Page 63 of Hope and Hot Chocolate on Mistletoe Lane

I met his eyes over the battery, and let my mask slip. ‘She… she was?’

He reached out and touched my shoulder. ‘Definitely. Take it from me, there was something there between you even before she spent the night.’

‘How the hell do you know about that?’

‘Lewis heard it from Rach, she heard it from her mum who heard it from Mrs Andrews.’

‘I knew she watched my apartment,’ I said, groaning. The older lady lived opposite the café and had often told my mum things she’d seen me do over the years like not putting the right bin out or the time I came home drunk and spent ten minutes trying to unlock my door.

‘Yeah, you can’t keep much quiet in Birchbrook when it comes to love lives.’

‘How did Rach take it?’ I asked as I moved out of the room, lugging the battery with me.

‘You could ask her; she’s here with her nephew again. Sometimes, I think she’s trying to bump into you.’

We walked past the ice rink and I looked out at the ice and saw her nephew skating but no sign of Rach. ‘Maybe it’s best left alone. Cheers for this, Elliot. As soon as Willow gets a new one, I’ll bring it back,’ I said, relieved that he kept an emergency battery on the premises so we could get Willow’s generator up and running today.

‘Happy to help, you know that. Let’s get a drink at the weekend?’

‘Sure.’

Elliot waved and hurried back towards his office and I watched him go, knowing that he could get frustrated that I was a man of few words but glad that sometimes, I didn’t need to say anything for him to understand everything.

I went back outside but then I heard my name being called. I turned to see Rach walking down the corridor holding two Coke cans. I shifted the weight of the battery to my other side as I waited for her to reach me, hoping I could put the damn thing down soon.

‘Hi, Paul. You’re not at the farm? My family are all coming along this weekend to see the winter wonderland.’

‘Great,’ I said. ‘Going back now – we needed to borrow this from Elliot.’ I nodded down to the battery. I turned to go but then I paused, seeing her warm smile. Guilt washed over me as I thought about what Elliot had told me back there. ‘I’m sorry, Rach,’ I said out of nowhere.

‘For what?’ she asked, raising an enquiring eyebrow.

‘How I was with us,’ I blurted out. It was awkward under the fluorescent lights of the ice rink lobby, grey carpet tiles under our feet, and a huge battery in my arms, but I knew I hadn’t been a good boyfriend. ‘How I treated you. You deserved better.’

She was surprised. ‘Oh, well, yeah, I guess I wanted more than you wanted to give.’

I winced. ‘Shit, I’m sorry. You’re right, though.’

‘I hoped you’d change your mind but I saw you with Holly and I guess that made me realise I just wasn’t the one for you. I was broken-hearted but now, I think it’s for the best.’ She smiled then. ‘There’s someone that I think might be right for me. It’s early days but…’ She trailed off but looked happy.

‘That’s great,’ I told her sincerely. ‘That’s only what you deserve.’ I should have been surprised she had seen something between me and Holly back when we first came to the ice rink together but after what Elliot said, I supposed I had smiled whenever Holly was near me, a pretty big sign that she made me happy. I wanted to feel that spark again and I was determined to, even if she wasn’t the one who would give it to me.

‘Thank you for saying sorry; that means a lot, actually.’ She turned to go, then looked back. ‘Don’t be afraid to open up to people. You’re a great guy, Paul. You deserve someone special too.’

‘That’s very gracious of you,’ I said. I knew she was being sweeter than she needed to be. Hell, she was probably within her rights to give me a slap. ‘I’m always here if you need anything,’ I added, meaning it. ‘I need to get going.’

She waved. ‘Merry Christmas, Paul.’

‘Merry Christmas, Rach.’

I left the ice rink feeling a whole lot lighter. I knew I’d held myself back from Rach and hadn’t given her my heart and now that I knew what it was like to do that, I felt even worse that our relationship had been so one-sided. I hoped she’d forgiven me. And I was glad she had found someone she could be happy with.

I heaved the battery into the café van and set off back for the farm, wishing I knew what Holly was doing right now. Talking about her with Elliot and Rach and earlier with Willow kept making me think about her. Rach said I should open up and let people in, but I had done that with Holly and she had still left. Like last time.

But I was different now, I knew that. And I was making changes to my life here. I couldn’t begrudge Holly doing the same thing in the city. I knew I hadn’t imagined how right we had felt in my flat together. Maybe she would see it too, in time.

I paused before I drove off, wondering if I should message her. In the past, I hadn’t done that and had regretted it so to carry on trying to be a better man this Christmas, I pulled my phone out and sent her a quick text.

Then I drove back to her winter wonderland, saving it for Willow and Dylan, for myself and the café, and for the town, but if I was honest, trying to save it mostly for Holly.