Page 4 of Dance This Song With Me?

"What the fuck?"

Jase released his boyfriend and came to look over my shoulder.

"Oh, that's for people that need help with breaking the ice with a stranger... a lot of the people who write in are introverts."

"Does this shit actually work?" I asked, eyes literally bugging out as I read the lines he'd put together. I never had any trouble talking to someone new, so it wasn't something I had to think about. There were only a few entries and clearly Jase had been struggling to come up with anything original:

Hey handsome, wanna go for a drink?

I saw you here and I couldn't help coming over.

Hey, is this seat free?

Hey. I'm ____ . What should I call you?

Do you come here often?

Carajo! I slapped my hand over my face.

"What's wrong with it?" demanded Jase, scowling.

"Boring, boring, boring. These guys are coming to you to ignite their sex lives, not to bury their chances under a pile of steaming mierda!"

"Relationships, not necessarily sex. And you don't have to use any of these suggestions," Jase's tone was defensive now, "They're just to make the job easier for anyone filling in. You can suggest anything you like, within reason. Just don't get me sacked from my job because of it!"

"Yeah, well maybe I will do this. Looks like you need my help after all."

The long drawn-out sniff told me what Jase thought of that, but I was right. His game could do with a little freshening up.

"So you'll do it?" Eddy sounded so hopeful, how could I refuse? I knew this holiday was important to him.

"Sí, claro! For you, I will do it!" And for all the poor men who need better guidance than this, I thought.

Eddy squealed. "Thanks, Emi, you're the best!"

He came rushing over and nearly choked me with a bearhug. It wasn't surprising he thought this holiday was a big deal, since his old boyfriend never wanted to do anything fun with him.

"Yeah, thanks Emilio. I appreciate it," Jase chimed in.

"Welcome," I said. Then a thought hit me and I nearly choked on my own spit in my sudden panic. "Hey, wait! What if a lesbian writes in with something specific - I won't be able to answer!"

"Oh, that doesn't happen often. But you can ring Aima. Her number's in the back there. She's a friend of mine. Her and her girlfriend have helped me out a couple of times. She's promised to help anytime."

"Okay, then, phew!" my heartrate dropped back to normal and I ran my hand across my brow in an exaggerated gesture. "Tell me what else I need to know."

"Just the logins and passwords. And I can loan you the company laptop if you promise to keep it safe."

"Sure. No hay problemo, parcero. It will be safe with me."

I looked at the folder again. It definitely needed updating. I wasn't just going to be Aunt Macie for six weeks, I was going to be the new and less conservative Aunt Macie.

"Oh, and there's a budget too. You can pay for flowers to be sent, give gift vouchers for dinners and shit like that. Whatever you think is appropriate. That part of it is kinda fun. You need to keep receipts though."

"That's how you guys met, right?"

"Oh my God, YES!" Eddy shrieked. He literally glowed any time someone reminded him how incredibly romantic their meeting had been.

"You literally bought your boyfriend," I teased Jase.