Page 61 of Holding On

She nods and looks back to her hands as she plays with a ring on her right hand. “I’ve seen firsthand how incredibly beautiful it can be, both in my own life and also when I’ve had the honor of walking with others on the healing path.”

“You know, Cami, sometimes when I talk to you, I forget you’re only twenty-one years old.”

She tilts her head back and forth. “I can see that. I’ve always been told I’m an old soul, but I think if wisdom comes from experience, then some of us unfortunately develop wisdom much sooner and younger than what is typical.” She blinks away a few tears. “But if I can have something beautiful and healing come from my own … wisdom, then it eases it a little, if that makes sense.”

“Yeah, Cami, that makes sense. I hope you know that you’re pretty incredible.”

“Well, thanks. I don’t know about that, but I do know that maybe Tinsley and I should have a conversation when she wakes and explore if there are some more tangible ways I can help out. I know you have all kinds of specialists coming and going to help her physically, but is anyone trying to help her heart heal?”

Now that she says it like that, I feel like an idiot. We’ve been so focused on the physical pieces of Tinsley’s healing, of course we should have been just as focused on her emotional wellbeing.

“Whatever you or her need to make that happen, consider it done, alright?”

She nods and stands, before turning and softly adding, “And don’t beat yourself up too much, Jack. You may not have taken a class, but I see how you are with her. You’re carrying her heart right now, especially when she can’t face this alone. You’re giving her strength to face her physical needs because she knows she is safe with you in her corner. That’s no small feat—and that’s helping her heal in other ways too, okay? So, don’t think you’ve totally dropped the ball. I promise, you haven’t.”

“Thanks, Cami. For the kind words and the offer to help Tinsley.”

“Of course, my brother loves her, how could I not?” She smiles as she turns and goes down the hall to her room. As I hear the door click shut, I realize that not only did Cami just casually mention that I love Tinsley, but she also called me her brother for the first time.

The women in my life are going to demolish my well-earned reputation as the Ice Man, and I don’t think I’m upset about it one bit.

CHAPTER THIRTY

“Thanks for taking the time to meet with me,” I tell Jack’s sisters as they look at me like I’m crazy.

“Are you kidding me? My kids will just be ticked that I did this while they were in school,” Savannah says with a grin. Jack could tell I was starting to go a little stir-crazy and needed to see someone other than the physical therapists and specialists helping me properly heal. He talked to Cami, who then blocked off the back section of Java Jive early enough that when we arrived, we had the entire back third of the adorable coffee shop to ourselves. Jack, Theo, and Liam positioned their table so they are literally gatekeeping us, but we are far enough back they won’t hear our conversation. It's not a total normal outing, but that’s a price that comes with being a celebrity.

Vivian rubs her very pregnant belly and grins at her sister. “We don’t necessarily need to tell them. I really don’t know if Eloise will forgive me.”

“Well, what if we scheduled a tea party with them at one of your houses and Tinsley came to that?” Cami offers and I immediately fall in love with the idea.

“Yes! Oh, we need to get the little treats from Sprinkles and mini sandwiches like a proper tea party. Oooo—Cami, you can bring a tea tray with those little tea sandwiches y’all make here. Please say we can do that,” I ask the two mothers, who laugh at my plea.

“Now they really wouldn’t forgive us if we said anything other than yes, please, let’s do that!” Savannah says as she wipes away a tear from laughing.

“When I’m fully healed, I’ll have to also come and teach them some dance moves from my last tour. Girls still do that, right? Make up dances with their friends?” I ask Cami, as the youngest here.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure they still do that.” She snickers.

A commotion at the front of the coffee shop catches my eyes, and Cami stands to go address it, but quickly turns and sits back down with a smile. “Some photographer was trying to sneak in, but one thing I’ve found in the year I’ve been here is that Forrest Falls takes care of their own,” she says with a definitive nod.

“Who handled it?” I try to look but I can’t see past Jack, Theo, and Liam.

“That was Bill Thomas, who owns Thom’s Hardware. He takes privacy very seriously and is also a believer in some interesting conspiracy theories.” Cami giggles. “What? You didn’t know that a barista is basically a modern-day bartender and sometimes our customers need to talk or vent. It’s part of the barista code.” Cami winks at me as I laugh, which thankfully is starting to hurt less, indicating the work we’re doing with my healing is headed in the right direction. It’s going to be a while before I can do a full concert, but I’m not going to think about that today.

With everything Fiona is dealing with, I really can’t even find myself to care about my concerts or music. It seems so petty when my friend is fighting for her life. Yesterday, Dahlia called me to let me know the most recent update. She said Fiona had been diagnosed with recurrent pneumonia on top of the infection she was already fighting from having it last week. If that wasn’t bad enough, this new pneumonia diagnosis was also a result of exposure to resistant bacteria—something I didn’t realize was super common in ICUs. Her medical team performed a respiratory culture that confirmed the presence of Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus or MRSA, which is a heaping pile of bad news on top of an already really shitty situation. Dahlia told me that her sister’s body was already struggling to fight the first infection, and a hospital social worker came by to talk to her about her plans if things don’t improve.

This morning, while I made coffee in Jack’s kitchen, Dahlia called me again while Jack was upstairs in the gym, and I barely kept it together enough to finish the brief phone call. The recurrent infections were proving to be too much for Fiona’s body, and on top of everything else, the medical team told Dahlia that Fiona now also has sepsis.

Cami heard me sobbing and came running. I was on the verge of a panic attack when I got off the phone—which in addition to being really annoying when my anxiety flares up is now exceptionally painful trying to take a deep enough breath with my aching ribs. But Cami was there and she walked me through an exercise to find my breath. She was such a comforting presence; it’s like she knew exactly what I needed before I even did. After I calmed down, it led to an unexpected heart-to-heart with Jack’s youngest sister. I may be more than a decade older than her, but it felt like she was the older and wiser one during that conversation, reminding me more than once that I was safe, and she wasn’t referring to physical safety. She didn’t have to. She just made space for me to be, with all my messy emotions and fear. Instead of judging me, Cami just sat with me in my mess and helped me breathe.

That’s how Jack found us when he got back from the gym—sitting on his kitchen floor, leaning against the island, having a heart-to-heart after a near panic attack.

“Yeah, I can see that, especially with you. You just give off those vibes that people can open up to you,” I tell her as I reach over and squeeze her hand—a silent acknowledgement for what she did for me earlier today.

“I can see that, for sure,” Savannah chimes in as Vivian nods.

We have a lovely coffee date, and I even manage a few almost-pain-free laughs until suddenly, Liam and Jack damn near jump up and rush to my side. “We need to leave—now. Theo, take Savannah and Vivian to your car. If you can’t get through the crowds out front, wait until Walker arrives.”