Page 59 of Wildflowers & Whiskey

Wade

Sleep didn’t come easy last night. Actually, it didn’t come at all. Too much noise in my head, kicking up whenever I attempted to shut my eyes. Just this constant back and forth between Maeve, Colt, and the line I’ve already got a whole boot hanging over.

Fixing things with my son, that’s everything to me. And now I have a chance to do just that; it gets me thinking whether I’ve spent so much time protecting Ruby’s image that I have failed to protect my relationship with him. So many wasted years, but no more.

And I have one city girl to thank for that. The one I have failed to keep my walls up around, who has pushed me to see that it’s not too late. The same girl who has wormed her way under my skin, making me feel things that I’ve got no right feeling.

At my ripe old age, I shouldn’t feel like this. Shouldn’t be lying awake, wondering if she’s also thinking of me. Being nervous about seeing her again. Yet, here I am, acting like a teenager with one brain cell because he likes a girl.

Fuck, even when we kissed, I wasn’t thinking. It’s what she does to me. In that moment I felt vulnerable but… free. So much so, I would’ve taken anything she gave me, just to feel something with someone who actually sees me. But she said we should think on it, so I have. And somewhere around two in the morning, wide awake and staring at the ceiling, I stopped pretending there was a clean, easy decision waiting for me at the end of it.

There’s been something pulling me to her since she got here. Even yesterday, when I said I’d give her space, I still went looking for her. Walked half the damn ranch, not finding her anywhere. It was ridiculous how much it bothered me. Three weeks ago, she was a stranger. Now not seeing her for a day leaves something restless under my skin.

But she said she needed time. She’s probably doing just that. And I’m trying to give her space too. Hence, taking my coffee out here on my porch instead of the main house, even though I know she’ll be there. Like she is every morning.

God damn it. My head just keeps spinning. I don’t know what to do. How the hell do I have her without it costing me my son?

I’ve been holding onto what Colt said like it’s a lifeline—I'm not ready for another relationship yet. Which means he’s not looking at Meave like that…right? And the more I mull it over, the more I reckon I made something out of nothing. Colt looks out for people. Always has. Making sure she’s alright, spending time with her, that doesn’t have to mean anything more than them being good friends.

And she did kiss me back. No hesitation. Didn’t pull away. Didn’t look at me after like it was something she regretted. No, she just wanted us to be cautious. Not dive in headfirst without thinking.

So, if I were to go for it… the only thing that could really hurt Colt is the secret. And a secret can stay a secret if we’re careful. She’s leaving soon anyway. A few months, that’s all. We keep it quiet. Nobody needs to know. It doesn’t touch what me and Colt are building. I could keep it separate.

Fuck… this is a bad decision. I’m not stupid enough to think it ain’t.

But she’s on my mind constantly. I want her. And I’ve got a feeling she wants me too—just needs convincing it’s worth it. That whatever this thing is between us… We don’t have to ignore it. Not when there’s time left.

Because whether I touch her or not, it’s going to hurt when she leaves. That’s inevitable.

Before I can talk myself out of this again, because I know damn well I will, I set the mug down and head straight to the main house.

Chapter Twenty Two

Maeve

My morning porch routine has been ruined by Wade's absence. Or rather, ruined by my own stupidity for becoming a girl who actually cares whether a bloke wants to spend time with her. Like come on, girl. Get a grip.

This is exactly why I don’t do routines—whether that’s this stupid morning routine, or something bigger—with others. Because when you start to get used to them, they leave and you’re left behind.

The chair swings ever so slightly as I sip my coffee. The one that’s almost ice cold due to my overrunning thoughts taking up my attention for the past half an hour. I sit horizontally on the chair, with my legs bent up, pulling my stupidly baggy T-shirt over them because I am too lazy to grab one of the blankets from inside the house.

He would have been here by now if it were any other day, but not today. Just like yesterday. I waited for him longer than I care to admit because it doesn’t feel right without him now. This porch stopped feeling like a place I come to by myselfand started feeling like ours. Our place to just be us, whatever that looks like in this weird situation

Part of me shouldn’t be surprised though; I did say I needed time to think after that kiss. That very good, very intense kiss. He probably is just giving me the time I asked for, but I just didn’t realise how empty this small part of my day would feel without him here.

I wasn’t this rational yesterday. Not one bloody bit. In fact, I was raging thinking about how he has practically kissed and ghosted me. Which, in hindsight, was dramatic. As it was my day off yesterday, I texted Naomi and finally had the courage, fuelled by desperation to get away from the ranch, to drive to town on my own. We spent the day in the corner booth of Blessed Beans devouring cups of iced coffee while we spoke about everything but Wade, of course. I don’t think I’d be all that great at hiding how I am feeling, never really been my forte. As Iris always tells me, my face says it all.

Instead, I listened to Naomi talk about how drastic her life has changed over the past six months, from finishing business school to getting the shop up and running and ending things with Colt. She mentioned that she thought he would be the one. Your very typical small-town childhood sweetheart story. She veered off saying that he is the sweetest boy he knows but just needs to love himself first before he loves others. In doing so, she quoted the wise words of drag royalty RuPaul, “If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else?” We laughed so much together, and it took my mind off of everything, even if it was only for a short while.

This all felt strangely normal. The kind of afternoon most people probably wouldn't think twice about. But for me, friendships didn’t happen often because everywhere felt temporary. Like it wasn’t my place. But this feels different, so I’mallowing myself the opportunity to lean into my new connections, including Naomi, who I’ve come to value so much.

When it was time for her to leave, I decided to stay and read the day away.

Unfortunately, today I cannot do that. I have to stick around and work. Just enjoy the quiet time before the hustle and bustle of the day, I try to convince myself.

I begin reading, this time choosing a book about fae, and not cowboys. Just as I am about to wrap my head around all the complex world-building, I hear the creak of footsteps come from behind me.

In an instant, I swing my legs out of my shirt and sit on the chair how it’s made to be sat on. There he is, at the top of the small porch steps. He came. And then, he walks into the house with no words. Fucking rude cowboy twatface.