Page 8 of Against The Tide

“I didn’t say hi,” I snap at her even though it’s not her I’m mad at. Hell, I don’t know who to be mad at anymore. All I know is that I’m living in a parallel universe right now.

In one month everything has changed. Dad died, and Carl…I thought something was going on with work, but after the conversation I overheard last night…

“He’s having an affair.”

Kayla scoffs at my statement as though it’s wildly ridiculous, but something’s been off for a long time. “Why do you think that?”

“I’m Avery. I’ve always just been Avery to him.”

“Okay…” Dark eyes narrow on me as though I’m crazy.

“He’s barely been home the last two weeks, and last night when he came in, we had a fight about me needing to take a step back from work and Dad’s will…”

“It’s not like you need to work, and the aquarium job isn’t exactly…you know…it’s not like the pay is amazing.”

I don’t understand why she’s not backing me up. Kayla’s my friend. She may work with Carl, but we’ve known each other for almost fifteen years. She was my maid of honor. She’s Iris’s godmother…

“It’s not about the money, it’s what I love. I love my job.” At one point, Carl didn’t mind it either. But now having a marine biologist wife doesn’t seem as cute anymore. Maybe because he’s realized that I can’t make people fall at his feet the way he wants. The way Kayla does.

“I don’t see how this means he’s stepping out on you. You know I love you,” she tells me softly, like she’s talking to a child throwing a tantrum. “You’re going through a lot right now…”

“My dad died, Kayla. He literally dropped dead, and I didn’t get to say goodbye. The last time I saw him, he was fine and happy, and two days later he was gone. Like that.” I click my fingers in her face to make sure she’s looking at me. That she’s seeing me and not whatever paranoid person she thinks I’m being. “I’m not going through a lot, I’m going through hell. I’m trying to understand what I didn’t see. What I missed. I needed someone to be there for me, and he’s too busy calling someone else babe. Babe.”

She cringes, her face flushing red as she swallows down whatever she was about to tell me. It’s all bullshit. I shouldn’t even have said anything to her without talking to Carl first, but every time we talk, it becomes a fight that turns nasty and volatile. He hauls me around like a rag doll until I concede.

But my job? It may not pay what his does, but it’s my only freedom. It’s the only part of my life that’s entirely mine, that I have control over. I can’t give that up.

“Maybe you heard it wrong.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Have you asked him about it?”

“No, and I don’t know what to do.” Every time I think I can talk to him, he lashes out at me. How can I talk to him when I’m scared he’ll hurt me? “I feel so lost right now.”

“What do you mean?”

The coach blows the whistle on the session, saving me from having to think about what I actually mean.

“I need to go get Iris dressed. Thanks for coming to watch her. It’s the highlight of her week.”

“Sure.” She smiles, looking torn as she heads up the steps to the viewer exit.

I don’t know if I’ve done something wrong, but she doesn’t say goodbye. Where she would usually hug me, she walks away without another word, leaving me to think over our entire conversation, word for word, as I help Iris get showered and dressed.

With the hour’s relay practice, she’s exhausted enough that she eats her snack and falls asleep on the short drive that takes me past my parents’ desolate home. I don’t even stop—the sight of it is all it takes for the grief to overwhelm me.

As if my father’s attorney could sense where I was, my phone rings with his name flashing up at me from the dash.

“Decline.” I blow out a breath as I hit the red button on my steering wheel.

I know he wants me to finalize things with Dad’s will. He needs to go through all the estate and hand it all over to me, but I’m not ready. The thought of accepting everything and signing the final papers is suffocating. As agonizing as the second I found out he was gone and as the day I buried him.

I don’t want this life anymore. My silent tears choke me as I turn into my drive and sit there, staring at the New England–style home my parents gifted me and Carl on our wedding day. All I can think is that I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to go back in there and pretend everything is okay.

Folding myself over the steering wheel, I try to gather myself before I wake Iris up.

What kind of mother would I be if I took this away from her? She’s lost enough already; I can’t take any more away from her. She needs stability and normalcy. And this is it. This is all she’s ever known.