Page 39 of Enter if you Dare: Part Two

“That sounds like him,” I say with a smile, though quickly pull myself up when I realize I’m doing it.

“You’re joking, right?”

“No,” I say, laughing again, but this time I don’t hide it.

“What the fuck happened to you?”

I think about his question for a minute. What has happened to me? It’s freedom . . . and love.

I have never felt so physically safe and emotionally secure, not since our parents died. Rowan was supposed to protect me; he was my big brother. Instead, he put me in danger and made me clean up his problems, all while I protected our baby sister from his bullshit. That has happened to me.

“You used to be normal,” he snarks.

As I take a turnoff, I try to compose myself, but it doesn’t work and I don’t hold back. “I used to be a fucking doormat, holding on to you because you are a piece of them. I was tired, overworked, and scared to leave the house.”

“At least you weren’t living with murderers.”

The manic laughter that escapes me must scare him because he flinches. “Worse, I was living with you.”

He scoffs and looks out his window, turning his body away from me. “Here we go.”

I glance over at him. “Here we go?”

“You always do this. Like I’m the reason your life is shit.”

“Well, you are one of them.”

He turns back to me. “I’m your brother.”

The anger inside me wants to spill over, like it does every time Rowan and I have an argument. I sit here and wish the Jester had killed him. I could have dealt with that. He isn’t one of my men, so I would have mourned and moved on.

“You keep saying that like it excuses everything you have done to me.”

I wish I had a plan, but I have just been driving, trying to think over my options. If I take him to the house, the cycle keeps going and I will never be rid of him. When I walked into the Jester’s house, all I could think about was getting Rowan out; I couldn’t have him locked away like an animal. Yet now all I can think is that maybe he should have stayed there. But I knew I had to get him away from Cave, because them being around each other would have made everything worse.

There is no way in the world I am leaving my men; I simply need some space to figure out my next move, and long enough to stop being so angry that they lied. Realization hits me—I should have told them I was coming back, but I just got mad and left. Guilt washes over me.

The way Cave looked at me when he stepped aside replays in my mind. I should have said something, or found Cipher or Noa. But I was so angry and confused that I needed to leave.

“What are we doing?” Rowan finally asks, and it’s a good question.

“I don’t know yet.”

“I need somewhere to stay and to keep a low profile for a while. Steedy might be dead, and some of his men, but those left will know I was involved.”

A headache forms behind my eyes. “There are motels near the bus station.”

He laughs. “With what money?”

I glance across at him. “You don’t have any?”

He looks at me as if it’s the stupidest thing I have ever asked him. “I have been locked in a basement.”

“You didn’t have any money before that?”

His mouth presses into a hard line, and he shakes his head. “Steedy took everything. I owed him.”

Now it’s my turn to shake my head because of course he has no money—he never did. Any he got his hands on was gone before the day ended, lost to gambling, drugs, anything he could get his hands on. Things never change with him, but they have with me. Without him in my life, I don’t look over my shoulder, and I no longer hide money.