Page 18 of Beautiful Disaster

“Usually, I spank, but I don’t think I should after all you’ve been through.”

I’m still holding his hair, but he doesn’t fight me off. His large eyes look up at me with a fearlessness he hadn’t shown earlier. I wonder how many facets there are to Jinx. I bet he has many little masks he chooses to show, depending on the person. “Shouldn’t I decide that? I mean, Phillip did it to me all the time.”

“Explain.”

“He was the only one who asked first. Like you, he gave me the choice to say no. But what we did was mild Dom/sub stuff.” Jinx lifts his shoulder as if it’s not a big deal when it is. “He liked doing it out of pleasure, not because he wanted to harm me. Phillip was always careful. He made it hot instead of mortifying.”

“You weren’t afraid?”

“Yeah, at first, but I ended up liking it surprisingly. It’s not the same as getting punched or being forcefully handcuffed to a bed so someone can do whatever they want to you. I had freedom with Phillip that I never got from anyone else.”

Jinx is truly fascinating, yet terrifying. He could ruin me if I’m not careful. I drag my thumb across his bottom lip, and his eyes close in response. “I never intended to invite anyone into my life again. We take this one step at a time, for both our sakes.”

I rest my hands on his shoulder and ease him back. I walk over to the small, built-in desk in the kitchen, open the drawer, and pull out a folder, dropping it in front of Jinx. “Inside is a list of likes, dislikes, and things you haven’t tried and are willing to do or not to do. I want you to fill it out when you’re at home and have time to process everything I’ve told you tonight.”

Jinx opens the folder and flips through the pages. “Then what are we going to do this weekend? More chit-chatting? Staring at each other in silence?”

I want to corner him, press him against the counter, then drop his pants and spank him. I have visions of all the things I want to do to him, but that’s what he wants, judging by his bratty tone. I don’t give my subs what they want until they’ve earned it.

Jinx is stiff, as if anticipating that I will do just that. Then he turns to face me. “What if I want to start now?”

I drag my knuckles against his cheek, and he leans into the touch. For someone who’s not very affectionate, as he claims, he sure is responsive… unless this is an act. “While you will obey everything I ask of you, you will be yourself, Jinx. I will not accept your sex-worker persona. I want the real person behind the masks. Acting as if you enjoy it is manipulative. Before, you were being paid to behave that way, but I’m not going to pay you. This is a mutual, and, hopefully, symbiotic relationship.”

“Does that mean we can start?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Jinx will be my fifth sub since I started this endeavor back in my last year of college. I crave my hand to sting again. I miss watching my subs on their knees, begging me for direction, so eager to please. It feels like I’m home again. Yet, I worry about what this will mean in the long run. I don’t want to get attached to Jinx, but it’s hard to sever those emotions and connections that so quickly grow strong in a dynamic like this.

“I just ask…”

“Ask what?” I hedge.

“Don’t be mean to me. Don’t…” He looks down at his feet, rubbing the small tattoos on his fingers. It’s another hint at his vulnerability. It’s unexpected but welcome.

Against my better judgment, I gather him in my arms and hold him. He’s stiff beneath me before he relaxes and holds me back.

His body is incredibly tight, and he feels good pressed against me.

“I’d never be mean or cruel, Jinx. That’s not how I roll, as they say. I want you to trust me, but I know that’s earned.”

I gently ease him back. He doesn’t look at me, but he says nothing. “Come on. Let me show you to your room.”

Chapter 6

Jinx

I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing here. I know what Mason wants. It definitely intrigues me. But what will I get out of this? A distraction, I guess. And he said I’d get some power back. Still, I’ve fought off being with men for years. Why Mason? And can I let myself be dominated again? I liked it well enough with Phillip, but I’m not sure how much of that was eagerness to please him just to get away from Tito. It felt like a hundred years ago, when it was only five.

Mason grabs my overnight bag, and I follow him up the stairs. The house has a myriad of windows. No matter which way you look, you see the mountains, valleys, and meadows. Snow is just starting to fall, not yet dusting the ground.

“Are you hungry, Jinx?” he asks when we reach the top of the stairs.

“A little.”

“I’ll make us some dinner when we wrap this up, and you’ll help me.”

“Do you want me cooking naked?” I bite my bottom lip and wait for his response.