Page 16 of Holding On

When the dam broke, it all came crashing down. The man I respected and looked up to, as though he could do no wrong, had been stepping out on our mother for years. I’m still not sure if he had an actual issue with drinking, or if that was the crutch that he used to blame his behavior, but after the implosion of their marriage, Dad stopped drinking. He started individual counseling and couple counseling, as well as a few family counseling sessions that were really a highlight of my summer to hear how my father made multiple mistakes over the years and betrayed our mother and our entire family.

In addition to reconciling my impression of who I thought my father was for my entire life, I had to watch my mother and younger siblings navigate their own feelings about the entire situation. Despite the fact that he and Mama did the work to fight for their marriage and even had a decade of genuinely happy years together before the cancer stole her from us, my relationship with my father took some time to heal. I didn’t feel like I could reconcile our relationship and how he let us all down until I knew that Mama and my siblings were all okay—because if they weren’t okay, there was no way he and I were going to be okay. Grace isn’t always my natural language, especially when someone hurts one of the few people I care about in this world, so when it was my own dad causing the pain? It messed things up for a while.

Liam and I were the last ones to get back to a good place in our relationships with him, but I think everyone understood. Thankfully, we both figured our shit out in time to enjoy four or five years as a healthy—and honest—family unit. Mama deserved a lot longer than that, but sometimes life is incredibly unfair, especially to inherently sweet and good people.

“Happy Fourth of July, Dad.” I pat his back in response before I turn my attention back to the grill. Each year—with the exception of what became known as The Red Fourth amongst The Cavalry—our family hosts a get together at the house with too much food, usually loud music, friends, family, and fireworks. The holiday starts with the annual parade on Main Street and then our friends know to come over to the house any time after noon.

On The Red Fourth, we cancelled the festivities and faked a stomach bug for our entire family. We had our own firework show, with a lot of yelling, especially from my brothers and I at our father, and a lot of crying from Mama and my sisters. We still lived in a small town though, and news of Murphy Callahan being collected from O’Dell’s by his wife when he had another woman on his lap spread faster than local gossips could even process.

“That was a great parade this morning, don’t you think?” Dad asks as he takes a drink from his non-alcoholic beer. I nod before taking a drink of my own beer.

“Yeah, Thom’s Hardware really went all out for the float this year.”

“Thom told me his son started working on that the day after Christmas, which seems a little intense to me, but you know…” Dad grins. “They love to screw around, but I think they nailed it this year.”

I roll my eyes but the corner of my mouth tips up in a small smile. “Tell that one to the granddaughters, they’ll eat it up.”

“That’s a great idea, bud. Thanks for being my test subject.” We cheers our drinks and I rotate the hot dogs and peek on the steaks. With the amount of money I have, I could literally be anywhere in the world doing anything I could possibly dream of—but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than on the back deck of my childhood home, watching my nieces have an epic water fight, taking my turn manning the grill. I might not change anything about the location, but I would definitely make a significant addition to the guest list.

I hear someone clear their throat and turn to see my sister Savannah looking slightly nervous—and then someone follows her out onto the covered deck.

Savannah’s had a hell of a year, but I have to hope that putting the asshole ex-husband behind her means that she has a better happily ever after in front of her. I reach out to shake the hand of the man who followed her out here. We all knew he was coming when Dad invited them at the parade, but it’s still a moment for them. Theo Smith-Harrington is an attorney at the firm that represented Savannah in her—very—recent divorce, but they’ve only recently started dating. I think their first date was only yesterday, but Theo has been attending our weekly poker nights since March. He’s familiar with our family, but this is the first time he’s been around us while with Savannah. I notice a little girl with dark brown pigtails following Theo, which must be his daughter Gigi, but she quickly scampers off to join my nieces in their water fight.

“Good to see you, Theo.” We shake hands as Savannah disappears before returning with a beer for Theo.

