Page 41 of Road Refugees

Wolf explained. “It’s where you post things for sale, houses for rent, that sort of shit. Whenever we need to find him, we post an obscure, mysterious message on Craigslist. Something like, ‘Need Radioactive Waste? We need you!’ And we have him call a burner phone.”

“Seriously?” Town and I both said at the same time, gaping. I went to sit next to Town on the couch, surprised when he put his arm around me in front of everyone.

Wolf said, “Serious as a barroom brawl. He has an agreement with Amtrak that he doesn’t board at the station, but he jumps on when it’s moving slowly out.”

Why was I the only one not laughing like a sheep? I mean, these men, including Town, were gurgling like drains at the antics of Santiago Slayer. How could they laugh? This poor man was on the run! He had some “subtler approach” to Byron Riddlesberger? Was he a financial man? Was he somehow going to reason with Riddlesberger?

“Oh man!” gasped Slappy. “That’s rich! I’ve got to meet this guy.” He was looking at his phone as he chortled, and his expression suddenly went blank. “What?” he whispered. Without tearing his eyes from his phone, he rose slowly from the couch as though in a trance, willing himself to be weightless.

Town shook so hard with laughter he was jiggling me. I didn’t move because I was proud he had his arm around me. That kiss he’d laid on me in the woods when I was coming to, that had just floored me. How was such a sexy man not snapped up by some woman more capable than me? His warm and lusty moves were those of an honest and experienced man, someone who deserved more than a stupid farm woman! I swear, when he clamped my nipple between his teeth I nearly came to orgasm. How was that even possible? My gash was just dripping with juices, and when I gripped his thigh with mine and humped, the orgasmic flutters rolled up my inner channel. And I was barely moving!

Imagine what would happen if this man touched my bare skin?

And now here I was, like any ordinary spouse, sitting next to this exemplary piece of manhood on a couch, my head practically resting on his shoulder.

Slappy smacked his own forehead. “What the fuck?” He finally tore his eyes from his phone in order to turn it around and shove it in Wolf’s direction. “What did you do, you motherfucking numbnuts?”

Wolf frowned with annoyance. “What do you mean,” he stated.

“Fuck off and die, you ass gasket!”

“Hey, hey,” said Town, slicing his hands through the air.

Wolf looked blandly at all of us, shrugging. He mouthed something that looked like “I have no idea.”

Slappy stood like an umpire calling a fair ball. “When you took my phone to fix it so I could text my wife!”

Rolling his eyes, Wolf stood. It was evident that Slappy was much wider and buffer than him, but Wolf seemed to have no fear. Maybe that was his value to the Bare Bones. “Look, if you just give me somewhat of an idea what you’re referring to . . . I did a tower dump to find your wife’s location and—”

Slappy’s voice could be heard echoing down the mountain. “And blathered our conversation to every single person in my address book!”

Town stood, taking the phone out of Slappy’s hand as he advanced on Wolf. “Ho, ho, there Slappy. Let Wolf explain before you go pounding on him.”

Now Wolf looked seriously consternated. He didn’t seem to notice when Slappy grabbed a handful of his T-shirt and rattled him, he was so intent on getting the phone from Town. “What the . . . “

Slappy shook him, then tossed him away. “It recorded our entire fucking conversation and sent it to half the people in my address book!”

Town asked, “I thought it was everyone?”

Slappy instantly calmed to the level of a roaring jet plane. “Well, maybe a quarter. Looks like everyone in my family group.”

I ventured to say, “I hope you weren’t saying anything too embarrassing.”

“Well, no,” sputtered Slappy, “unless you count ‘Heaven sure is a sexy wench’ as being too embarrassing.”

I blushed. It was embarrassing, but in a good way. “Did you really say ‘wench’?”

Tanner slapped his thigh with amusement. “Good one, buddy! And what else did you say? You might as well tell us, since we’re all going to find out anyway.”

Crybaby said, “Or his family will.”

“Hold it, hold it,” yelled Wolf, brandishing the phone aloft. “I think I’ve got a fucking answer to this.”

The room settled. All you could hear were some embers in the fireplace cracking and falling.

“Lookie here,” Wolf still yelled, although he didn’t need to. “It recorded our conversation.”

“No shit, Sherlock!” blared Slappy. “How the fuck did it do that? No one said ‘Alexa.’”