Page 75 of Here You Are

“Just a hunch. I think mothers can usually sense when the time is coming.”

“I don’t think I’m ready.”

“You’re ready. You got this.”

And sure enough, at 2 a.m., I awoke to a giant wet spot in our bed and some pretty severe cramp-like pains.

“BEN!” I yelled, loud enough to wake up the whole house.

He didn’t even sit up in bed. He went straight from sleeping to standing.

“Is it happening?” he asked, staring at me with his heart eyes exploding out of his head.

“Yes. Holy shit. Why didn’t anyone tell me contractions hurt? I thought it was the actual getting-the-baby-out part that made people scream. Someone get me an epidural.”

Ben walked over to my side of the bed and helped me up. We worked together to get our hospital items ready, and Ben called Widow Jenkins to come sit with the girls. Since my screaming didn’t wake them up, we decided to let them all sleep. We had explained in advance that if they woke up with Jenkins at the house, it meant we were probably at the hospital having a baby.

We got into the car to head to the hospital. I was surprised at how calm everything was. There was no running or screaming. It was just us. Going to have a baby together.

“Ben, I’m scared.”

“What are you scared of, Toots?”

“That I can’t do this. That something will be wrong. I’ve been given everything I’ve ever wanted, and I don’t want to lose it.”

“You can be scared, remember? I’m not scared, and I promise to get you through this. It’s you and me, babe. And the baby. And all of those other kids back at home.”

Chapter 30

April 20th, 2022

I fell in love three times in the last year. First, with Ben. The guy who was right there in front of my face the whole time. The man I said wasn’t my type, but I thought I didn’t deserve him. I had already developed strong feelings for him, and the night we told his kids about the baby, I saw him lead his family with sensitivity, honesty, and love. I knew I was in it for life. It just took my head a little bit to catch up to my heart. And then a little longer for my mouth to tell him the words he needed to hear.

Then, I fell in love with his girls. We have had hiccups along the way. I had to find my place in their lives, but it has filled such a missing piece for me. Taylen started calling me “mama” when I moved in. She has become my best little girlfriend. She adores having a woman around to help her with her hair, clothes, and other girly things. Ben doesn't have to wear nearly as much makeup as before. Ben goes back and forth between feeling grateful for the relationship we have and heartbroken that she didn’t have that sooner. I still catch him getting misty-eyed when we are together.

Linden has had some ups and downs, but I think they are just the normal aches and pains of life changes and getting older. She seems to be finding her place in the world. We have developed a strong relationship, and sometimes Ben inserts himself between us, so we don’t forget about him. He’s adjusting to not being the only adult in their life. It’s been best for everyone, but it still takes time.

Brooklyn still calls me Cassie and makes it clear, often, that I am not her mom. She gets upset with the situation sometimes, but we have found some middle ground that works for us. Some days she is hot, some days she is cold, and each day brings a new challenge. Recently, she mentioned to me who she has a crush on, so I think that got me into her circle of trust. I will likely be back out of the circle of trust, soon. I don’t know how to parent a teenage stepchild, but does anyone, really? We just do the best we can, make mistakes, apologize, and start over. My favorite part of parenting a teenager has been the quiet looks between Ben and I. Neither of us knows what is going on or what to do. It’s like I always pictured, having a secret, silent language with the person you are doing life with.

Who knew you could get pregnant with one child and wind up with four kids, all different ages? Never in a million years would I have envisioned my life ending up this way. I couldn’t have dreamed that big. They have been an incredible addition to my life, one I’m not sure how I lived without before. I can barely even remember what it was like to be single and living alone. There are times when life is overwhelming, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

On April 10th, 2022, I fell in love again. With a little boy named Finn. I didn’t know how I would have room in my heart for this baby with all the love I had for his dad and his sisters. The second I held him in my arms, our family felt complete. He looks like a mini version of Ben, with tiny little blond curls on the back of his head that he definitely got from his mama. He is the sweetest little boy. I am so grateful for Ben’s persistence in getting me into his bed, this unplanned pregnancy, and also the Super Sperm. If I thought seeing Ben be a dad before was attractive, watching him fall asleep with a tiny baby in his arms has brought things to a whole new level. I bet a lot of women say this about their partners, but he is the best dad. I thought it before, and I know it now. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for our family. I am so deeply in love with him, that I wake up every day next to him and find myself in disbelief of how my life has changed. How lucky I am. How things could change in a year.

Thank God for that meddling old lady across the road. I don’t know how much of what happened was a result of her actions or from pure luck, but I am grateful. She helped me open my eyes so I could have everything I’ve ever wanted.

But, please don’t tell her I said that.

Epilogue

Ben

April 10th, 2023

Finn’s First Birthday

I knew the exact moment I was going to ask Cassie to marry me.

You might think it was after we found out she was pregnant, or when I first said I love you, or after the baby was born, and I saw her as a mom. However, it was before all of that.