Page 67 of Against The Tide

It’s as though I can hear his silent pleas for me to do as he’s asking…begging, but I can’t. I won’t.

I want more. I want him to be the only mark on my body, my heart, and my soul that burns after tonight. Rhett could overshadow all my scars if I let him. And now more than ever, I want to open myself up to him. To let him lighten my darkness. I want to allow him to eradicate the pain with my longing ache for him.

“I want to do the right thing, Avery. Sunshine, let me do the right thing.”

“This doesn’t feel wrong, Doc.”

Clutching at the open collar of his striped Oxford shirt, I pull myself as close as I can with my seatbelt still on and the center console in the way.

Kissing the corner of my mouth, he inhales deeply. “I’m trying to be a good person…trying to deserve you…”

“You are,” I tell him, my voice breaking with the agony my need is clawing at my insides. “You do.”

It’s me that might never be enough. Even so, I want to know the extremity of his affection and desire for me. It’s a risk that I can’t shy away from anymore.

“Fuck.” His curse rumbles from his lips with a vigor that sparks bright in my chest, igniting life into every wilted and battered shadow of my being.

For so long everything has been so dark and muddied, and somehow, he’s brought color to my entire existence when the only place I could find it before was in Iris. It’s inside me now.

“I’m going to pull back now, and we’re going to have dinner…” He swallows hard before he continues. “Because I want to romance you. It’s what you deserve. Is that okay with you?”

I swallow just as hard, nodding while he reticently does as he said, watching as I fall back into my seat, panting and clawing at my thighs with the frustration of my longing. While I focus on the sun and sea embroidered on the blue bear on my lap.

The sun isn’t setting quite yet, but the sky is dimming slightly with the expectation of it. I thought we were going into Silverlark Harbor, but we’re navigating a dirt road on the side of a cliff. As Rhett keeps driving, I look around while trying to figure out where he’s taking me.

“We’re almost there,” he tells me, turning into a precariously narrowed downslope.

My entire body is still humming from our kiss. Water is still pooling in my mouth at the scent of the leather and his cologne mixed with the briny sea air. The more I think about it, the faster my pulse flutters, erratic in its rhythm as it builds up and slows with my nerves and the excitement of being with him.

“Where are we?” I ask as he takes a U-bend into a wider area where he parks.

Getting out, Rhett rounds to my side. My heart is up in my throat as he helps me out, sitting the Care Bear in my place before threading his fingers with mine.

“We’re right at the bottom, over there.” He points down over the edge of the rock face as he walks me hand in hand. “Do you want to check on Iris?”

I feel myself flush because he must have noticed the way I’ve checked my phone a few times in the last ten minutes.

“No, Callie is sending me photos. I don’t want to be overbearing, you know?”

“You’re not,” he tells me, leading me down the last steep part of the path. “It’s okay for you to worry. Good moms do.”

“I’ve been neurotic about keeping her close since we’ve been here.”

“It’s understandable.”

“Tonight is the first time I’m letting go and that I’ve not been with her ever.”

“Ever?” Rhett helps me down to a rocky shore that’s a little mossed over.

Small rock pools are beginning to fill with the incoming tide. I’ve never been somewhere so secluded and untouched. Although, there is a long jetty that he takes me up, and at the end is a stunning polished white sailboat.

“It’s always been me and her. Iris is my best friend in a lot of ways.” Something that I know isn’t normal for most people, but it’s the way our life has been, until now. “Anyway, I’m meant to be focusing on tonight, not talking about my abandonment issues.”

“You can talk about whatever you like, Avery.” Rhett pauses in front of the redwood-accented boat. “Past, present…anything. I’m big enough and ugly enough to handle it.”

He steps into the boat, letting go of my hand before grasping me around my waist and lifting me on board. My arms wrap tightly around his shoulders. I’m certain my feet touch the deck, but with him holding me…I feel weightless. And when his arms envelop me, I press my lips to his on pure instinct.

I’m still for a moment, waiting for him to take over. His loss of control and composure around me is…intoxicating. I crave it like my lungs burn for air when I hold my breath, and the very first rush of it is glorious.