Page 46 of Deep Daddy

Sammy’s return to the city was turning out to be a total nightmare – and to make matters even worse it was the type of nightmare that Sammy simply couldn’t see a way out of.

Sammy needed his Daddy to protect him and keep him warm.

But instead, Sammy was cold, alone, and feeling like there was no hope for the future.

Chapter 20

HARRISON

The house didn’t feel the same without Sammy, and nothing that Harrison could do would even get close to changing that.

Having arrived back from the bar feeling a little on the drunk side, Harrison decided to rustle up a late-night snack to make himself feel better.

‘If only I knew someone who was good with food, huh?’ Harrison muttered, clumsily banging into the corner of the solid-oak kitchen unit. ‘Pfft. Whatever. I’m a grown-ass man. I can make a fucking sandwich.’

Harrison picked up the bread knife and began angrily cutting away at the large sourdough loaf. Next up for the chopping board was a large tomato that Harrison just about managed to slice without removing his own fingers in the process too.

‘Grrrr. No freakin’ cheese,’ Harrison said, opening the refrigerator and seeing pretty much a barren wasteland aside from a couple of bottles of pale ale and a milk carton. ‘Oh well. Tomato sandwich it is.’

Harrison put the sandwich on a large white plate and wandered toward his study. Harrison sat down on his work chair and instinctively turned the computer on.

It was late.

Harrison was drunk.

But his instinct to work on his novel was still there. It was almost like a defense mechanism for him. Things may have been going all to hell with Sammy, and with Dean Hoffman too, but Harrison reasoned that if he could at least get some words on the page then that would go some way to helping him carry on like everything was normal.

‘Fuck, this is terrible,’ Harrison said, suddenly realizing that the tomato in his sandwich was probably a good two or three days past its best. ‘Damned Little. It’s all his fault.’

Harrison knew it was wrong to feel angry toward Sammy. He was simply lashing out. But there was something that was becoming clearer and clearer to Harrison, and it wasn’t a comfortable feeling to sit with either.

Harrison cast his mind back to when his former boy, Justin walked out and ended their relationship. It had always been the narrative in Harrison’s head that it was Justin who couldn’t handle the change in Harrison’s status when his book really took off and changed his life. Harrison had always been more than happy to lay the vast majority of blame at Justin’s door.

But gradually over the years, Harrison had known on a subconscious level that it wasn’t quite that simple. Being in a happy relationship with Sammy had helped to clarify that further – but now Sammy was gone, Harrison was refining his version of events even more.

I was so arrogant back then.

Always thinking of me and my success.

Maybe Justin just had to prioritize himself…

Harrison sat at his desk and stared at his off-color tomato sandwich. Was it possible that Sammy had grown tired with Harrison’s self-obsession over his career? After all, even in their short time together, Harrison had devoted a lot of time to working on his manuscript.

Perhaps it was possible that Sammy didn’t appreciate this, that he wanted to be the undisputed priority in Harrison’s life. And following this line of thinking, maybe this was why Sammy headed back to the city and was now ignoring Harrison.

‘Does the boy… just not want to be with me?’ Harrison said, running his fingers across his keyboard but not typing a word. ‘Just like Justin, Sammy had enough and needed to break away from me…’

Harrison felt an overwhelming sense of devastation come over him.

Maybe Sammy had a lucky escape and got out early.

Harrison could now see just how arrogant and cocky he had been in his younger years. No wonder Justin left him in search of something more, and something better too.

At the peak of his career, Harrison had once thought that the good times would never end. It was this arrogance that led to Justin walking out and Harrison blindly assuming that he would come running back. It never happened, and Harrison had allowed that to cast a shadow over him for many years.

If the same thing was happening all over again with Sammy, Harrison decided that the only real option he had was to face up to the truth as early as possible and accept it.

Sammy was gone.