“Are you good? I need to go help with a few things in the kitchen.” Savannah’s hand rests on Theo’s arm, and I don’t miss the way he looks at her. Yeah, I was right when I suspected these two might become something months ago—the real reason I invited Theo to join our poker night.

“Yeah, Sav, I’m good. I’ll help Jack man the grill, or if you need help with anything else, just let me know,” Theo reassures my sister, and he’s already leaps and bounds ahead of her ex—because he is actually here. Savannah nods and goes back inside. Mama always loved this party, even though she buzzed around the entire time. And since she passed, Savannah picked up that role without missing a beat. She was always Mama’s shadow, helping even before she took over the reins fully.

High-pitched screams that threaten my eardrums get closer as the girls run from my brothers Finn and Ryan that just surrounded them with water guns, which are connected to tanks they both strapped to their backs. Some things never change in our family—I’m the one that bought those water guns two years ago, and I’ll avenge my nieces later when Finn and Ryan least expect it.

The loud boom echoes across the night sky as the spectators ooo and ah while the red, white, and blue sparks paint the sky. I offered to have a professional come out and do the fireworks show, but my brothers acted like I tried to burn down their Christmas tree.

So now, I just contribute financially to the obscene amount of fireworks we set off each year. I enjoy sitting and watching the show, without running from whatever concoction my brother Liam created by merging various fireworks together. I know that man is a genius, but I also like having hair on the top of my head. I take a pull from my beer as I push slightly to make the rocking chair resume its back and forth.

Vivian’s fiancé claims the chair next to me while Savannah and Vivian try to police the kids from having too many ice cream cones and popsicles.

Walker chuckles as he watches Vivian’s daughter Eloise run past, holding yet another popsicle. “It may be a lost cause at this point, but I’m not telling her mama that.”

I nod. “Smart man.”

“I know when to pick my battles.” Walker would too, prior to being the FBI Agent he is today, he was a decorated sniper with the US Army Rangers. He is steady and true in every area of his life and loves my sister and niece like they both deserve—quite the variance from the piece of shit her first husband turned out to be. But Trent’s death is also what ultimately brought Walker into Vivian’s life, which goes to prove it’s possible for something good to come from even the most catastrophic events.

“I saw the girls giggling over some story about Tinsley Sinclair and Roman Cash. Have you been keeping track of that relationship?”

I school my expression to keep it neutral. “Why would that be something I would follow?”

“Right. We can play it like that. Anyway, the girls were trying to figure out if they were going to get married or maybe were already secretly married.” Walker sips on his beer and looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

“You should know by now not to believe everything you see on the internet, Walker.” Especially when it’s the flaming pile of shit that is their fake relationship. Wells flipped when he found out about the contract Rick strong-armed her into signing. I don’t understand why she keeps working with the man; he isn’t even good at his job and him pushing this on her is proof. If anything, this fake relationship has brought negative attention to Tinsley with how often Roman is photographed with other women leaving his hotel room or making out with them right in front of the press. Roman wants Lux to sign him, but there’s something not right with that guy, and Wells already blacklisted him anyway. If one of us blacklists someone, whether an artist, songwriter, vender, or employee, we respect the decision. Only three people at Lux have the authority to blacklist someone, and if Wells or my other best friend Max don’t trust someone, I don’t either.

I really don’t like the guy—and it doesn’t help that he is fake dating the only woman I’ve cared about in the last decade beyond a meaningless fling. Since ghosting me in the hotel room a few years ago, my communication with Tinsley has been limited to texts, but it hasn’t lessened my feelings for her. If anything, my feelings toward her have only grown. But all I can do right now is remind her that I’m always there for her—not that she takes me up on any of my offers to see her or even be in the same place at the same time.

All of which is incredibly frustrating.

I look over at Walker who’s just waiting. The man is fine with silence. He is patient and in control, two qualities I appreciate in my own life. But I can also tell when he has something else he wants to say and is just waiting.

“You can go ahead and say whatever it is, you know.” I glance over at him, and he smiles at my comment.