Page 143 of Sands of Atonement

“Did you know? All these years, did you know he was alive?”

My heart beat a little harder in my chest.

There was hesitation in his upper body as it tensed. He let out a breath, “Well… yes.”

I let out a small gasp. Salazar knew my brother was alive. “You knew?” I barely breathed.

I clutched the fabric in front of my dress. “You knew? And you never told me?” My voice shook, and I blinked away any blurriness from my eyes.

Salazar pulled on his reins to ride a bit closer to me. “Yes, but Eshe, I did so for your protection.”

“How could you? I thought my family was dead.” My voice picked up, and so did my heart. “And you knew this entire time that my brother was alive and well. How could you do this to me? I was barely alive for so long. I was lost without them. I was alone, and you didn’t tell me that he was alive?” My eyes stung, and I blinked violently.

“By the time we were in Mongah, the news had traveled that he was alive, after we couldn’t find him for a few days⁠—”

“My brother was alive, Salazar, and you didn’t bring me back?”

Salazar was appalled. “Of course not! I couldn’t! I would make the same decision again and again in every lifetime.”

The knuckles I clutched in front of my chest went white. “But why?” I could feel Norrah’s gentle palm brushing on my back. I forced myself to breathe through the ache in my lungs. It was beginning to be harder and harder to breathe right. I felt like sobbing, but I couldn’t.

“Because he tried to kill you, Eshe,” Salazar exclaimed.

“It was an accident. He was apologetic⁠—”

“That wasn’t just it.”

“What are you talking about?” I snapped.

“Your family.”

I shook my head. It wasn’t just Ezra who believed it.

It was Salazar, too. The sun was beating down above us as I stared ahead and swallowed.

How was I so blind to all this?

No, it wasn’t true.

“He did this,” Salazar confirmed.

My head shook from side to side again and again. I felt Norrah’s hands cover my body, shaking me slightly. Her sweet, soft voice, murmuring words, but I didn’t hear them. I couldn’t.

I wiped the one tear that escaped my eye down my cheek. “He didn’t mean⁠—”

“He did mean to kill you, Eshe. Kavid tried to kill you. And he killed your family. He wanted the throne for himself.”

The truth twisted itself in a deep and dark place in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t look at Salazar. My entire childhood began to feel different, and with it, every memory I had with Kavid darkened. It was a lie. He didn’t love me?

No.

My jaw tightened. “You don’t know him like I do. None of you do.”

Staring at the vast wave of sands, I rode as still as a rock in a sandstorm. I remembered the guilt that ate Kavid alive. It was real. Even if he had meant to kill me, he wouldn’t have killed our entire family. And why? Why did he want me dead? All of us dead?

It felt like hours had gone by as I went in circles in my mind over and over again. I spiraled, and I couldn’t get out of it. My mind couldn’t find peace for a moment. I was sick. None of this made sense. It hurt. It ached in my bones.

After the sun had reached the top of the sky, we stopped at a few shrubs and placed stakes in the sands. Salazar’s friends helped build a shelter to cast shade from the ruthless heat. Norrah helped place some food out for all of us to eat before we continued our journey.