Page 56 of The Sasquatch and the Hairdresser

“What the hell is going on?” Skylar asks, a note of alarm in his voice.

I share his concern and hold him tight. “I don’t know, but I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

The drunken gnomes’ singing comes to a screeching halt, and they start clambering over furniture to make a beeline for the front door.

“Son of a demon-fucking bitch,” Akram snarls as he suddenly vaults over the far end of the bar with uncanny grace, a deadly-looking sword nearly as big as he is clasped in one hand. “Move back!” he orders.

It’s then that I realize dark horns I’ve never seen before have appeared atop his head.

The gnomes shriek and race for the exit, beards blowing in the sudden wind, revealing far more than any of us want to see.

“Akram, what the heck is happening?” I demand.

Energy sizzles in the air all around us.

Akram snarls, flashing a deadly set of fangs, and raises his enormous sword in a two-handed grip.

The lights all over the bar flicker eerily.

And that’s when a dark, swirling portal begins to open in the middle of the room.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Dear Journal (NOT a fucking diary!),

I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of what I have to offer Hal now that we’re dating. The list I managed to come up with was pathetically short. When I compare myself to him and how fucking great he is, I struggle to understand what he sees in me.

He seems to think I’m something special, but I don’t quite know why. I can see why Dr. P says the men I dated before fucked up my self-esteem. Still, Hal is so fucking epic, completely out of my league. I’m trying to remind myself that I can be the best fucking boyfriend he could ever have.

Unlike those past assholes, Hal’s not playing around on this whole dating thing. He’s real fucking serious, like life partners serious. It’s romantic as hell but also fucking terrifying. But more and more, I’m letting go of any fear and grabbing hold of this. Missing out on the chance at a lifetime of happiness with Hal? Not happening. My grandma didn’t raise an idiot.

Hal will be the kindest, most caring, and most loving partner ever. I know that for sure. I only hope I can be the same for him.

—Skylar Wright’s Personal Journal

Skylar

One minute, naked gnomes are frolicking around in the back of the bar while Hal and I are having a super fucking romantic moment. The next, all hell breaks loose.

Akram’s standing guard with a motherfucking sword while a huge fucking portal starts swirling in front of him. Oh yeah, and all of a sudden a fucking pair of horns have appeared on his head.

Definitely not a guy I ever want to get on the bad side of.

Meanwhile, I’m frozen where I stand, a stupid-ass hairdresser caught in a supernatural version of headlights, staring at the black hole widening before us.

That’s when Hal uses his much larger body to shield mine from danger, just like a fucking hero out of one of those romance novels he loves so much.

Damn if it doesn’t make my jaded heart pitter-patter. So. Fucking. Sweet.

Amid the fleeing gnomes hightailing it out of the bar faster than the Q train’s express line through Brooklyn, an empty beer bottle is kicked my way. That unfreezes my stupid body, and I grab it and hold the neck in my hand. Improvised weapon ready to go. Wanting to protect me is sweet AF, but I’m not about to sit by and let Hal get hurt either. And let’s face it—there’s no way gentle, caring Hal can fight half as dirty as I can when the shit hits the fan.

As the portal expands, Hal, Akram, and I find ourselves alone in the face of the unknown. Once the supernatural gateway to who the fuck knows where reaches the size of double doors, it stops growing. The darkness in it continues to swirl, all mysterious.

No fucking thanks. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know not to mess with that.

We all wait in tense silence, but after what feels like an eternity, nothing else happens.

Akram holds his sword over his shoulder and strides toward us, a grim set to his jaw. I involuntarily tighten my grip on Hal, still wary around the powerful and muscular djinn, especially now that I know he owns a huge fucking sword that could slice me in two.