Page 4 of Bitterness of Spirit

“That was a brief and eloquent summary of the present situation, Richard. But if you expect an answer, I have none at the moment.”

The colonel’s expression sobered. “I am genuinely concerned about you. I know this time is a difficult one for you, but you must try to enjoy life more. I have not heard you laugh in ages, Darcy. There are so many people who want you in their lives, but you prefer to avoid them. You seem to withdraw to yourself more and more, and Georgiana follows your lead. You both need something or someone to cheer you, to bring joy into your home. I have struggled to do it for years with little success, so you obviously need someone better.”

She would have been perfect for that; she is the embodiment of liveliness, and there is no more beautiful laughter than that in her eyes. It was the first thought that crossed his mind, but he chased it harshly. “Your efforts and affection are appreciated, cousin. You know too well that you have always been Georgiana’s favourite person. Her face lit in your presence when she was an infant.”

“You are Georgiana’s favourite person, Darcy. But I shall gladly take the second place. For Thomas and me, she is the sister we always wanted, and for my parents, she is like a daughter.”

“I know that. And I am grateful for your care. However, I must insist that you not push me in a direction I do not want to take. I know for certain that my marrying Anne would bring happiness to no one except Aunt Catherine. Anne will always be under my care in another way—in a better way, I might say.”

“I understand you, Darcy. I think my parents insist upon this, as they believe it to be the best choice for you and Anne. After all, such marriages rule our society. You and Anne care for each other and would always be friends. She would not oppose you living your life like all the other gentlemen we know. She and Georgiana will have each other’s company and your protection.”

Darcy’s temper coloured his face. “So the best thing for Anne and me would be to marry so she can stay home with my sister while I keep one or several mistresses and spend my time at cards and parties? Is that my aunt and uncle’s picture of marital felicity?”

“Come now—you know that is not what I meant. You make it all sound horrible. We just want you to be happy. I hate to see you becoming angry for no reason.”

“Richard, I am not in the mood for such a discussion at present. Perhaps your parents are right. I might come to marry Anne one day since neither of us seems to have better choices. But let us postpone this debate.”

“Neither you nor Anne have better choices because Aunt Catherine keeps Anne at Rosings while you keep to yourself wherever you go. Very well, we shall not debate the subject any further—for now.” The room became silent for a few moments, and they refilled their cups of coffee.

I can never afford to let down my guard. If I do, I shall be in great danger, Darcy answered to himself. He hoped the conversation would move to a more relaxed subject but had no such luck.

The colonel glanced at him, and a mischievous smile indicated there was more to come. “Despite the fact that I already know your opinion, perhaps taking a mistress would not be a bad idea. It would provide you with some relaxation and entertainment.”

Darcy’s sharp glare interrupted the colonel’s amusement. “I can think of many things more entertaining than to pay a woman to be at my disposal. The only thing more despicable is a master who forces himself upon a servant. How can anyone find ‘relaxation and entertainment’ in such an arrangement?”

“Come now, you are being ridiculous. An entire world is living on such arrangements. You cannot be above us all by being the only one to oppose it. And I surely do not suggest forcing anyone—I speak of a mutually agreed upon arrangement that brings pleasure to both parties. Even more so, several ladies would gladly welcome meeting with you a few times a month. You know them as well as I do—and perhaps even better. You cannot pretend to be a saint.”

“I am not a saint—quite the contrary. And I surely do not pretend to be better than anyone else. But age has brought wisdom and changed the way I perceive my life. Perhaps I expect too much, but I surely do not intend to marry only to search for joy elsewhere. And now—more than any time before—I know I am right.”

“Well, well—I confess you have lost me. More than any time before? Has anything happened recently—other than secluding yourself in Hertfordshire with Bingley and his sisters? By the way, what is wrong with Bingley? He has not been at the club in the last weeks. Hurst told me he is visiting Beaumont in Cambridge.”

“Nothing is wrong with him. He is just visiting a friend,” Darcy answered hesitantly.

“So he left a property he just rented, only to visit someone else’s property. Peculiar. If I were to guess—and knowing Bingley—there must be a lady involved,” the colonel declared with amusement. “Does it involve the lady he fell in love with in Hertfordshire, the one you convinced him to abandon?”

Darcy made no reply.

“Come, Darcy, it must be something serious since Hurst said Bingley’s sisters were relieved and grateful for your help. Caroline will surely take it as a sign of your affection.”

Laughter followed the colonel’s last words, but Darcy’s severity increased.

“It is not a subject for amusement, Richard. It is true that Bingley allowed himself to be charmed by a young lady whose beauty was superior to her situation in life—and her family’s manners, certainly. He was greatly disappointed when he discovered his mistake.”

“There is nothing new in this; I have often seen Bingley in love with beautiful young ladies.”

“This time, there was a serious attachment on his part. I believe he was tempted to bind himself to the lady.”

“Truly? I can imagine his sisters’ despair. We all know they dream of seeing him married to Georgiana…and you to Caroline.”

Darcy’s voice was ice-cold. “Richard, for heaven’s sake, stop talking nonsense. Georgiana is not even out. Nobody in his right mind would think of her marrying. I do not deny that I would be at peace to know she will someday bestow her affection upon someone with Bingley’s kindness and generous heart. But that is years away. As for my marrying Caroline, I shall not even dignify such a thing with a reply.”

His sharp tone only increased the colonel’s laughter. “Very well, let us return to Bingley. I somehow feel that the manners of the young lady’s family upset you more than our young friend.”

“He could not see clearly, so it was my duty to open his eyes. And the family situation was nothing compared to the fact that the lady obviously did not return his affection. She is a young woman of remarkable beauty with little that can be held against her. But she has four younger sisters, and their property is entailed to a cousin. So she must enter into any marriage that will provide some safety to her family. I thought Bingley was too much in love to be content with so little. Though the lady had no dowry, no connections, a mother with little dignity, a father with little care for anything but his own comfort, and three sisters with no talent and poor manners, she at least should have been deeply in love with him in order to make a proper wife.”

“Dear me, so many things to object to with little to be held against her! So, she had four sisters or three?”

“Four…but the second one was beyond reproach. I admit she was the most exceptional lady I have ever met.”