Page 33 of The Sasquatch and the Hairdresser

Bra-helmet continues. “A pox on these mechanical monsters!”

Another gnome, who has a sequined thong slung over her shoulder like a sash, brandishes what appears to be a battered old Nerf gun in the air. “We will make them rue the day they were made!”

“You work that sequin thong, girl,” Max calls out like a supportive cheerleader.

“Don’t encourage them,” Baxter growls.

Another gnome starts racing in circles around a rack of clothes. “Mwahahaha! Behold my ceremonial war cloak!”

Max cups one hand around his mouth and calls out, “Honey, that’s a kid’s Frozen blanket. See Elsa’s face on the front?”

The gnome comes to a screeching halt and pulls off the small blanket. They stare at it dazedly and then declare, “The ice queen has blessed me! We shall be victorious!”

“Hip-hip-hoorah!” the other gnomes shout back in unison.

“Let’s ride!” Bra-helmet shouts, and in a wave of tiny, mostly naked bodies, nearly a dozen gnomes all make a beeline for the door.

One nearly takes me out at the knees, and I clutch onto Hal’s arm to steady myself.

I watch through the front window as they exit the shop and double up on several tricycles. The gnome on the seat of each tricycle begins peddling madly down the street while those standing on the rear step hold up various stolen toys and shout, “Onward ho!”

To go battle lawnmowers.

An awkward silence descends over the shop.

“Not gonna lie, friends, that was the most fun I’ve had shopping on a weekday in ages.” Max chortles, and his small dog yips in agreement.

Baxter radios the station to let his staff know where the gnomes are headed and make sure people will keep an eye on them.

Hal notices my look of confusion and smiles. “Our police take a fairly hands-off approach in situations like this. If no one is causing any real danger or harm to themselves or others, there’s no need for more serious measures. They try to use peaceful tactics instead.”

“But we’ll need to come up with a backup plan for the festival if there’s any risk of them causing trouble,” Baxter adds.

Hal nods. “If we can figure out what has been causing these recent shenanigans, we can probably fix the whole situation. Win-win.”

“Agreed. I’ll see you guys later this evening,” Baxter says as he heads for the door.

“Text me when and where, and we’ll be there,” Hal replies.

The police chief nods and disappears outside.

Hal turns to me with a shy smile that makes my heart do funny things in my chest. Again.

“W-would you like to join me for lunch?” He hastily adds, “Only if you have time, of course.”

There’s no fucking way I’m missing an opportunity to have an almost-date with Hal.

“Sounds good to me.”

Yeah, that sounded cool and casual.

Hal’s smile goes supernova bright, and I’m momentarily stunned by just how fucking beautiful he is.

And I don’t think he has the faintest clue.

Once we stop grinning at each other like fools, we say our goodbyes to Sylvia and head to the diner a few blocks away. In short order, we’re seated across from each other in a booth, and for the millionth time today, my mind wanders back to Hal carrying me to bed.

Fuck, do I want all of that again. I know I’m probably reading way too much into what happened. After all, Hal’s one of the kindest guys I’ve ever met, and I know he’d have done the same for anyone. But in that instant, I felt fucking cherished.