Page 39 of Rogue Starfighter

“Just the last part. Just my name.”

He wasn’t looking at me. That was how I knew he was in trouble. Vesh always watched. Me, the doors, the sensors, the exits. Now he stared at the dead console with both hands flat on his thighs. Very controlled hands. Very large hands. I remembered one of them around my wrist. The other against my waist as he caught me in the tower. I wondered what they would feel like without a uniform between us.

The pair mark heated. Vesh’s head snapped toward me. Oh. He could feel that.

“What did you just think?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

“That’s my line.”

His gaze dropped to my mouth. The pupils widened until only a narrow ring of green remained. I unfastened my harness.

“Do not,” he said.

“Do not what?”

“Move closer.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“You have demanded a great deal of praise this evening.”

“This isn’t about praise. I need something else.”

“No.” His voice went lower. “You do not.”

I shifted across the narrow space between our seats until my knee brushed his. The contact sent heat through the mark and straight down between my legs. My pussy was wet and ready for him. My nipples hardened into tight peaks. Vesh gripped the edge of his seat.

“Don’t decide for both of us,” I said.

“I am trying to keep you alive.”

"We’re parked.”

“That is not what I meant.”

“I know. You're trying to shut me out. You're trying not to care because you're afraid of getting hurt."

He looked angry. Not with me. With himself. With the bond. With six years of wanting nothing and the fact that the obvious bulge I could see in his pants meant his body refused to cooperate.

“I watched every one of your training missions,” he said. “I learned the sound you make when you see a corridor before the sensors do. I knew when you were frightened because you became sarcastic. I knew when you were pleased because you spoke to the ship. I wanted you before I came to Earth. Before I knew the scent of your skin. And now⁠—”

My breath caught. "Now what?"

“I found you,” he continued, “and you are more difficult, more reckless, and more beautiful than the recordings. You touch me as if there is no danger. You look at me and I see a trust in your eyes I have not earned. That I do not deserve. I can't do this, Priya. I don't have a heart left to give you. It would just be sex. Nothing more. No true bond. I'm too broken for that.”

Well fuck me. He seriously believed every word he was saying. God damn it. I'd practically thrown myself at him and he rejected me. Fine. I had a small sliver of pride left. I was not going to beg. I didn't deserve to beg. I deserved a bondmate who actually wanted to be with me. “Then let me go. If you don't want a partner, don't want a bondmate, then let me go.”

I wanted him. I was half in love with him before I knew he was real. But now, in the flesh? I couldn't live with him and never touch him. Never be touched or held or kissed. I'd rather be dead than suffer that kind of hell. If he truly didn't want me, then I needed to cut my losses and move on. "I'm not some toy for you to play with. I'm a woman and I deserve better than this. If you don't want me, let me go. I can fly with someone else. Live with someone else."

I'd read the Elite Starfighter regulations last night when I couldn't sleep with him on the other side of my bedroom door. "I can request a new partner, Vesh. Or, hell, I can fly one of the standard Scout ships alone. We don't have to do this. I don't have to do this."