Page 51 of Here You Are

“I like her spirit. I think she would be a great partner in crime, so I'll focus on building that type of relationship with her. I would hate to be on her shit list.”

“Me too. She scares me a little,” he laughs.

I realized I was still holding Ben’s hand and made a move to slip my hand away. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him on the couch. I looked over at him, taking in his profile as he watched the TV. I find myself constantly looking at him, trying to decide if I find him attractive. He definitely did things to my insides when we kissed; however, he is so different from anyone else I have dated. He is a fully middle-aged man with a bit of a dad bod and a very Midwestern dude vibe. Meaning, he’s always dressed casually, probably wears New Balances, has tools—and knows how to use them. I’m guessing he eats potatoes with every meal.

He caught me staring at him and turned to face me so our lips were nearly touching. I moved to turn my face, but the hand that wasn’t holding my hand came to rest on the side of my face. There was an electric intensity between us as we looked into each other's eyes with only inches between our faces.

“I can’t stop thinking about our kiss the other night,” he says as he lightly runs his fingers over my cheek and down my neck. I tried to suppress a shudder, but the sudden glint in his eyes let me know that he definitely clocked it. He continued to lightly dance his fingers up and down my throat, sending full-body goosebumps to erupt all over. “I think I have a little crush on you, Cassie, but I’m not sure it’s reciprocated. Tell me what you’re thinking."

Well, what I was thinking was: I don’t know if I’m attracted to you. It seems my head is confused, but my body is definitely not. I am not willing to share this thought with him, obviously. So instead, I lean in slightly toward his lips, and he meets me the rest of the way.

The kiss started off soft and sweet, like the one in his kitchen after the party. It did not stay that way. Ben was pulling me on top of him, crashing his lips into mine. Both of our hands were roaming each other's backs, sides, and stomachs. After a few minutes of intense making out, his hands went underneath the hem of my shirt and were making their way toward my bra. I felt his fingertips skim under the fabric of the cups, and a little moan escaped from my mouth. I am acutely aware that we are in the living room of the house he shares with three young women, but people with kids have private time, so I figure this must be normal and fine.

I am definitely into this. He is a great kisser, and I want more. Just as I am about to lift my shirt off to give him easier access, I hear a crying noise coming from upstairs. We both freeze and listen.

“Maybe someone is having a bad dream. I’d better go check quickly. Don’t. Move.”

I climbed off of him and sat back onto the couch. I look at Ben, who is taking a deep breath as he runs his hand down his face. I saw him adjust himself and take another deep breath, clearly trying to gain some control over his body before heading upstairs.

Then we hear another cry followed by “Daddy. I threwed up.”

I felt a look of alarm cross my face and looked at Ben, who was chuckling. He started to stand up and said, “My God, Linden. What a little cock blocker. You still like her?”

I giggled quietly and said, “Not if she keeps this up.” I start to stand up, as well. “I’ll head home; you're suddenly quite busy.”

“No. Stay. Please. For me, vomit is an aphrodisiac.”

“Well, you would really like me when I drink too much, then.”

“If I’m not back in five minutes, you can go. I really hope you stay.”

I nod as Ben backs away and heads toward the stairs, leaving me quite hot and bothered. This is a new experience. We are taking a make-out break for a dad to go clean up vomit. I return my attention to the show we are watching, trying to figure out what happened while I was distracted. My mind keeps wandering back to the incongruencies between what my mind is thinking about Ben versus what my body is feeling. Maybe I have just been single for so long that any warm-blooded creature would interest me. I then reassure myself that I am not that desperate because I do not get turned on seeing Mr. Thompson’s naked body every night.

I hear Ben making his way down the stairs. It must have been a small incident because it is quiet upstairs again.

“Is everything okay?”

He comes to stand by me but doesn’t sit down. “I think so. She said she threw up, but I found no evidence of that. Maybe she was having a bad dream. Or maybe I'll find a special treasure when I'm cleaning her room someday.”

“Gross. To be clear, vomit is not an aphrodisiac for me, and if I encounter a secret stash of puke, I will be adding to it.”

“Noted. I'll do a thorough investigation tomorrow in case you ever decide to have a sleepover with Linden. Although, if you have a sleepover here, I hope Linden isn’t your first choice for a bed partner.” He pulls me up to standing and into a giant bear hug. “Did this ruin everything?” he whispers in my ear.

“No, it didn’t ruin anything. However, I'm very aware of how many sleeping children could wake up and start lurking around this house at a moment’s notice.”

He backs up slightly and reaches for my hand. Grabbing my hand, he says, “Come here,” and starts pulling me toward the downstairs hallway. I haven’t explored this part of his giant house, but we walk past a bathroom and then to what appears to be a spare bedroom. He pulls me through the door, turning around to shut and lock it.

“Now we’re safe.” He uses the hand he is holding to pull me into his body. Our bodies are touching legs and torsos. He slides his warm hands back up under my shirt and says, “Can we pick up where we left off?”

I answer his question by pulling my shirt over my head. I don’t sleep around that much. I also don’t need to meet a minimum requirement of dates to be with someone. If I’m feeling it, that is a good enough justification for me. He bends down to start kissing my neck and slides my bra straps down my arms. I can feel that the incident upstairs did nothing to dampen his arousal. I walk backward with him toward the bed in the guest room and sit down. He gently lays me back and hovers over me, continuing to kiss down my body.

He comes to a sudden stop and looks me in the eyes. “I have no expectations and really wasn’t planning anything. So, we can’t go too far because I’ve never even had a condom in this house.”

“Don’t worry about it. I haven’t been with anyone, and we don’t have to worry about pregnancy. And, I also wasn’t planning this, or I would have put a little more effort into making my naked body look better.”

“It looks perfect to me,” he says as he runs his hands down my legs that are just a little bit hairy. “Are you sure? I haven’t been with anyone since…well, anyway I’m clean.”

I nod enthusiastically in response, pulling him back into a kiss. He continues to kiss me while working together to remove the rest of my clothing. I reach down to feel him and push down the joggers and boxers he is wearing with my feet. He takes a pause to step out of them and then stands up to remove my underwear. After they come off, he pauses to look up and down my body. “Holy shit. You're so gorgeous. Checking in again, to make sure you actually want this,” he says, gesturing to his body. Listen, he is not an Adonis in any sense. He is a nice-looking man with a perfectly decent-sized appendage that is pointing right at me. The way he touches me does something hot and quivery to my insides, so why the hell not?