Page 33 of Elijah’s Whim

“Wow, that’s incredible. And so sad. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with this for so long. It just doesn’t seem fair.”

I reached out and put my palm on his cheek.

He let his eyes drift closed and just seemed to enjoy the personal contact.

“You’re a good man, Elijah. You’re thoughtful and kind and compassionate as well.”

He held my hand to his cheek but then turned his face so his lips were touching my palm. Elijah pressed a reverent kiss there, and I was speechless from the tenderness of the gesture.

“I’m really glad you insisted on tucking me in tonight,” I admitted.

“It’s good for you to remember that I know what’s best for you.”

“Let’s not get carried away now.”

“Finish your damn story, woman. Then I’m going to kiss you good night and we’re going to sleep.”

I yawned so big, my jaw cracked. “Okay,” I agreed because suddenly I was exhausted. But then Elijah’s words sank in. “Wait. What?”

“Sleep? Go to sleep? That’s what the end goal is here, right?”

I narrowed my stare but couldn’t stop the grin that spread across my lips. I really wanted him to kiss me again, and now I had incentive to get through this story quickly.

“So my friend witnessed me have an episode, and for whatever reason, it ruined the plans we had. Like maybe we were going to the mall or something. I don’t remember the details, but that doesn’t matter. But because I had a meltdown, we couldn’t go. Of course, we were both upset, but she was really upset because a boy she liked was supposed to be there. I felt terrible about the whole thing, and I kept apologizing and apologizing, and eventually she figured out that I was so guilt stricken that she could use it to her advantage. She asked me for things I had that she didn’t—clothes, makeup, jewelry…you name it. She would drop these subtle reminders about me ruining our plans and how she was so embarrassed in front of this guy. She even started making veiled threats that she was going to tell other classmates there was something wrong with me.

“Eventually the stress of being around her became so overwhelming that I broke down and told my parents what was going on. It’s such a difficult time being a teen, you know? Well, for me it was. But she was a large part of the problem.”

“What did your parents do to help you?”

“As luck would have it, my dad was offered a job closer to where we live now. They were trying to come up with a way to break the news to us about having to change schools, but I was ready to go right then and there. Agatha, my sister closest in age to me, was a little upset, but she got over it. She makes friends very easily, so it was probably more about the change in general.

“And oh my God, I just talked for ten minutes straight without giving you a chance to barely say anything. And it wasn’t even a good story. Sorry.” I tried my best puppy dog eyes and hoped for good results. I reminded myself he was the one who wanted to hear all of this.

“Do you think people still take advantage of you at this point in your life?”

Well, shit. Why did I feel like I was at my therapist’s office suddenly? I wasn’t sure I wanted to look at this topic too deeply right now. Or maybe ever.

It took a few hard swallows before words came out when I tried to answer him. “I know what my fatal flaw is, as people say. It feeds a handful of subsequent issues I try to work on. I think acknowledging they exist and trying to have healthy, positive ways to deal with challenges in life is the best any of us can do.”

I felt like that was a solid answer, but when I looked at Elijah for his praise and agreement, his face was screwed up in…what? Disgust? Disappointment? I didn’t know him well enough to understand all his expressions just yet.

“What?” I said with a bit more bite than I intended.

The man slid that tempting smile on and said, “I’m trying to figure you out, Ms. Hannah Farsey, and it’s not easy.”

I let my head flop to one side like he always did. Somehow, I knew it didn’t have the same effect. “What do you mean?”

“This has happened more than once, and I can’t figure out why you do it. I think it’s an involuntary self-preservation mechanism. If there is such a thing. We were having a great, honest conversation, and then something clicks in your brain or wherever and you slide this everything-is-perfect cheer camp mask on.”

I quietly nodded because I knew what he was talking about, and I knew the habit had been exacerbated since I was here.

“So you know you do it,” Elijah stated more than asked. “What’s that all about?”

“I think it’s me not wanting to be a burden to anyone. I don’t want to cause trouble or have anyone worry because of something I did or am involved with.”

“You do realize that you can’t control that, right? If someone cares about you, they’re going to worry about you whether you try to guard them from doing so or not. That’s not something you actually get a say in.”

“But I can shield a person from knowing details of a circumstance, for example, that would compound that worry, don’t you think?”