Page 26 of Choosing Us

I grew up with very philanthropic and financially generous parents. However, it was never from a pure motive, but rather much more done so that others could see and praise them. It was social capital.

It would have been nice if they actually cared about causes outside of themselves, or—heaven forbid—their own child. Ward and Astor loved to talk about their child prodigy and how proud they were, but they were always quite bothered if anything scheduled in my life disrupted theirs. Award ceremonies? They loved them. Study sessions that I needed rides to when I was a child? Extremely annoying. It bothered them so much that I had my own driver by the time I was eight, not because of a status or security issue, but because it was easier for my parents, who didn’t work or have professional obligations outside of the home.

As an adult myself, I cannot fathom expecting a child, let alone my own child, to be carted around one of the largest cities in the world with a driver and their nanny.

I shake my head slightly to pull me out of the thoughts and back to my texting conversation with Ryan.

Ryan

Hope I didn’t overstep, but you did say it was your favorite.

Me

You didn’t overstep. It’s just a bit of a foreign concept for me.

Ryan

Having someone send you food when you’re sick is a foreign concept… or someone being helpful toward you outside of needing something from you?

Me

…Is it terrible if I say both?

Ryan

It’s not terrible if it’s the truth. But if it is true, get comfortable with the idea.

Me

Of soup arriving at my door?

Ryan

Of someone wanting to help you, just because you’re you and you need it.

Me

That ‘need’ word is a big one for me.

Ryan

I get it, and we can call it something else, but if I see you need something and I can help, then that’s what I’m going to do.

Me

Can I ask why?

Ryan

You can ask, I don’t know if I have the answer quite yet. But we can start with that’s what friends do?

Me

Are we friends?

Ryan

Oh, that feels like a very low bar. At the very least, we are absolutely friends, Harlow Lane.