Page 95 of Bitterness of Spirit

The next three days involved preparations for the journey to Hertfordshire and the upcoming wedding of Jane and Bingley. They planned to travel in a large party, with the Gardiners and Mr. Wilson joining the Bennet sisters and the Bingley siblings.

The tension between Elizabeth and Mr. Wilson went mostly unnoticed. Her major preoccupation was now Darcy, from whom she heard nothing.

While she struggled to be supportive for her sister, Elizabeth thought of little else but Darcy. She wondered how he felt, what he was doing—hoping that he would come to visit them and provide another opportunity to speak. But nothing of the kind happened, and her torment increased. She asked Bingley about him, but received no news. Bingley, lost in his excitement about Jane and their wedding, had little interest in anything else, including his friend.

The day before their departure, in the afternoon, Darcy eventually called along with Colonel Fitzwilliam and—to everyone’s astonishment—with Anne de Bourgh. Anne confessed she wanted to take her farewell and to express her warm wishes to the soon-to-be newlyweds.

Wilson greeted them warmly, and Darcy responded with restrained politeness.

They stayed for only half an hour; Darcy spoke mostly to Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner and to Jane. Mr. Wilson remained in a corner while Elizabeth shared only a few glances with Darcy and allowed herself to engage in conversation with Anne and the colonel.

When they were ready to leave, Darcy addressed Elizabeth for the first time. “Miss Bennet, I wish you a safe and pleasant journey home.”

“Thank you, sir.”

He stretched out his hand, and she briefly placed her hand in his palm. He squeezed it gently, the small gesture lingering enough to allow their eyes to meet.

“We hope to see you soon in Hertfordshire, Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth said daringly.

“I shall surely be there for Bingley’s wedding. I promised. And then I must return to Pemberley. Georgiana has been waiting a long time.”

“I understand…”

“Will you…your plans have not changed, I hope? You will come to Derbyshire this summer?” he inquired.

She blushed, delighted by his obvious interest. “Yes. At the beginning of June.”

“Perfect,” he replied.

His face was rather stern and aloof, and no smile brightened his dark gaze. But he held her hand in his longer than propriety allowed, and when he released it, their fingers brushed in a regretful goodbye.

Then he left—and so did she the very next morning, leaving London and her memories behind.

***

Three carriages travelled to Hertfordshire, one of them carrying two resentful sisters unwilling to forgive their brother for his most disadvantageous marriage. They held a grudge against everybody, and when the others stopped briefly at an inn, they continued on.

The journey home was quick and pleasant for the others but stressful for Elizabeth. Every mile took her further from Darcy, and with each passing moment, she felt his absence. It was harder than usual for her to keep pace with the conversation and jokes that entertained her companions and even less so to pretend a cheerfulness she did not feel.

Happily, they soon reached their destination, and the familiar surroundings improved her spirits.

Longbourn burst with tears of joy, happy cries, and warm embraces at their arrival. Mrs. Bennet, Kitty, and Lydia cried with happiness while Mary and Mr. Bennet welcomed them with more moderation.

After so many months of distress and sadness and fears, the family was complete again with such a bright future ahead of them that Mrs. Bennet could scarcely calm her nerves.

Mr. Wilson was invited to stay at Netherfield, and he accepted, but neither gentleman was allowed to leave before they ate, drank, and answered Mrs. Bennet’s countless questions. They eventually were allowed to leave only to change clothes before returning for dinner; they spent most of their time at Longbourn in anticipation of the wedding.

From the first day of the family’s reunion, Longbourn became utter chaos, much to Mr. Bennet’s despair. He stayed in the library with his brothers-in-law when he could, but the din of loud voices and cries passed through walls.

Elizabeth had the joy of spending a little time with her father. She had missed the comfort and security he always provided; his mere presence calmed her.

However, she found little rest or peace. Sleep evaded her, and her thoughts were so filled with worries that she barely felt the joy that surrounded her.

Even worse, to her mortification, she found herself dreaming of Darcy in ways that never happened before. She vividly recollected her sensations when their hands touched, when he whispered in her ear and his lips touched her skin, when he held her hands, and when they were close, their bodies touching in the secret room.

She remembered his scent, the line of his jaw, the locks of hair on his forehead, the twist of his lips, and the depth of his gaze when he stared at her.

She found herself overwhelmed by sensations she never experienced before, her rest disturbed by heat and chills that warred inside her. Her appetite for food and joy was lost, her spirit defeated by longing. Slowly, all the doubts about the nature of her feelings vanished. Her mind cleared, and her heart opened. She missed him dearly; she not only admired and respected him, she wanted to see him again, to speak to him again. She wanted him.