Page 34 of A Laird and a Healer

Ryan sucked in his lower lip. For a moment, he considered it, but then shook his head. “For all I know, ye are a viper sent here tae poison me.”

Caroline threw her hands in the air and flung her head back. Her hands came to rest on her hips.

“Oh aye, Ryan, there are enemies all around. Ye cannae trust anyone. It must be a hard life tae live, viewing everyone with suspicion.”

“Only when I hae just cause,” he replied through gritted teeth.

“Ye brought me here. Ye captured me. Ye came after me when I escaped. Ye made me yer bride. All of this is yer daeing. How can I be the viper?”

Ryan turned his head to the side. “Perhaps it was all by design. Ye were found in my territory. Ye must hae known ye would hae been brought tae me.”

“I dinnae mean tae be captured. I wanted tae keep moving, but Nessa saw a camp and got greedy. She pushed her luck and alerted yer patrol. That’s why we were captured, nae because of some grand ploy, but just because of dumb luck. What am I even supposed tae dae here? Kill ye? With what?”

Her question was met with silence. Ryan had much to think about.

“I dinnae lie when I told ye why I came here. My uncle wanted tae marry me, and only the gods know what he hae planned for my sisters. I wanted tae escape him, nae work for him. I hae never liked him, and I want tae know the reasons ye hae for believing that he killed Da.”

“I cannae trust ye like that.”

“Then what are we daeing, Ryan?” she asked with a challenging glare. “Are we tae spend our whole lives like this? I suppose ye hae nae given any thought about me, though, hae ye? Yer mind dinnae work like that. There’s nae room in yer heart for compassion.”

“There ye gae again, assuming that ye know me. Ye hae nae idea of what ye speak, lass.”

“Then tell me. Give me something. Anything.”

She opened her palms to him. There was a desperate look on her face. He studied it for a few moments and then leaned forward, deciding that he was going to give her what she wanted.

“Fine, lass, ye want tae know what made me this way? It was yer Da. My Da and brother went out tae protect their land, and they fell foul of Laird Gilmour. They were struck down in battle, their blood soaking the Highlands. They were brought back with their wounds gaping and their eyes staring intae the abyss. I was just a lad. I was wracked with guilt that I hae nae been there tae defend them, or tae die with them.

It seemed wrong that the clan was robbed of its laird and the rightful heir, leaving me behind. What right did I hae tae survive? Why was I spared this fate? I was just a lad and I hae tae bury my da and my brother, and then I was named Laird. I was forced tae grow up and ever since that day I hae done what I need tae dae in order tae protect my people, just like my Da and brother would hae wanted, just like they would hae done.

I hae done my best tae live up tae their memory, but I can never forget the fact that yer clan took their lives. I cannae let that gae without punishment. Sae if I am a man without emotion, it’s only because yer clan and yer Da made me this way. I changed that day. The boy I was, he died along with them, only he was nae buried in the ground, he was buried in my heart.”

These last few words crashed through the air. Ryan jabbed his fingers into the middle of his chest, the raw emotions taking him by surprise. His throat was tight and he gasped for breath. The tension in the air dissipated. Caroline tilted her head towards him and a look of sympathy came into her eyes.

“Ye must hae been around the same age as Tara,” she said softly, and this seemed to frame his plight in a different way in her mind.

“Aye,” he averted his gaze, hating how she made him talk about this.

He had kept it locked up for so long. Caroline stepped towards him, closing the distance between them with silent footsteps.

“It must hae been hard for ye tae lead the clan.”

“It was always my brother’s right. I was always taught tae support him.”

“Da told me that ruling a clan was the hardest thing anyone could ever dae.”

“That sounds about right,” Ryan inclined his head.

“By the looks of it, ye hae done a fine job. The people here are healthy, and they look at ye with respect. I must admit, I dinnae quite understand how they could treat ye like this, but I suppose ye treat them differently tae me.”

There was a hint of humor in her voice. She stopped just short of him, but close enough that he could catch her sweet scent in the air.

“I know ye want me tae be afraid of ye, Ryan, but I want tae work with ye. If what ye say is true, then our goals are aligned, and I can help ye.”

Her eyes were wide and liquid and beautiful. He searched them for deceit, fearing that if he allowed himself to yield to these feelings, then he would be exposing his soul to betrayal.

“Tell me why ye believe my uncle killed Da,” she whispered.