Page 38 of Against The Tide

The truth is that Avery has enough on her plate—she doesn’t need more shit to weigh her down. Besides, I’ve shouldered the past, kept it quiet long enough that it doesn’t need to be spoken of to anyone else. Jo might have gotten it out of me a few years back, but no one else needs to know all the details. It’s easier to be the asshole than to be the poor guy whose marriage fell apart because he couldn’t get his wife pregnant.

That’s not true. I could. She did. It just didn’t stick. It never fucking stuck. And all the jokes that everyone likes to make about practicing got really old when you’re trying so damn hard that it doesn’t even feel right anymore.

“Are you going to explain it to her?” Jo asks when I help her down, beside me.

“Explain what?”

“The circumstances,” she snaps like she’s the one being crushed on the inside. “You’ve obviously told Avery about the divorce.”

“No, you told her.”

“It slipped out when we were talking. If you could see the way she looks at you.”

“How does she look at me, Jo?” My question comes out short and frustrated.

“Now? Like you’re a cheating asshole.” Taking her hat off her head, she fans herself with it. “Before, like you could hang her moon.”

The disappointment that downturned Avery’s face earlier twists in my gut. And with it comes a low-simmering anger at her judgment, like it was her I hurt.

“Why did you tell her anything?”

“It’s better she knows now. You don’t want her to find out later on when she’s in love with you and it will feel like a betrayal or a lie.”

“Fall in love with me.” A scoff blusters from my lips, trying to dampen the warmth that the prospect breathes through me.

“She’s half in love with you already.”

That’s not true. Avery is all the things that every woman I’ve ever been with wasn’t, even the one I married. Regardless of whether she believes it or not, she’s something extraordinary. So easy to get lost in and carried away with. Her and the little girl she’s paddling in the rock pools with. They deserve the world and every treasure it has to offer.

“Rhett—” Jo stops as I get to my feet and start down the beach. “You can run away, but it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change the fact that you feel it too,” she calls, bringing me to a halt before I turn and head back to her.

“No.” Trying to take a deep breath, I look up at the blinding sun. It only serves to irritate me that it’s not enough that I still feel her closeness, but the stupid fucking sun reminds me of her too. As though it’s taunting me.

“No what?”

“No, we don’t even know each other. She doesn’t know me, and I don’t know her.”

“If that ain’t the biggest pile of shit you’ve shoveled, I don’t know what is. But say you’re right—which you’re not—that’s exactly why she should know it all. Let her in, Doc. Let her know everything, especially the parts that make you uncomfortable.”

“Why? Why do you even care?”

“There’s no redemption without forgiveness. You can’t redeem your past if you can’t forgive yourself enough to allow yourself to be happy. And if she looks at you like you hung her moon, you look at her like she is the sun. And this old lady here is watching it all and thinking that it’s a sin to waste something so special.”

With her voice breaking, she takes a deep trembling breath while putting her hat back on to shadow her eyes.

I feel like the biggest ass for making her cry. That on its own is a miracle—add the fact that she’s tearing up in front of me…

“Jo…”

“Take it from someone that’s been there and done it all. Your side and her side. I’ve been on both, and I can tell you that she’s going to need someone to stand beside her and endure what’s coming with her.”

“How can I be what she wants or needs when I’m no better than⁠—”

“Finish that sentence and I swear to Christ I’ll whack you so hard with my stick you’ll be seeing stars to go with her moon.” Looking up at me, she sighs. “It’s a goddamn tragedy if you have the brain and heart to help others, but not yourself, Rhett Reynolds. Don’t be a fool, or even worse, a coward.”

“You know, most people would just say sorry for getting in other’s business.”

“I’m not most people, and I’ll tell you what I told Avery.” Leveling me with a glare, she holds her head high and mighty. “We’ve all made mistakes. We all have a past, some that hurt others and some where we hurt ourselves. Others where we hurt and get hurt. But if there is one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you will do anything for her and Iris.”