Page 85 of Angels Are Falling

I pressed the lock button on my phone and put it in my pocket.

She was right. Of course, she was right. It was work. And the other thought, the paranoid, cocaine-sharpened thought about Ruby routing me through Beirut on purpose, that was the kind of thinking you did when your blood was buzzing, and everything felt slightly too significant.

Why would Ruby do that?

I was paranoid.

Telling Amelie now would do nothing except start an argument neither of us had the bandwidth for. I would take her back. Properly. When I had time to do it right.

The thing about arriving somewhere on a private jet was that the city didn’t know you were coming. No terminal shuffle. No luggage carousel. No forty-minute wait for a cab outside arrivals. Cars were waiting for us on the tarmac when we landed, and it wasn’t long before we were speeding into the city.

Amelie: Hi. Where are you now?

I stared at the message for a moment, then at the highway sign that read “Welcome to Beirut.” My thumb hovered.

Stefan: Istanbul. Just landed. Incredible city.

Amelie: How long are you there?

Stefan: Few days. It’s beautiful here. You’d love it.

Amelie: Sounds amazing.

Stefan: It’d be more amazing if you were here. Miss you, baby.

Amelie: Can you call me later?

I gave her a thumbs-up and pocketed my phone. The lie had arrived before I could talk myself out of it.

Istanbul. I’d picked it because it was the next city on the itinerary. Because it was plausible. Because the alternative—I’m in Beirut—had no version I could deliver without further souring things between us.

What’s a little white lie?

For the rest of the day, I told myself I made the right call. Besides, Beirut was extraordinary, and I didn’t want to ruin it. The picturesque backdrop was enthralling, and I understood why Amelie loved it so much. That thought came to me throughout the day, and although I tried not to examine it too closely, the little white lie I told Amelie festered in my mind. I hated deceiving my wife, especially about something as big as visiting her homeland. She had been wanting us to visit Lebanon since the moment we got together. It would kill her if she knew I went without her.

But what was the alternative? It wasn’t like I planned it. This was beyond my control. A business trip.

Just as Ruby promised, the contest was a roaring success. The local talent was remarkable, young singers hungry for opportunities. The judges were unanimous on their selections. We found ten contestants who’d sing at the finale.

Despite a successful shoot, I felt restless upon returning to our hotel. I decided I needed a drink. Several, ideally.

Ruby found me in the hotel lobby and fell into step beside me without being asked, which was the thing about her. She had an instinct for when a person needed company and when they needed to be left alone, and she was consistently right about which was which. Tonight, she had correctly identified that I needed company, specifically the kind that didn’t ask questions.

We ended up at the hotel rooftop bar, the kind of place that Lebanon apparently did better than anywhere else in the world. Open sky, string lights over a stone terrace, the city dropping away below in layers of light, the Mediterranean dark and vast at the edge of everything. The bar was busy without being loud.

“Who are you texting?” Ruby asked, without looking up from her menu.

“No one.” I had been staring at my last text exchange with Amelie. I missed her, and though I wanted to, I didn’t fire up another conversation because that meant telling her more lies.

Amelie had always raved about Lebanon. I’d vowed to bring my wife here after we saved up enough money. We finally had the means to travel and childcare for my siblings. The first thing I should have done was take her to visit Lebanon. Why didn’t I?

My wife took on the responsibility for my family members without complaint. She worked late nights to support them. She even entered a marriage with Kai for my sake. Why didn’t it cross my mind to do something for her that I knew would have made her infinitely happy?

The guilt arrived fast and settled heavily. The same one I had felt since arriving in Beirut.

“Whatever you’re looking at, it must be very interesting. You’ve barely looked up from your phone.”

I put my phone face down on the table.