Page 16 of Rush

I can feel my blush creep down my neck, and I throw a piece of popcorn at her. “Hey! To be fair, as Mac so kindly pointed out, I don’t think I’ve ever really been on a first date.”

“I’m confused?” Isla says, reaching forward to grab a little cheese cake slider off the table.

“Girl, same.” Emma giggles.

I shrug again, avoiding their eyes. “Jameson was always my friend. My best friend for so long. We ate out together all the time. We did everything together. Then one night he was like I’m your boyfriend and he kissed me and then we were dating. There was no first date, really.”

“Awww. I both love and hate that for you.” Emma sighs, her eyes turning misty. “He was your one but at the same time you didn’t get the good first date butterflies and excitement.”

“I mean anytime I was with Jameson I had butterflies,” I tell them, leaning back on the sofa. “I never cared about the before moments because I was just happy to be with him.”

Once again, they all fall silent. I can feel their eyes on me.

“Sammy,” Riley starts, and I can tell she’s choosing her words carefully, thoughtfully, the way a best friend does. “I think if you have any feelings at all for Jameson, you guys need to have a discussion. You owe it to him to tell him your reasoning.”

“And if it's too late?”

“At least then you’ll know. Then you can let go of the guilt and start to heal and move on," she finishes.

Isla gives me a small smile. “I’m new here. I don’t know the whole history, but I think if a man moves his life to be here for his child, that's pretty serious. And if he goes out of his way to make sure you know it's also because of you, then I think maybe that hug you saw wasn’t what it seems.”

“I’m with Isla,” Emma adds before her smile slips. “Despite my current outlook on relationships, I think Jameson is trying. And you’re right Sam, he is a good dad. He always has been since the day my little bestie was born.”

I dip my head and quickly wipe away the tears on my cheeks. “I love how good of a dad he is. I’m so scared. I was so foolish back then and trying to make everyone happy.”

“You weren’t,” Riley assures me, her hand on my arm. “You guys were young. In high school. That's a lot for anyone who isn’t expecting or trying to get pregnant. I agree with Emma and Isla. I think Jameson is open to talking if not trying. He’s been fitting himself into your life all week.”

He definitely has and not one time did I question it or dislike it. If anything, I’ve been soaking it up, my heart gorging on every moment that felt like we were a real family. I’ve missed time with Jameson. I’ve missed having his attention and the easy smiles he gave me this week. Smiles that weren’t directed just at our daughter alone. Maybe it’s stupid, but I couldn’t help the small twinge of hope that gave me. My phone lights up in front of me and even from my spot on the couch I can see Jameson's name.

Riley snorts. “His ears must be ringing."

Biting my lip, I reach for it with numb fingers. “I hope nothing is wrong with Dylan.”

I swipe open the notification and see our string of messages. My eyes widen when I take in his text.

KANE: Want to get dinner together tomorrow when I bring Dylan back?

KANE: Dylan is good, just finished watching her movie again an hour ago and is in bed.

My lips twitch just imagining him quickly typing out the last part. He knows me well enough to know I like hearing updates on her, especially the days I don’t have her. Just as I always try to do for him too. I glance up at my friends and see them watching me, knowing smiles on their lips.

ME: Dinner sounds good. Tell my girl I love her.

jameson

. . .

My knuckles turn white as I grip the edge of the vanity sink. There is thirty minutes left until I get to see Sam and I am slowly losing my composure from the wait. I’ve slowly been losing my mind since about nine o’clock last night when I was listening through the device on my phone and heard her tell all her girlfriends about our gritty past, and how she imploded our relationship back then out of misplaced guilt. Back then I sat by and let her push me away out of sheer stupidity. I thought I was doing the right thing after already monumentally fucking everything up. My jaw clenches and I slam my eyes closed while breathing heavily through the torment that has been weighing all night and festering into this morning and afternoon. Not even my happy baby’s cute smile or little giggles while she plays with her toys and listens to her favorite songs can curb what I’m feeling. I am going to erupt and if I don't get it together, everything I have been working on for the past twenty-eight months will be for nothing.

Dylan talks to her stuffed animals and I can see her through the crack in the door, stacking them in their beds with their blankets, putting them to sleep for the evening. I use that time to inhale again and exhale slowly. My fingers dig into my pocket, searching for the scrap of paper that I look at every day. My reminder of what my end goal is.

Prom with Jameson

Graduate

Take a trip to the beach before the craziness starts!

College (Minnesota, Colorado, Michigan)- top three but will consider others