Page 138 of Against The Tide

As if she can read my thoughts, her hands slip beneath my top and meander up my torso as she sits back onto my thighs. Tracing over the healing scar at my side, she asks, “Do you remember the conversation we had about your divorce?”

My blood chills in my veins at the way she’s holding her breath. I’m not sure where this is going, but the fact Avery’s brought up the divorce doesn’t sit right.

“I remember all the conversations we’ve had.”

Nodding, she takes a moment, as though she’s thinking about what to say or how to say it.

“Talk, Avery. Don’t leave me hanging.”

“I had this whole thing planned, but I can’t remember any of the words, and I know it’s the worst time…too soon even.”

The anticipation widening her features along with the way she’s practically hyperventilating are making me think the worst. “Spit it out already.”

“You said you tried to have babies, but…”

“It didn’t work out,” I finish for her, barely able to keep my voice level because a part of me always knew this conversation would happen one day. I guess I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

“But—” She swallows audibly. “Umm…Sarah had a baby, right?”

“Yes, she did.”

She nods. “And you’ve always been…ahhh…”

This conversation is getting unbearable by the second. The longer she drags this out, the more awkward it’s going to be. Besides, we had the kids conversation already.

“I can give you everything, sweetheart, just not⁠—”

“You’re wrong,” she blurts, wide-eyed and out of breath from all the buildup.

“She had a kid with another guy. I think it makes it pretty obvious the problem was me.”

Standing, she starts for the bathroom, stopping in the doorjamb to look at me as I get up to follow her. We can’t have this conversation if she walks away, and it needs to be had before things get any more…I don’t even know because it doesn’t get more serious than me asking her to move in with me and her talking to Iris about it.

“The fact that Carl couldn’t love me doesn’t make me unlovable. Does it?” Avery smiles with an expectant shrug. “Does it, Doc?”

“No.”

“No…” She takes a deep breath and flips the bathroom light on behind her. “And you and Sarah got pregnant, it just didn’t…”

“It didn’t stick.”

With a nod, she takes my hand and leads us into the bathroom. “This isn’t how I planned it. Like I said, life isn’t exactly the easiest right now and⁠—”

“What’s that?” My sight pauses on the pregnancy test on the counter. My already racing heart decides now is the time to run away with itself while my lungs freeze. All the while Avery’s looking at me with that part-startled and part-scared-to-shit expression that makes me tug her into me.

“It’s not the first test.” Her arms wrap around my waist, and it’s the first time since I woke up from my surgery that she’s actually held me tight enough that it smarts. “I’ve done so many that I’m pretty certain the woman at the pharmacy thinks I’m insane. I’ve been there so many times that we’re on a first-name basis.”

There’s no clarity in any of my feelings. I want to be happy, but I know better than that. I’ve done this before, and it never ended well. The way it should have. However, the longer I hold on to Avery, the brighter the hope shines. It gets brighter and brighter as she holds on tighter.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Because I wanted to be certain, and then when I was…I was scared. I was scared that it would end up hurting you, and then I was scared that you don’t want this.” Looking up at me, Avery blows out a long breath before she says, “I know it’s unexpected and so soon. I only signed the contract with the aquarium a couple days ago. Iris will need to get settled when we move, and you’re still recovering. Not to mention all that’s happened and⁠—”

“Forget all of that,” I tell her so she stops focusing on everything other than herself. “What do you want, sweetheart?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Except it is. All I want is for you to be happy. That means that the only thing that matters to me is what you want. What will make you happy?”