Page 94 of Not a Fine Gentleman

Margaret pressed one hand over her head and the other over her lips. Used and discarded? He believed she wanted a mere dalliance, to use him and then cast him off when he no longer amused her. But she’d never do that.

What, exactly, did she want from Connor Jackson?

Marriage? She was recently widowed; marrying again so soon would certainly cast more doubt on her character. Not to mention their difference in station. What would people think? After years of cultivating a place for herself amid the very center of the most respected and influential people in society, she could not simply shake that off.

What would her family think? They were open-minded, but an alliance between Margaret and a member of the working class, who was also illegitimate, went beyond the pale.

Nor did handing over her new-found freedom to another man hold any appeal. She wanted to enjoy herself as an independent woman. Travel. She’d always wanted to visit Germany, explore an ornate German castle. Also, Greece and Italy. The French Riviera. Ride a camel and climb an Egyptian pyramid.

Would those exotic places be as enjoyable alone? She’d craved her independence, but that no longer appealed.

She had never wanted a man the way she wanted Connor. In the beginning, Hennessy had been exciting in his suave, masterful worldliness. He had known all the right people, done and said all the right things, and had been in possession of so much power and wealth. They had lived in glittering glamour...until it had all crumpled under the weight of his lies and perfidy.

With Connor, she could kick off her shoes and curl up in front of a fire, and simply sit within the circle of his arms. Or search for shells on a seashore.

Was that enough on which to forge a relationship? The truth was, she loved their banter, his smile, his quick wit, and his kindness. She admired his courage and his honor. Those were commendable virtues—none of which Hennessy had possessed.

She circled around to the bigger question: What did she want from Connor? Friendship? No, they passed that option when they kissed. Lovers? Her moral center shrank from that, and clearly, Connor’s did as well.

So, where did that leave them?

Deep inside wailed a fear that she lacked whatever it took to keep a husband happy. She was inadequate.

No, she didn’t dare take another chance on love again.

Her heart warned her it was too late.