Page 26 of Rush

My cheeks flush, and my stomach drops. Our parents are going to know we’ve had sex. Not that we were advertising it or ever flaunting it. Maybe they suspected it, but a baby is an obvious giveaway that it was happening.

“Thanks, Mr. Kane.” I skirt around the poor man, putting us both out of our misery and head downstairs to the basement where Jameson’s room is. His door is closed, and when I knock lightly, he opens immediately.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home resting?”

My brow rises and I push my way past him into his bedroom. His bedspread is rumpled and his desk light is on, notebook open. “You left right after school. I thought we should talk about what I told you earlier. Does your dad know?”

He takes a deep breath and exhales. His hands reach for me and he settles me on the edge of the bed before sitting across from me in his desk chair. Jameson looks nervous. He’s never nervous.

“I’m sorry I left. I just needed to think about some things. Yes, I told my dad.”

My shoulders cave in, and my head drops. I hate that he needed time to think without me, while also understanding it at the same time. I’ve been holding this secret for a while. I know we need to tell our parents eventually, but I was hoping it would come later, after we had a chance to talk about what we wanted to do and made a plan. “Is he mad?”

A rough laugh comes out of him and he shakes his head. “He isn’t mad. Disappointed this didn’t happen until after graduation at least, but not mad.”

Some of the anxiousness I’d been feeling disappears and I can finally bring myself to meet his gaze. It feels like a gut punch to see the worry and panic in his eyes. “Jameson, I’m keeping the baby.”

His lips part and he nods his head. “I’ll do whatever you want to do, Sam.”

His words are nice, but they aren’t the declaration of love and excitement I’d been hoping for. It was stupid to think he would feel the same endearing love for the baby that I did right away. I knew without a doubt that I wanted any part of Jameson that I could have. But I guess at eighteen, with a month left until graduation, and all future plans being altered, I should just be grateful. He isn’t angry. He isn’t breaking up with me over it or telling me he wants no part in the baby’s life.

I still feel the sting of the memory and the rush of embarrassment that follows it. “We never really talked about it. I made the choice and you said you’d do whatever I wanted. Sometimes I feel guilty that I didn’t let you at least voice your opinion.”

Dylan runs past us, giggling as she goes back around the princess castle sculpture, completely oblivious to the conversation happening around her. Jameson’s eyes follow her, protectively, before coming back to me.

“Sam, I’ll admit that day didn’t go at all how I thought it would. I went home to think because I wanted to get it right when we talked. My dad was there and I told him and he gave me some advice. He pretty much told me whatever happens it’s your choice. And when we told your mom, she pulled me aside and told me the same thing: that you called the shots and I should do whatever you wanted,” he tells me, his chin tips down and I can’t see the expression on his face any longer.

The few tears I’d been holding back start rolling down my cheeks. I wipe them away furiously. “So you just went along with whatever I wanted because you thought you had to?”

His head snaps back up, our gazes collide. Jameson steps toward me, his hands grasping me by my elbows. “Have I ever done anything because I had to? Sam, I made it my priority to give you anything you wanted when we were sixteen. Telling me you were pregnant threw me for a loop, but never once did I regret what happened or not want our baby. I wanted her the second you told me the news.”

A small sob escapes, and before I know it, I’m hauled against Jameson’s chest while his hand gently rubs the back of my head. I wish we hadn’t taken so long to have this conversation. If I could go back to that day, I would have tried harder. I remember my mom talking with Jameson privately, but I never asked what she said. Knowing both his dad and my mom had basically told him not to say anything about how he felt and just let the choice be mine upsets me. I would have rather heard his excitement. Because just like Jameson, I knew I wanted Dylan the second I saw those two pink lines. Instead, I lived two years thinking he was mad at me for not giving him a choice or weighing all our options.

“I didn’t know my mom had said anything to you. I know we can’t go back, but I am sorry I didn’t try more to understand where your head was at. It just felt like I didn’t give you a choice and I guess I always felt guilty.”

Jameson shakes his head before leaning down and pressing his lips to the center of my forehead. “Don’t. Don’t be sad. Don’t feel guilty. Just know I’m exactly where I want to be and that I love our daughter.”

“She loves you too, Kane. You’re such a good daddy.” I squeeze him around the waist before stepping back. This time tears shimmer in his eyes too.

Dylan runs up to us, grabbing our hands and leading us over to the next sculpture. My heart feels lighter the rest of the afternoon as I spend time with my family. Goosebumps spread over my skin every time Jameson’s gaze lands on me. A barrier came down between us, but I’m not sure what it means. I just know that the way he’s watching me gives me butterflies. When it’s time to go, he walks us to my Jeep and helps buckle Dylan into her car seat before kissing each of her cheeks until she’s giggling. He closes her door and turns to me next. I open my mouth to thank him, but I stop when he turns us, so that my back is pressed against the door and his chest is flush against mine. My head spins and my cheeks blush. He smells delicious and my first instinct is to wrap my arms around his neck, something I haven’t done in a long time.

“Do you have any plans this weekend?” He asks.

My eyes meet his, and I feel the intensity of his stare, of having his full attention, just like when we were together. “I have Dylan, but we don’t have any plans.”

He nods. “Do you think we can get a sitter for Saturday night? I was thinking we could have dinner. Just me and you.”

“Dinner? Me and you?” I’m about to start babbling from nerves and need to get a grip, but my heart is racing so hard in my rib cage that it might explode.

Jameson smirks and his eyes drop to my lips, not lingering but just long enough to make me wonder what if he did lean down and kiss me. When our eyes meet again, I know he can see the heat in my gaze. “Just me and you. Will you go out on a date with me?”

“I…” I can’t believe he really wants that. Jameson has made me speechless.

He chuckles, the sound echoes through my chest. “Please, Sam. I want to try again.”

“I do too.” I nod my head in agreement. Hope flows through my veins and I smile.

Jameson tucks me into my Jeep, making sure I buckle and tells me to drive safe. The whole time I can’t wipe the happy look off my face. All I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs how excited I am. I’m going out on a first date with my ex.