Page 13 of The Sasquatch and the Hairdresser

But if I don’t try to make my dream happen now, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll regret it. And I’m fucking done with regrets. Moving forward, I’m all about my needs and my goals. Never again will I let someone else take advantage of me.

I finish my coffee and turn to Hal. “That book your orc professor friend lent me on Otherkind hair and fur has been real helpful. Interesting too.”

He peeks at me and smiles shyly. “I’m so glad. I knew if anyone could help, it would be Targan. He’s a famous scholar and one of the smartest people I know. You should see the library at his place. It’s so amazing, jam-packed with wall-to-wall books.”

“I can see why you’re friends with him. You have quite the library of your own.”

Hal flushes.

“How are the preparations for the Harvest Festival going?” Astraea asks Hal.

“Everything’s mostly ready, but…” His voice trails off and he shrugs, his brow furrowed.

I pipe up. “I’d love to help out with the festival. If you still need volunteers, that is.”

Hal blinks at me in surprise and then beams. “That would be amazing. I’ll talk with the planning committee and see what they think, but I know we all feel stretched thin right now.”

I’ve been wanting to get involved somehow, so I’m glad I spoke up. Smiling to myself, I gaze out the window. The idyllic backyard’s lined with beautiful flowers that are vibrant and colorful. The sight of them is always somehow cheerful, kind of like Hal himself. There’s also a large vegetable garden that Hal tends daily with the same devotion and care he seems to bring to everything around the B&B. Just looking at it brings me peace.

Suddenly, a small, naked bum streaks past the window.

I blink.

Then another round butt runs past.

And then another. And another. And another.

“What the hell?” I get to my feet and move closer to the window.

“Oh, my goodness.” Astraea comes to stand beside me. “Looks like they’re back.”

Hal groans.

From outside, I hear Mr. Snodgrass, the grumpy chupacabra who lives next door, yell, “Get out of here, you nudist hoodlums! I’ve called the police. Shove on or you’ll be sorry!”

Even from here, we can hear the giggles of about a dozen gnomes in response. And I bet even money they’re all naked too.

As if on cue, there’s a knock at the front door, and Hal hurries to answer it. A few seconds later, Mystic Hollow’s half-minotaur chief of police, Baxter Thunderbody, strides into the kitchen, and I shrink back.

Hal rushes around him to open the back door, and Baxter charges into the yard, where the naked gnomes are frolicking among the flowers, dancing and giggling. You’d almost think they were drunk or on something.

“This is private property,” he booms. “Get back to the beach campgrounds where you’re staying.”

The gnomes start fleeing en masse, but not before most of them bend over and shake their bums at the chief.

Once they’re gone, Baxter talks with a still angry Mr. Snodgrass, then comes back into the kitchen and sits down at the table with a weary sigh. Although not as tall as Hal, the police chief is twice as wide and covered in thick muscle. I make sure to put as much space between us as I can without being too obvious.

I’ve been around the police chief a time or two, and he seems decent enough. I mean, if Hal’s friends with him, I’m sure he’s cool. But sometimes he just triggers bad memories for me. It’s his size and how loud he can get. Even though I know he can’t hurt me thanks to the magic protecting the town, my whole body is on edge around him.

Hal pours his friend a cup of coffee and sets it down in front of him with a worried frown. “Everything okay, Baxter?”

“That damned nudist gnome colony is giving me a constant headache lately. When they moved to town a few weeks ago, the council arranged a private section of beach on the far edge of town, away from prying eyes, where they can camp out and live it up in the nude. Things were fine at first, and they respected the boundaries we set up.” He rubs a hand over his face and groans. “But lately they’ve started taking their clothing-optional partying to other places at random.”

He’s not wrong. This is the third time this week we’ve seen said nudist gnomes in the neighborhood—although today was the first time I saw them much more up close and personal. The one saving grace is that gnomes, both male and female, possess long, flowing beards that cover the more… graphic parts of their bodies. But that doesn’t spare any of us from the naked ass views on display.

The chief shakes his horned head and rubs at his temple, and Hal reaches over to squeeze his shoulder.

Oddly, that action makes me all sorts of uncomfortable inside.