Page 57 of Downfall

He runs his hand along his face, his fingers digging into his cheek.

“I’m not some naïve little virgin anymore. I’ve had plenty of men.”

He chuckles again, the sound as dark and gritty as his threats to Julian at the bar. “So you keep saying. Are you trying to piss me off so I’ll be rough with you?”

“Maybe.”

He clicks his tongue, softly tracing his fingers down my collarbone until they land on my locket. “Is this from one of them?”

“What if it is?” My breathing turns shallow as his thumb runs over the locket before he drops it back to my chest.

“You’re still not getting it.”

“Why not? All those girls in high school⁠—”

Before I can react, his fingers return, gripping my chin, forcing me to face him. “Meant fucking nothing to me.”

“So what? You think your dick is going to destroy me?”

“Jesus, Skylar.”

“No, seriously. Tell me so I understand.”

“I was a teenager!” he snaps, throwing his hands up. “I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. You think I had a safe word? You think I asked those girls what they liked or if they had hard limits? Think I sat with them after to make sure they were okay? I was an asshole. I used them, Skylar, and then I threw them away. Is that what you want? You want me to fuck you and make you leave before the cum on your tits has dried? Because that’s what I did.”

Suddenly, the ground feels like it’s falling out from under my feet, and I stand there, mouth agape. I rip open the car door. “Sounds familiar.”

“Skylar.”

“Don’t stand there and say I was any different from them because that’s exactly what you did to me. You got what you wanted, and you discarded me like I was nothing.”

“Fuck, Firefly. I didn’t mean…”

“Don’t call me that. Just stop. I need space.”

I plant my ass in the driver’s seat, but before I can close the door, his arm shoots out to catch it.

“I’m not saying never. You have no idea how badly I want to fuck you so hard that you feel me for days, but I won’t do anything that requires complete trust until I know I have yours. That’s not an ultimatum. It’s just the truth. I can’t trust myself to be with you that way until I know you’ve forgiven me.”

Silence stretches between us, broken only by my thudding heart, and I whip my head around, placing both hands on the wheel to ground myself. “You think you deserve my forgiveness?” I croak.

“No.”

“You fucked everything up.”

“I know.”

“We could have been everything,” I yell and I hate that I’m crying almost as much as I hate myself for thinking this thing between us could be casual. “But you ruined it.”

“I know,” he says again, his voice almost a whisper.

Shaking my head, I rip the door from his grasp, and this time, he lets me slam it closed. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, checking my rearview mirror, only to see him standing by his bike, putting his helmet on. Even though I hate that he’s going to follow me, it also fills me with a strange sense of comfort. As I turn onto the road, driving myself for the first time in over a month, I don’t feel scared. I don’t even hesitate. If anything, the sensation coursing through my body is a lot like freedom.

24

SKYLAR

We don’t talk again that night. Or the day after that. By the time the weekend rolls around, Declan and I have perfected a mutual silent treatment. It helps that I can drive myself to work and physical therapy, so I haven’t had to deal with awkward car rides, but now it’s Saturday night and he’s out God knows where. I swear, if he’s at that stupid bar getting his ass kicked, I’m going to lose it. He left about an hour ago with no explanation, leaving behind only the sound of the door clicking shut and the fading rumble of his motorcycle.