Page 90 of Dirty Chorus

“Yeah... we are fine.”

That’s not a reassuring answer. Now my thoughts clang around my skull unanswered, like text-messages left on read. “Please talk to me. What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing!” She throws the shirt over her head, tossing it into the locker, then shimmies out of the shorts.

“There’s something wrong.”

Payton throws on her spandex and cheer skirt. “I’m fine. We are fine. Everything is fine.” She tosses on her cheer top and slams her locker shut before placing her foot on the bench and tying her white shoes. “I’m tired. Let’s just get practice over with and our stupid meeting. Okay?” She says before marching off. The door slams open hard enough to rattle the metal benches.

Noah: Hey, I need to talk to you about something.

Charlie: What's up?

Noah: Will you come hang out with me tonight?

Charlie: I’d love to.

Chapter 41

Noah

Playing my guitar in the garage was the only thing holding me back from breaking the news to Charlie right now. Each lyric and scream coming out of my mouth was the pain I couldn’t voice to her. I got so caught up in making each verse perfect that it let me forget for two seconds I’m going to break her heart by telling her we are leaving at some point. But I gotta do something. Take her out on a date, go for a walk and do it gently. But either way, nothing I do can lessen the pain of this conversation brewing inside my head.

All day I’ve talked to myself about how I can start the conversation. Imagined the outcome. The worst daydreaming session was her shoving my head into a glass window, screaming in my ears that she might murder me. Then again, the only violent part of her is chewing that damn gum. When I glance at Charlie perched on an old amp writing in her journal, nodding her head and tapping a foot to the beat, my brain shuts down. The entire power grid running the damn thing dies.

God, she's beautiful, and I’m about to ruin everything.

We finished our last song, and the small dusty garage fell into ringing silence.

“We’re sounding good, man,” Vince bangs his head.

“Yeah, I think we've got it down.” I mumble, not taking my eyes off Charlie. My chest aches. I don’t like this. I don’t have feelings. Why the hell do I have feelings? The guys don’t hesitate to head inside the house quickly.

“What are you writing?”

“Umm... it's nothing,” she shakes her head.

“Can I read it?” I ask. Charlie closes her journal.

“Maybe.” She stands up.

“Well umm... wanna go inside?” I point my thumb at the door. She nods and we head inside. Omen is digging in the fridge for beers and taking out burgers to grill. Vince is tossing buns and condiments on the counter.

“So... uhh. How was your first day?” I ask.

“I’m gonna be hella busy. I’m already swimming in a butt load of work. You should see our schedule for cheer. Once competitions start in the second semester I won't have time to eat. But uhh... Payton is acting weird, and so is Ryder. I think she's lying to me and stuff...” She continues on, and I stare at her lips as she keeps talking about them. Something regarding Roulette, and she thinks they might have hooked up.

“You okay?” Charlie’s voice cuts through my staring into space, and she rubs my shoulder. “You seem kind of tense.”

“Yeah. You wanna go into the hot tub?” I stretch out the collar of my shirt.

She scrunches her eyebrows because I probably dismissed everything she just said. “Yeah, let me go get changed.”

I gotta do this tonight. I gotta say it. The words already taste like ash. I’m preparing to break her heart, and mine. I run a hand through my sweaty hair. I heard the bathroom door click shut. My heart started hammering against my ribs. I gotta do this. I gotta tell her what’s going on. I headed over to the bathroom, twisting the knob, and she didn’t even lock it.

Charlie leaps on her tippy toes. “Oh my God!” she shouts, covering her entire body with both arms. “What the hell!”

“Sorry... sorry.”