Page 3 of Scarred Trust

“I could have strung your ex up for saying that to you, especially when you were barely out of your coma. You know you aren’t broken, don’t you? She was just too selfish to put anyone else first. You deserve better than that.”

“Every day is another small step. Though some days seem more like hurdles.”

“Grayson says you’ve done really well integrating back with your team. And that you seemed more upbeat after the Duffy’s run.”

“I dunno. I guess I’m feeling like one of the guys again.”

“Or maybe you want to stop by the pub sometime and try some of the food that lovely woman who puts a smile on your face is prepping in the early morning hours.”

“Ok, Mama. I’ll think about it. Tell me about what else you’ve been up to, besides getting cozy with my boss.”

“That reminds me, I need to get moving. I’ve got a committee meeting before I go to the library.”

Looking at my watch, I realized it was also almost time for my appointment with Dr. Askin. I made my way to the basement, which I had turned into my makeshift apartment. I couldn’t stay in my old room. It was haunted by the memories of my childhood with my brother.

After a quick shower, I logged online for my appointment. While waiting for it to connect, I stared at the ‘incident board’, remembering the anguish that had torn through me when I added my dad and brother’s deaths to the too many already claimed by these proclaimed accidents. The fact that I would never see them again was more intense than the searing pain that created my scars.

A year ago, multiple fire departments had to team up to put out the raging inferno in one of the older buildings in the South Loop of Chicago. While everyone cheered the building being saved, two other firefighters and I had walked through to ensure full containment. My dad and brother joked that they’d meet up with me at Duffy’s. I entered a seemingly quiet room before it erupted in flames from a smoldering pile in the corner. I never made it to the pub that night, and while I was in an induced coma, another fire had claimed both of them.

I checked the connection on my screen that stated that the doctor would be with me soon. My fingers traced the ridges down my neck and back. They felt warm, a warning that I’d been pulling them too much. I rubbed ointment into the pink damaged skin, hoping it would be appeased for a little while. Then I snickered at how pleased I am with myself that I can reach my entire back without help.

My mind flashed to Cate, wondering what her electrifying touch would feel like smoothing the lotion on me. Would she be willing, or would she be too repulsed to even look at me? The idea of her hands on me sent a shiver through me, just like when I had held her the other day at Duffy’s. I still wondered what she had been thinking of when she hadn’t taken her eyes off of me until the guys came out with an update.

“What’s new and good, Wes?” In my mind, her voice was wrong, but I could see her delicate features and porcelain skin that made me think of an elven queen. “Wes?” When I finally registered that it was Dr. Askin, I pulled a shirt over my head and turned my camera on when I had it in place. No one but the doctors and nurses had seen my scars since I left the hospital, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel comfortable enough to let that happen.

“Hey Doc. I’m here.”

“Tell me three good things that happened this week.”

“I don’t feel like the guys at the firehouse are staring at me, waiting for me to fall apart anymore.”

“Do you think the change is in you or them?”

“A bit of both, maybe. My PTSD is better mostly, or at least I can control my external reaction when we’re called to a blaze.”

“Are you taking the time to process through those reactions when you have some quiet time to yourself?”

“I’m trying. I forget sometimes.”

“That’s expected. Just keep doing the best you can. What’s another good thing in your life?”

“We had a fun non-fire call last week.”

“Were you rescuing kittens from trees?”

“Almost. A feisty cook at one of the local restaurants. She had lost track while doing something else. By the time we got there, she was on a table, fanning at the alarm like she could make a kitchen full of smoke go away.”

“I can’t recall you laughing once since you’ve been seeing me. This woman seems to have a magic prescription none of us doctors do.”

“Yeah, well, she’s the same one I told you about from high school.”

“Interesting. How does it feel to see her again?”

“She’s a nice person, just like she’s always been. She had no interest in me back then. Why would she have any now?”

“Is that you or your ex talking right now? If this woman from high school can bring such a positive reaction out of you, I think it’s at least worth talking to her and letting her decide.”

“I’ll think about it.”