Page 57 of Holding On

When Jack wakes me for more medicine, it feels like I’ve barely slept, but I must have been out for hours. I take the pills and push away offers of food, just wanting to crawl back under the covers, which is exactly what I do. Just before I fall back asleep, the bed dips slightly and I feel Jack climb into bed next to me. I roll over to get closer and discover he stripped down to his boxers, but I’m too exhausted to explore the opportunity, so I just nuzzle into his chest as his arm wraps around me, pulling me snug against his body.

Before I slip back into sleep, I feel him kiss my forehead softly and a content hum escapes me. I’m safe and protected—so long as I’m holding on to him.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

I wake up at five a.m., despite having turned off my alarm; my body is just used to rising early. I talked to Jett yesterday, and he was going to let the company leadership know that I’m unavailable unless for emergencies, but even those need to go through him first. Jett is at our Nashville office, but he did offer to come work out of our Forrest Falls location if I preferred. I appreciated the offer and understanding, and I’m sure we will talk more about it today.

Lying here with Tinsley in my arms is a privilege that I am not going to take for granted. I did have an alarm wake me up in the middle of the night so we can stay on top of her medications, but otherwise, she slept well—no nightmares. I go through the list of things we need to figure out today, and thankfully, Jett was coordinating with Tinsley’s assistant Allie on a few of the tasks.

When Tinsley was injured by the asshole last fall, he fractured her ribs, and even though those were fully healed before the crash, they are once again fractured. This is a painful recovery for the average person, but it will likely be exceptionally frustrating for a professional singer like Tinsley.

Her diaphragm is crucial for her breath support and control. The dome-shaped muscle below her lungs is connected to her lower ribs, and now she has pressure in her right side when she tries to take deep breaths, in addition to the sharp shooting pains that happens if she tries to push air in a controlled way, like she would when she sings. Some of this will improve just as her ribs heal, but I want to ensure we are doing everything possible to help her heal as well and as fast as possible, while combating factors like inflammation and then potential scar tissue in the future.

The doctor Wells contacted to manage Tinsley’s care in Nashville sent him a list of recommended specialists, and we will be doing everything we can to support Tinsley’s healing. She can call it all off, but I know her, and I know how much her fans and music mean to her. Some of the therapies she can start this week, but some will need to wait a few days or weeks as she physically and emotionally heals a bit more. We will have a better idea of what that all looks like after Dr. Mayer comes today from Nashville to examine Tinsley in person. After the exam, we will discuss what the multidisciplinary approach will look like, but preliminary discussions with Dr. Mayer mentioned multiple specialized therapists working together to help her breathe deeply without pain, restore full vocal endurance and control, and be able to perform at the level she expects of herself.

Jett is already having the necessary items delivered today to turn a section of my private gym upstairs to a rehab and treatment area for Tinsley. The rooftop is only accessible for residents of the building—Wells, Max, and myself—but it’s also really bright with glass walls, and I think Tinsley will enjoy that space in general. She can access it via the residential elevator or there is a steel spiral staircase off my terrace that leads to the deck and pool area upstairs.

The residential elevator opens to a small foyer and you can either go outside to the rooftop or turn and enter the large L-shaped interior space that houses my gym—and Tinsley’s future therapy area. Cami has mentioned the space has really good energy and vibes, so that can only be beneficial for Tinsley.

I wonder what Cami would think about possibly doing some yoga with Tinsley when she’s feeling up to it. Tinsley’s always enjoyed yoga, but I know that Cami is really into it. She mentioned having some certifications, but I realize I need to learn more about my sister and why she’s so passionate about yoga—I know it’s significant enough to be the motivation for at least two of her moves in recent years. Glancing at the clock, I bet I already missed her this morning.

Cami is the manager at our local coffee shop, Java Jive, and her mornings usually start by five thirty, but I’ve noticed she likes to arrive at work well before her shifts start. I can respect a strong work ethic and make a mental note to talk to her about it later.

I must have dosed off again because the sun is streaming through the windows as a soft kiss to my chest pulls me from sleep. Oh, shit, the sun!

I reach over and try to find the button to close the shades before Tinsley stills my hand. “It’s okay, Jack. It’s filtered enough and it’s not directly into my eyes. I’m okay, promise.” She kisses my chest again before resting her cheek back down against it. Rubbing my hand up and down her back, she hums with content.

“How are you feeling this morning, Red?” The nickname just sort of came out one day while she was recovering from Rick’s attack, and it felt right. I know she thinks it’s just because of her red hair, but it’s so much more than that.

“Sore. I think everything that could hurt does, but it was nice sleeping in a real bed, and exceptionally nice waking up in your arms.” She looks up through her long eyelashes, and her blue eyes are pools I want to dive into and never come back out of.

She’s so fucking beautiful—and it feels so right having her here in my arms.

“We need to talk.” Her words are like an ice bucket to the warmth of this moment and the contrast is shocking as my body stiffens. “No, it’s not like that, Jack.”

“Well, you did stay the entire night this time,” I joke, but referencing when I woke up alone in the hotel room to her note sends a tinge of pain in my gut.

“That’s … maybe that’s part of it.” She looks away, but I place my hand along her jaw and guide her gaze back to mine.

“Eyes on me, Red. What’s going on?”

“When I left you in that hotel room, I thought I was protecting you from the darkness that I was told for so long was in me, and I couldn’t handle the idea of that touching you or even worse, losing you from my life all together.” I try to shake my head and protest, but it’s her turn to silence me.

“I just need us to be on the same page here. I’m sleeping in your bed, and you haven’t left my side since you arrived at the hospital. Whether you knew it or not, you have owned my heart for so long that I can’t remember a time when you didn’t, so I need to be careful, and if I’m misreading this, I would rather know that now than later. And if it’s all too much, me, the drama, all of it, I also need to know that.”

I slowly shake my head. “I haven’t owned your heart, Tinsley.” She wants to protest, but I silence her with a finger to her mouth and a kiss on the tip of her nose. “You own your heart, your body, your soul, everything about you is yours and yours alone. I know that asshole tried to make a claim of ownership on you, and I will never do that. I will never take that from you because no one else has that right.”

Her eyes soften slightly. “But what if I give it to you anyway?”

I brush a rogue piece of her red hair from her forehead. “Well, then that’s not ownership, is it? It’s a gift.”

She looks away as she bites her lip before looking back up at me. “I think I’ve been yours for a long time, Jack. If you want me, that is, then I’m giving you the right to claim me—not own me—but have me, and hopefully, keep me.”

I have to choke back my own emotions because the price she had to pay to be able to say that—and stand on her own two feet—fills me with a mixture of pride and anger. I am proud that she can recognize her own decision making, but it still makes me so angry that she ever had to consider someone else claiming they falsely owned her.

“Then I suppose that’s different. If you want to hand me a precious gift, like your heart, then, Red? Then you need to know that I fully intend on holding on to it and never, ever, letting it go.” A single tear slides down her beautiful face and lands on my chest. “You must know, surely, you must know, that you already have me as well, right? I’m yours, and I hope you play for keeps because I sure as hell do.”

I slowly run my thumb along her jaw as I try to find the words to best articulate this. “You said back then that you didn’t want your darkness to touch me, but don’t you see it, after all this time?”