Page 77 of You Met Me There

“How would you know? She literally just told me that she expects me to leave again and forget all about them. She said she doesn’t want to see the boys get hurt, and she doesn’t want them getting attached to me.”

“Natalie, sweetheart.” Luke strides to me, his warm, steady hands sliding up the sides of my arms. They stop on my biceps, and he grips me firmly, but not in any way that would hurt. Instead, it’s reassuring. Like he’s helping me stand when he knows I’m weak and vulnerable. “Jules is hurt that you left once, and she might be afraid you’ll leave again. But what are you proving to her right now by leaving like this—the same way you left nine, almost ten, years ago?”

I scan his eyes, searching that sky-blue ocean for something that will ground me and keep me from slipping under the surface. My chest aches, a pressure filling around my heart. I’m caged inside a bubble designed to shrink-wrap itself to my skin and suffocate me, but his touch gives me the space to breathe.

“Don’t leave,” he whispers. “You have to stop running. You ran from them before; you ran from me. Don’t let it become a pattern. Prove to her that you aren’t leaving like that again. Don’t let her be right.”

Luke’s words finally start to penetrate the fog I drove here in. I’ve always run away from anything that scared me. Even if it’s something good—I flee the potential, the mere possibility of things not working out. I feel too strongly. That’s what my therapist said … before I stopped going to see her. She wanted me to master the control of those feelings because—let’s face it—there’s no stopping them. But I didn’t stay long enough to learn the art.

I should have stayed in therapy. Maybe I’d know how to deal with all of this. Maybe I wouldn’t be falling deeper into this well of self-destruction that I dug myself.

At least I have Luke, my guiding light. I don’t know what I would have done without him if he’d have let me leave him like I thought I would. In reality, I don’t think I had the guts or the strength to leave him for good. I would have eventually crawled back to him, begging him to forgive me and love me again. But I’d still be in that place where dreams collide with reality, and I wouldn’t have been happy.

I bring my hands to his chest. “You’re the only one who understands me, Luke. Nobody here knows me anymore. How could they?” My voice softens, like a whisper that’s afraid to be heard. “But you? You followed me into my chaos. You knew what I needed. Even after the way I treated you, you still came for me.”

And I love him all the more for it—for loving me against all odds and despite how I treated him.

“But it’s so hard,” I murmur, struggling against the emotions flooding me. I’m a dam, ready to burst any second. “I always mess everything up. I can’t be what everyone wants me to be. I can’t change the past or how I hurt them all. I can’t make it up to them, and they won’t ever see me as anyone but the daughter—the sister—who ran away and disappeared. I ruined them. I ruined my family.” A sob escapes my lips. I desperately pull air into my lungs, shaking with the effort.

“Shh, shh, shh.” Luke consoles me, pulling me into his arms. I sag against him. My teary face presses into his chest, and my hair sticks to wet lashes. Luke’s arms wrap around my back, firm and unbreakable.

He rests his cheek against the top of my head, and his voice rumbles through his chest and into my ear. “You didn’t ruin the family. Everyone here has each other’s backs. They’re stronger for it. Did it suck for them? Yes, a hundred percent. But they made it through the hardest parts, and they got you back. And you? It’s just a matter of you proving to them that you’re back for good. Maybe you won’t live in Maple Lake forever, but you’re not leaving them forever. They want you here. I know they do.” He rubs circles on my back, and it calms my breathing. My lungs no longer burn for air.

“Juliet’s just afraid of being hurt again,” he continues. “She wants you to stay, to prove to her that she matters to you. That the whole family matters to you. Don’t let her down.”

I nod, unable to speak.

“Don’t let yourself down, Natalie. You already faced the hardest part, which was coming back. I know you want your family in your life.” When I don’t say anything, his hand stills on my back. “You do want to keep them in your life, right?”

“Yes, I do,” I say, meaning it with all my heart.

“Then don’t leave. Show them you’re here for them. Show Juliet you care enough to stay. And when you go back to Florida, make plans to come back before you even leave. Mark up your calendar with all the trips you’ll take back here.”

“Would you come back with me?” I look up at him, resting my chin on his chest.

He smooths my hair back from my face and wipes tears from my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “I’ll go anywhere with you. Even if I have to chase you down and knock on every stranger’s door to find you.”

A laugh chokes my tears. “Why are you so good to me, Luke?”

“Because you’re not good enough to yourself. You deserve better than you believe you do. You’re a good person, Natalie. And I’ll spend every day of my life proving it to you.”

More tears come. Luke leads me to the bed, the suitcase on the floor forgotten. He pulls me down, tucking his body around mine. His blue shirt is wet from my tears, and his arm is firm as it pillows my head. I don’t deserve anything he does for me, but I’m starting to see a sliver of hope that I can be worthy of it someday, somehow.

Could I really have everything at once? My family here to come back to, my home and job in Florida, Luke as a steady partner, and one day even be a mother? Maybe everything could come together. Luke’s shown me nothing but love since the day I met him, whether I’ve earned it or not.

A new flood of tears chokes me, and my body shakes in Luke’s arms. I can’t believe I was so stupid to run away from him. I almost lost him all on my own. It would have been my own doing—my own destruction. I’m a black hole filling up with all the things that mean something to me, shoving them deeper and deeper into a pit of myself until they disappear and everything is left wrong and empty.

“It’s okay, baby. Shh, you’ll be okay. It will all work out. Your family loves you. I love you.” Luke looks down at me. I meet his soft gaze. “You believe that, right? That we all love you?”

“Yes,” I say, my voice cracking. “I know you do. I just don’t understand why—why you’re still here with me after all I’ve done. After how I left you.”

“You were struggling. I understand that.” The tip of his finger slides across my wet cheek. “I don’t always know how to help you, but I will always try. If you want more time here in Maple Lake, we can work that out.”

I focus on the feel of his hand on my face, letting it iron out the wrinkles in my thoughts. “I think I need to get some balance back in my life. I still want to go back to Florida. See the clients I have scheduled for fall. If they’ll have me. I don’t know what my reviews look like since I left.”

“They’ll want you.”

I frown, not as confident as he is. “How do you know?”