Page 35 of Rush

I can only nod, still feeling the way my lips tingle. “I will. You too.”

Jameson makes sure I get in my Jeep and I see him in my rearview mirror, waiting until I’m driving out of the parking lot. My heart aches and guilt blooms in my stomach. Leaving for my aunt’s house doesn’t feel how it normally does. It feels wrong driving away from Jameson, the loneliness of not having him next to me sits heavy in my chest.

Three hours later, two of which Dylan slept before we had to stop at a gas station and let her use the bathroom, we pull into my aunt’s neighborhood. It may be the day before Thanksgiving, but several of the houses in the neighborhood are already decked out in Christmas lights. Dylan is in awe looking at all the colorful lights. My mom’s vehicle is already parked in the driveway and I pull in right next to her. The sky is now dark, and I grab my cell phone quickly sending a text to Jameson to let him know we made it.

ME: Here! Dylan slept the majority of the way.

KANE: Did you get karaoke time in then?

ME: You know it ;)

KANE: Give my little Pretty Girl a hug and kiss goodnight. Talk tomorrow?

ME: Absolutely! Night Kane.

Smiling at his request, I get out of my Jeep and grab our bags before helping Dylan out of her seat. With her little hand in mine, we walk up to my aunt’s front door. I knock and a few seconds later it swings wide open.

“Sammy?” She blinks, like she’s surprised to see me. “You’re here?”

I laugh and shuffle Dylan in the door. “Yup! Couldn’t miss my favorite family holiday.”

Aunt Paisley looks from me to Dylan then to Allie who has walked over to hug her niece.

“Where else would she be, Paisley?" my mom says, walking over and taking Dylan’s bag before surprising me with a hug. Her words hit different than she intended because the second I hear them, Jameson’s face flashes in my mind, and I tense in her hold.

Aunt Paisley laughs and shakes her head. “Of course. Okay, well let's get you girls settled.”

She leads us upstairs to the bedroom I used for a year when Dylan was first born. Instead of a crib in the corner, a little toddler bed now sits. Dylan throws her blanket on top before turning to charge back down the stairs. Slowly, I let my bag drop to the bed, my eyes scanning the space. The usual feeling of home doesn’t follow. That same loneliness from earlier creeps back in, and I suddenly feel like I made a big mistake.

sam

. . .

Jameson loved your photo.

Clicking open my messages, I see the notification on the image I sent him bright and early while Dylan was wearing her turkey T-shirt with messy bedhead hair and eating breakfast. I smile imagining him opening it and laughing. Our little girl can be hilarious. My smile fades though when I picture him getting ready for work, not even taking the day off for himself. I wonder if he’ll even get a break or a chance to eat a meal. My stomach clenches and tears burn my eyes. I know Mr. Kane and Johnny are planning to come this weekend, but it isn’t the same as today. Jameson is stuck in Michigan by himself.

My heart feels heavy as I walk down the stairs and to the kitchen. I catch Dylan playing with her doll set up in the living room and A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is playing in the background. Voices are talking in the kitchen and then there's a bang on the counter, an echo of a dish hitting it too hard. As I round the corner, everyone turns to look at me and the atmosphere becomes tense. My gaze swings to my sister who offers me a timid smile.

“Everything okay?”

Mom grabs for the wine bottle and pours herself a full glass, her glare intent on Aunt Paisley. Allie never takes her gaze off me. Aunt Paisley turns from the stove top and folds her arms over her chest.

“I was just telling your mom that I was surprised to see you here today,” she says, cautiously and casually.

I laugh. “Why? We always do Thanksgiving together as a family. Girls’ weekend.”

My aunt’s eyes flash a little. “I had told your mom I would understand if you didn’t come here today since it seemed like you might have your own family plans and it's a long drive from Michigan.”

My body freezes and my mind reels. I’m so used to doing what’s expected of me and what my mom wants that I didn’t even consider not coming yesterday when I could have stayed in Michigan. I think about my friends and them choosing to stay close to the men they love and are in a relationship with. Their families are coming to them and working around their various schedules. Not mine. My mom has drilled it into my head that I be present with family, and she made it known she does not view Jameson as family, no matter how much I care about him.

“You know I’m seeing Jameson again?” I ask, even though I can guess the answer. She clearly thought I’d be spending the holiday with him and Dylan as a family rather than coming to her house.

Aunt Paisley’s brow rises. “I didn’t know you were seeing him again. Your mom just said he’s been around. I thought maybe you both would be sharing Dylan for the holiday.”

My stomach sinks. I feel like such a bitch. I didn’t even think that this is the second year in a row where I’ve taken Dylan away for Thanksgiving and she’s not seen her daddy the day of. Tears spill over and onto my cheeks.

“They aren’t in a relationship, Paisley,” my mom argues, her glass of wine half gone. “Besides, once he figures out how not easy it is to care for a toddler full-time, he’ll likely slip off the face of the earth again.”