Page 16 of The Firefighter’s Forever

“I know that.”

“Do you?”

I drag in a breath. “No.”

Her expression goes tender. “A baby is a wonderful thing, Harmony. That doesn’t mean it isn’t also frightening and overwhelming and every other feeling that keeps changing by the hour.”

“That makes it sound very magical.”

She smiles. “Motherhood usually is, in the least tidy way possible.”

I lean my head back against the wall and stare at the ceiling. “I wanted kids. I always have. I just thought it would happen differently.”

“With a ring on your finger and a house picked out?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s a perfectly normal thing to want.”

“I know. I just feel stupid for being sad about an imaginary version when there’s an actual baby involved.”

“You’re allowed to be sad about the picture changing,” she says. “That doesn’t mean you won’t love the picture you get.”

My eyes burn, and I press my lips together hard.

She squeezes my knee. “Your father and I are here. You don’t have to move out. You can stay as long as you need, and when the baby comes, we’ll help however you want us to help.”

“I’m grateful for you guys,” I tell her. “I really am.”

“I know.”

“I just...” I swallow. “I don’t want to feel like I’m moving backward.”

“Coming home when you need support isn’t moving backward.”

I nod, but an ache remains in my chest. Because I can picture it so clearly, the version I always thought I’d have. A house. A crib in a sunlit room. A husband who comes up behind me while I’m making tea and rests his hand over my stomach because the baby kicked.

For one fleeting, dangerous second, the man in that picture has Lucas’s face.

Mom pats my knee, pulling me back before I can get lost in it. “Come downstairs with me.”

I blink. “What?”

“You’ve done enough list-making for one night.” She stands and holds out her hand. “We’re going to make grilled cheese sandwiches, and then we’re going to watch something where absolutely nobody is pregnant, unemployed, or making major life decisions.”

A laugh slips out of me. “That rules out a lot of shows.”

“Then we’ll be very selective.”

I look at the notebook, at the huge list of everything I don’t know how to solve, then close it.

For tonight, I let my mom pull me to my feet.

7

LUCAS

“Well, the kid is definitely stubborn.”