Page 136 of Dirty Chorus

“Oh my god,” she mutters. “Charlotte, you cannot just be sleeping around with...”

Charlie cuts her off. “What Noah and I do behind closed doors is none of your business.”

The table goes silent. Her mother sets her coffee down with a soft clink. “You two shouldn’t be living together playing house when you aren’t ready to be a mother.”

“I’m not going to get pregnant.”

“You don’t know that,” her mother argues. “You realize you're in mortal sin and if you don’t fix it you're going to hell.”

There it is. Classic manipulation. I didn’t plan to say anything. I didn’t think I was going to say anything at all. But the words come out of me before I even realize I’ve spoken. “Fine,” I say, casually, like it’s the easiest decision in the world. “We’ll get married.” Both of them stare at me. Charlie’s eyebrows crunch together, and her mother’s mouth just drops. “I’ll call the church tomorrow.” The waiter walking by actually stops moving, shaking her head as if to clean out her ear. I take another bite of toast. The crunching is the only sound I hear. I wipe the avocado off my mouth with a napkin.

“Sorry,” I say. “I know I’m a mess. I just really like avocado toast.”

Chapter 64

Charlie

Home feels a bit warmer tonight. I’m not sure what changed. The house is packed with family and friends who came to celebrate Ryder’s graduation. A group of football players huddle up in the kitchen taking photos. Ryder has an arm around two of his teammates, all of them congratulating him. He gave the biggest speech to thousands of people. I never thought I’d cry at a graduation, but watching him stand up on a podium telling his story had me bawling my eyes out.

Mom actually looks happy and healthy again serving cheese squares to half the team. Noah’s been helping her in the kitchen all evening, and I think she’s finally opening up a bit to him. To be honest, she kind of doesn’t have a choice either.

I’m still trying to process Ryder getting drafted into the NFl too and that Payton is moving to Los Angeles with him. It’s not like I’m staying either. Later tonight I’m hitting the road with Noah to go on his tour, and the reality of that is barely setting in.

I slip down the hallway into my bedroom. The tack holes are still visible, even the loosely hanging tape lays untouched from when I packed up to leave for college. I glance at the photos sitting on top of my dresser. I run a thumb over one of the frames, picking up the photo of Ryder, Payton and I. We were hanging out by the pool on a hot summer day. Ryder isn’t glancing at the camera like Payton and I. He’s smiling down at her.

“Hey…” I hear Ryder say behind me, and I swivel around the second he knocks his index finger on the door.

“What’s up?” I place the photo back down, making sure to adjust it so it doesn’t look crooked.

“What’cha looking at?” he asks, inviting himself in. “I remember that day,” he points to the photo before dipping his hands into his pockets. “You two were being little shit-heads.”

“Do you remember that stupid video Payt made?” I bring a hand up to my lips holding in a chuckle.

“Yeah I fell asleep on a floatie, and she kept whispering in my ear, Sebastian Sebastian knowing damn well I hate my first name. Since I didn’t wake up she took the damn pool noodle and hit me with it." He mimics that whack of the noodle with his hands.

“You yelled at her, don't call me that!”

“Stop being so crabby you stupid crab!” Payton interjects. Ryder and I both turn our attention to the doorway she’s standing in. She leans her head against the door frame, her cheeks red as she looks at my brother. “You were being such a jerk. I wanted that floatie,” she points a finger at him.

“Did you really have to nickname me after The Little Mermaid?”

It’s silent for a moment, and we can only hear the sound of the party outside the walls before she subtly says, “Yes… but I did not mean for that video to go viral, blame your sister for posting it.” She raises her hands up to her shoulders. “By the way, your mom says she can’t get the grill to turn on and needs your help.” Payton flashes us a desperate smile then winks at him. “I don’t know how to use it either. I think we are out of propane.” Her eyeballs are darting at him to vacate the room with her teeth gritted together.

“I’ll be right there babe. There should be one in the garage.” Ryder’s eyes light up.

Babe? God, they are so gross. “I’ll let her know.” Payton bounces on her toes before slipping out of the room.

He reverts his attention back to me, wiping his mouth. “So uhh… mom showed me an old photo album and I think you might want this.” He digs into his back pocket and pulls out a picture. He holds it out to me, and I take it.

“Oh, it’s my baptism photo.” I study it seeing a huge group of kids, including myself, with our hands in prayer position. I cringe at the white dress mom shoved me into. It was too big and poofy for a twelve year old. “So, what’s the big deal about this photo?”

“Look at it again, maybe you’ll see it.”

I bite the inside of my cheek scanning it again at everyone in the photo. Two rows of people behind me I spot him, and my heart instantly melts. “Is that…” I gasp my mouth falling to the floor… “Oh my god. It’s Noah.” I let out a breathy laugh. “He was baptized with me that day?” I glance back and forth between Ryder and the photo. “And he’s so skinny, he must have been fifteen.”

“I thought you might like it…and I also wanted to apologize for trying to beat the shit out of him… and I apologized to him too… like less than two minutes ago.”

“Oh…”