Page 41 of Here You Are

“No, I’ll wait here so I can keep an eye on the house if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, I’ll be right back.”

I ran to my bathroom and started frantically looking under my sink. I haven’t worn a pad since, like, the 90s, maybe? I find some oldish pads and grab some tampons. I stopped in the kitchen to grab a bag and also a chocolate bar, because, duh.

“Here’s a bag of supplies. Does she have her mom, a friend, or someone who can help her?”

“Oh, unfortunately, her mom passed away a couple of years ago. Don’t worry about us; we know how to YouTube things!” He winked at me and started to walk away. He stopped and turned around. “Sorry, this is how I'm introducing myself to the neighbors! Life has been crazy, and we are just surviving. I really appreciate you helping us. I didn’t catch your name.”

“I’m Cassie. And it’s no problem at all. And I’m sorry for your loss. Let me know if there is anything else I can do to be helpful. I'm headed out for the night, but I work from home, so I'm always here. Good luck with your daughter; that’s a tough situation to be in.”

He smiles and wipes his brow again. “Thanks, Cassie. And never tell her I came here; she would think I was the cringiest dad ever. He does another wink and wave and is off with his period products. I closed the door and shook my head. What was with all the winking? I was left standing here, thinking, what the hell just happened?

Luke arrived just as I was done getting ready—two lashes on, thank you—and we headed to the brewery. It was hot and sticky, but we found a place in the shade and waited for trivia to start.

Luke asked, “How was work today? Anything exciting?”

I answered, “Same old thing. I did have a visit from the guy who lives across the street. They recently moved in. Get this. His daughter got her first period, and he panicked and didn’t know what to do.”

“So, he came to your house?”

“Yeah, I guess his youngest was sleeping, so he couldn’t go anywhere. We have seen each other in passing so, he must have figured I was of the right age to be of help. And literally none of our other neighbors are even close to the right age range. It was awkward, but also kind of sweet, seeing him handle his family business so well.”

“Wait, is this the grass guy?”

“Sure was.”

“Was he sweaty?”

“SO sweaty. Worst I’ve seen yet. Could have won an award or competition today. I think he was nervous and stressed on top of the usual.”

Trivia got started, and I was surprised to see our old friends Syd and Tim walk in. I hadn’t seen them since we broke up. They are married with children, and apparently Luke has kept in contact with them the whole time, as he is a social butterfly and clearly a better friend than I am.

I jumped up and pulled Syd into a hug. “Holy shit, Syd! I'm so happy to see you. It’s been forever!”

She squeezed me tight and then pulled back. “I know, right? We kind of fell off the radar when we started having babies. Now that everyone is sleeping through the night, I am starting to feel like my old self and can stand the thought of leaving the house. You and Luke being back together is like a dream come true. I just died of happiness when he told us. Feels like the good old days!”

“I agree. Who would have thought?”

They sat down at the table with us just as trivia was getting started. The first category of the night was from our favorite show from the early 2000s, so we obviously nailed it.

“How many categories of towels does Monica have?”

“SEVEN!” Luke and I both whisper-yelled at our teammates.

It felt amazing to be back with him, back with our old friends, and just having fun. I missed this so much, having a tribe of people who were familiar. Having a group of people to be with that feels so comfortable and easy. Having friends my own age was a real accomplishment at this point. Glancing at Syd across the table, I made a silent vow to be a better friend. Even if this thing with Luke and me doesn’t work out, she is someone I need to keep in my life.

Chapter 18

April 2020

Apparently, we are in a global pandemic. Since Luke and I both work from home, he decided to officially ditch his parents’ basement and come live with me. We figured if we were going to be stuck inside for the foreseeable future, we might as well do it together.

The rational side of me knows that we did this before, and it didn’t work out. He also moved in with his ex for similar reasons, and it didn’t work out. However, this feels different. We are older, wiser, and have been dating for over a year already, so it’s a logical step.

Although we are in a committed relationship, we really haven’t talked a lot about our future together. Sometimes I wonder if he would have stayed in his parents’ basement because he seemed comfortable there. I don’t think he knows where he wants to go in his life.

I’ve broached the subject of our future since we have been back together. It mostly ends with him telling me he is happy with how things are. I am, too. But, to be honest, I can’t stop thinking about kids. I am getting older, and I know this is something I want, but I don’t want to lose Luke again over this. I’m afraid of losing him again, so I keep holding back. We have been sleeping together regularly without taking any precautions, just as we did last time we were together. I know years of sleeping with him without an accidental pregnancy should be enough evidence that it’s not going to happen, yet I can’t help but keep hoping.