Page 32 of Holding On

“Hey, man. No? Are you?” I turn to him as he shakes his head.

“I’m just … Fuck, I don’t even know. I just feel so...” Liam trails off without finishing.

“Gobsmacked? Furious?” I supply.

“Yeah, fucking pissed is definitely one of the plethora of emotions I’ve been dealing with.” Liam isn’t one to show a lot of emotions, much like myself, but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel them. In fact, sometimes I wonder if out of all of us, Liam is the one that actually feels emotions the most. He’s just better at controlling his expressions than the rest of us—like ions better. I know him better than most, and even I can’t always get a read on the guy.

“I still think we approach it like we talked about last night. Ease into it, read the vibes, and go from there. Unless you changed your mind?” I look over as I ask my brother.

He exhales as his grip tightens on the steering wheel. “No, I still think that’s the best approach. But…”

I look back at his face as his jaw clenches, just slightly. “What is it?”

“What if … what if forgiveness isn’t possible?” Liam’s question is more than valid, but I don’t have an answer to it.

“One step at a time, brother. That’s all we can do, alright?” That’s not a scenario I want to dwell on, even if it’s one I’ve wondered about as well, but hopefully this will be the last time either of us has that concern.

Liam takes the turn and follows the path. “Taylor said it’s the fourth spot after the second right. Did you even know this campground was here?” Liam asks as he makes the second right turn and we count the spots.

“No, not until last week.”

Liam pulls up next to the spot and puts his car in park.

And we sit there in silence for a moment.

I clear my throat and take a deep breath. “Follow my lead, and if necessary, I can do most of the talking, alright?” Liam nods in agreement, and we step out of the SUV and into the night. It’s not that Liam can’t lead this, but the emotions are just so big to him—especially when he prides himself on knowing what’s going on and having all the necessary information.

“It’s fucking freezing tonight. Does this thing even withstand the wind or let it blow right through?” Liam glares at the RV as we walk up to the front door. “This thing has to be close to forty years old.”

“We’re both over forty years old, and we aren’t here to judge, alright? Try not to be an asshole, at least at first. And focus those emotions where they belong. It’s not at her.”

My brother hums in agreement as I raise my hand and briskly knock twice on a screen door that might actually be older than I am.

The inside door’s deadbolt turns, and I hear Liam take a deep breath.

She opens the door, but instead of the usual cheerful disposition, she is frozen in shock. Liam and I both raise our hands in an awkward wave that somehow feels choreographed in our simultaneous movement.

“Hey, Cami, sorry to drop by unannounced,” I cautiously say while trying to telepathically tell my brother to act normal. “Can you come out and talk to us for a moment? I can understand not wanting to invite two men you barely know into your living space.”

If Liam is going for a casual or natural look, he is failing marvelously at hiding the look of disdain he gives Cami’s RV. I clear my throat, hoping to pull him out of it. I also know that Liam knows every detail that he could find on Cameron Walsh, and unfortunately, some of those discoveries were less than ideal.

“Uh, no, yeah, I mean. Of course. And you guys can come in, it’s okay. I trust you.” She looks as though she’s considering something and doesn’t move to open what I hope is a locked screen door.

Liam clears his throat, shaking her from her thoughts. “Are you sure? We could’ve come to talk to you at work, but we both felt like it was better to have this conversation between just us initially.”

She startles at that suggestion and quickly flips the lock on the screen door to push it open. While Forrest Falls is usually safe, I’m grateful to see she has a few locks on her door. And while the gossip hens of town would have loved to witness this conversation at Java Jive, it’s better that it’s here instead of at her work.

She nods. “I’m sure, come on in, guys. It’s not much, but it’s out of the wind, at least.” Cami is usually cheerful from what Liam gathered and what we’ve both experienced, but her voice is unnaturally high.

Her word choice causes Liam to relax slightly, until we step into her RV. Tonight is going to dip into the thirties, and despite now being indoors, there isn’t that much reprieve from the brisk wind howling outside. Cami gestures to a tiny table that looks like it was designed to fit one and a half people on each side.

“It’ll be a cozy fit but that’s part of the experience.” She slides into one side and her eyes dart around her RV.

I was adamant with Liam that I did not want it to come off like we were judging her, but clearly, we are not putting her at ease. Although the fact that it is fucking freezing in here isn’t helping anything.

I look around, trying to figure out where her heat source—or lack of—is located. “It’s a bit chilly in here. Is your heat working okay?”

She bites her lip and looks apologetic before responding, “Cherry is a bit of a relic, and her heat has been, uh … optional, lately.” She brushes a rogue hair from her face before looking back at her hands. “Unfortunately, she has been opting to not have it work. It’s been okay with a space heater but that seems to be on vacation right now as well.”