocking Nellie, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d already missed my chance for my own happily ever after. Yes, I was only thirty and still had time, but would I ever meet someone I wanted to settle down with? Or had that dream vanished when Colt left?

I closed my eyes, and an image of Colt Owens popped into my mind. I quickly shook it away, but not before a tear slipped free and moved down my cheek.

Damn you, Colt. Damn you for making me cry all these years later.

Smiling at Nellie, I said, “I hope someday you meet someone like your daddy, Nellie. Someone who will love and cherish you.”

“I don’t think we have to worry about that just yet.”

I reached up and quickly wiped my tears away as Lilibeth walked over and sat down on the floor in front of me.

She reached up and placed a hand on my knee. “Are you okay, Ensley?”

Normally, I would plaster on a smile and say I was perfectly fine, but today I was far from feeling okay. So, I told her the truth.

“Not really.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I let out a long, heavy breath, wishing it would expel the sadness that felt like it was taking over my body. “I’m trying so hard not to be jealous of you and Emeline, I really am. But I’m struggling.”

Her face fell, and for a moment, I wished I hadn’t said anything. Still, in a strange way…it felt good to have admitted it.

“Oh, Ensley, I’m so sorry. You’re going to find love, I know you are!”

I let out a humorless laugh, then sniffled. “I had it once, Lilibeth. Do you remember I told you about Grady Owens?”

She nodded. “He was your best friend who…who died. Was he the love of your life?”

I sighed. “No, he wasn’t. We really were just best friends. I dated his brother, Colt, for a couple years. He was so heartbroken after Grady died, as was everyone. He withdrew into himself, and that left me feeling even lonelier. I had my family, of course, and Colt’s parents, whom I’m still very close to.” I smiled slightly. “It was Jacob, Colt’s father, who got me interested in being a farrier. I trained under him before I set off on my own.”

“Oh wow. Is he still a farrier?”

I nodded. “He is, but he’s been slowing down. Both Colt and Grady had been taught by their dad, too, and they were both going to take over the business one day. Although that wasn’t what Grady wanted. He always talked about wanting to travel the world and see things. He wanted to be a pilot. He’d taken flying lessons and loved it. I’m not sure if anyone else knew that was his ultimate goal. He might have told Colt, I’m not sure. I think he was scared to tell his father. They didn’t even know he knew how to fly a plane.”

“That’s sad he didn’t share that with anyone else.”

I nodded as my chest held that familiar ache. “Anyway, turns out neither of them stayed to help their father. The day after Grady’s celebration of life, Colt left River Falls. He was supposed to meet me the next morning, and we were going to spend the day together. He never showed up. I was so worried because he wasn’t answering his phone or replying to text messages. I don’t even have to tell you where my mind went. I panicked, went to his parents’ house to look for him, and found Lynn crying on the front porch. I nearly fell to my knees as one terrible thought after another ran through my mind.”

Lilibeth put a hand to her mouth.

“He’d packed up his things and left in the middle of the night. Left a note for his mother and father, telling them he couldn’t be in River Falls another minute. The guilt over his brother’s death was too much to bear. So he left.”

“He didn’t even tell you? Say goodbye?”

I shook my head. “I think I knew it was coming, though. The way he’d hugged me and told me he loved me the day before had been…off. I think even then, I knew he wasn’t going to meet me the next morning. But for him to leave without so much as a goodbye, I can’t even begin to tell you how hurt I was.”

“Did he leave you a note?”

Nodding, I softly said, “He did. It said that he was sorry, and for me to never forget the promise I made to him.”