Page 84 of All of Us

With my hand on his cheek, I made him look at me, then kissed him gently. I needed him to know how much I loved him, and I tried to convey that with this kiss.“I love you, Jacob, so very much, but I love him too.”

“So you are saying we both want this? We want a relationship with all of us? Share our lives, our love, and a happily ever after.” I knew we had already discussed this, but I needed to make sure. I hate that he looked so sad. All I wanted to do was take his pain away.

“I know it’s crazy, Jacob, but yes, I want all three of us to be together. We could be amazing together, all of us making a life that isn’t conventional but would be perfect.”

“Then let’s figure out how to bring him back to us, make him understand we can be happy together.”

Now that we had confirmed that this was real and we were both all in, we decided to wait until the following day before going to him. We took turns pacing, going over ideas, and when words no longer came, we lay in bed and held each other.

Unable to lie in bed any longer, I stood at the patio doors watching the waves as the sun rose. It was too early to go next door. Worry plagued me that Joe would turn us both away. When Jacobs's large form wrapped around my back, and he kissed my neck, I felt immediately more confident in the plan.

Because of the letters he left, it was clear that he was hurting too, so we assumed he would be in his room licking his wounds and not out doing touristy things. Neither of us could eat as we continued to wait.

We decided to go over at noon, hoping Joe would order lunch and wouldn’t be suspicious about a knock at his door. Jacob and I decided I would go alone, not wanting to overwhelm him.

Once I was outside his door, I had to stomp down the panic. “He will let me in, he will hear what I say,” I whispered to myself moments before I knocked.

“Oh, good. I’m starving.” I heard him say behind the door, his voice causing sparks across my skin. Then the door was opened, and he and I were face-to-face.

“Dusty.” He said on an exhale. “You shouldn’t be here. We can’t do this.”

“We can, Joe. We have to. Please listen to me.” I begged.

I could see the vulnerability in his eyes, a tear escaping. “Dusty.” That was all he said before he turned and walked back into his suite. He didn’t close the door, so I took that as an invitation to follow him.

“Can we talk?”

“I told you everything you needed to know. You and Jacob are perfect together. I’m in the way.” Bile rose in my throat. How could he possibly think that? He was an essential part of my life now.

“You said in your letter that you loved me. Is that true?”

Questioning that clearly insulted him, he turned on me, growling. “Yes.”

“Do I get to have an opinion on this? It feels like you made a choice for me, but I should have some say, shouldn’t I? What about Jacob? Shouldn’t he get a say?” Swallowing hard, I hoped I wasn’t pushing too hard.

“Dusty, it’s obvious that you and Jacob belong together. Twelve years didn’t change how the two of you feel about each other. There is an energy between you that is palpable.”

Now was the difficult part. “Joe, you aren’t wrong about that. But what about how I feel about you? I’m in love with you, Joe. How does that fit in your plan?”

I could see the pain in his eyes again. “You. That’s not. No.”

“What? Can’t I love you both? You love us both. It’s not impossible because it’s happening to you, too.” Standing up, he walked over to the windows, his back to me.

“Jacob—”

“Jacob should be allowed to make his own choices.”

Taking a chance, I walked up behind him. I put my hand on his hips and leaned toward his ear. “Don’t give up on this thing between us, Joe. I understand how you feel, and I won’t deny that I love Jacob, but that doesn’t change my feelings for you.”

“You want to split your time between us indefinitely? I want to share my life with a partner, but I can’t keep dating both of you. It’s exhausting. And obviously, one of you picking me isn’t an option.”

“What if it doesn’t have to be that way? What if there could be another way for us?”

He turned around, and I couldn’t help but kiss him gently. His hands moved to mirror my own, grounding me. I felt whole for the first time since I got that fucking note.

“There isn’t.” He stepped away from me and returned to the couch.

I pulled my phone out and sent a text.