Page 38 of The Sasquatch and the Hairdresser

Evidently, our conversation was not as covert as we thought because Glowstick Necklace Gnome dances his way over to us. “Did I hear you mention The Proposal?”

“Uh… yes?” I say.

His eyes start to sparkle with glee. “How perfect! We love that movie!” He cups his hands around his mouth and yells to the group, “A new challenge is before us, my friends. We must perform our homage to Lil Jon’s ‘Get Low.’”

An enthusiastic roar of agreement goes up.

“Bring forth the Songmaster!” several of them call out in unison.

“Songmaster?” Skylar asks.

I shake my head. “I can only assume it’s the same musical genius who wrote ‘The Great Sporefather’ number we heard.”

A rather elderly-looking gnome hobbles forward with the help of a tiny cane, his beard trailing in the sand. After consulting with several of his cohort, he bops around in a geriatric fashion until he seems to get his rhythm, then starts to chant while waving his arms and cane in the air.

To the forest, to the lake

’Til more nudists we shall make

’Til all the stitches break!

“Down with clothing! It’s a prison for the body!” a voice cries out.

“Yeah!” they all shout as one.

More enthusiastic twerking resumes as the participants sing along with growing gusto.

“Is this really happening or did I somehow fall into an alternate reality?” Skylar asks.

“No, it’s all very real…” I whisper, unable to look away.

The Songmaster pays the world around him no mind and starts bouncing along to bongos as he adds new words to Lil’ Jon’s song.

To the planets, to the Sol

’Til we all be trippin’ balls

’Til all the clothing falls!

All the gnomes start singing along while more join in the haphazard dancing around the bonfire.

That’s when Skylar bursts into loud laughter, clutching his stomach and wheezing. “Oh, fuck… I can’t… even…” he gasps, then dissolves into full-on giggles.

He’s laughing so hard that tears stream down his cheeks—and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

In all the time I’ve known him, I’ve struggled to get more than a quick chuckle out of him. But seeing him overcome with mirth, I feel like I’m getting a sneak peek into a side of Skylar he rarely shows, and I’m so happy to be witnessing it.

One of my new objectives in life is making Skylar laugh more.

My thoughts are interrupted when I sense someone coming our way. I look over my shoulder to see Baxter jog down the steps from the trail and stride in our direction.

We get to our feet to greet him, Skylar wiping at his eyes and rubbing his stomach.

“Pretty sure we’ve solved this case for you,” I offer.

Baxter studies the gnomes and heaves a tired sigh. “What the hell have they gotten into?”

“Best we can tell, they’ve been foraging some kind of hallucinogenic mushrooms in the forest and appear to have made some type of alcohol from them,” I explain.