Page 36 of Written In Flesh

My mind rushes with the information, and I slam my eyes shut, willing for any type of recognition or memory. I search for that same feeling, that throb in my head that I had when I watched Lily grip Madden’s arm. “How does Killian fit into everything? Were we friends? He called me little devil. Acted like we were close.”

Baylee’s lips turn up in a sneer. “I never trusted him. You did. When I said you cared less about who was around you, I meant you kept a tight circle. The boys and me. That was it. I remember once I saw you and Killian sitting close together in the library. Madden had left school and didn’t come back until the end of the day for swim practice. You felt sick in third period, and Killian brought you into the hall to get air, then you sat together in the library for the rest of the day. Madden got mad. He brought you into a room at the library, so I’m not sure what was said, but after that, the fracture between Killian and Madden started.”

“Does he think I cheated on him? With Killian?” My brow rises, and I swallow back the distasteful way the words sound on my tongue.

Baylee’s shoulders shrug. “I don’t know. You never told me anything that happened between you guys that way. I asked once, and you said it was council business.”

My palm tingles, and I frown at her. “Baylee.”

She sighs and runs her hands through her hair. “Okay, you didn’t say it was council business. You said it was none of my business because I wasn’t on the council.”

I grab her hand. “I was a bitch then, huh?”

She smiles, it’s small, and then returns the squeeze of my hand. “No. I don’t think you were. You just always looked like you were carrying the weight of our world on your shoulders. Then you had Killian and Madden at odds over you. Aero was caught in the middle, and eventually he sided with Madden.”

“And Lily?” I swallow back the emotion I can’t help but feel when I mention her. The display this afternoon is stuck in my mind. I see her hand grabbing Madden possessively. But I remember her face looking ashen, like she was nervous to be around me.

Baylee watches me closely. “Lily held the boys’ attention as their best friend for years. They were all close since elementary school. Aero was the first to befriend you. You lived with Madden and Heath, but it was almost like they had wrapped you in a bubble. Aero shattered that bubble. You bonded over freaking video games of all things. Then, Killian jumped into being your friend too. Heath always saw you as the big sister he never had. Slowly, the guys gravitated toward you and away from her.”

“Did we leave her out?” I ask, feeling a pit in my stomach form. Maybe that’s why she seems to hate me.

“No. That’s why her attitude made no sense. You didn’t push her out of the group. I never saw you do anything to her, but there were rumors that you scared her. When Madden seemed to favor you, too, was when the rumors started.” Baylee grimaces. “Everyone said you were with Killian and Madden. And that you were rude to Lily. None of that sat well with the guys. Things became tense between you all after the winter break. A few weeks before the incident, you started spending more time with Killian, but Madden was also very public with you. He kissed you in front of everyone one day. Here.” Baylee hands me her phone with an image on it.

“Why didn’t you show me this before?” My eyes roam over the very intimate image. Madden’s hand is banded around my bicep, and he is pushing me into the lockers, his other hand on my chin while he kisses me. My heart flutters in my chest, and that slight twinge behind my eyeball kicks up again. My hands drop Baylee’s phone on my lap.

“Skully,” Baylee says my name softly. “Are you okay?”

“It’s not a memory, but my brain reacts to things I’m seeing. Just now with this picture, and when I saw Lily grab Madden’s arm,” I tell her, my voice low, and my throat thick with emotions I can’t name. “This picture hurts.”

Baylee grabs the phone from me gently. We sit in silence while I process her version of events. I can’t let myself believe everything is as she says. There are different sides to everything. And somewhere in the middle is my truth. I just want to remember what that is.

“What are you going to do?”

I sigh, a laugh escaping at the same time. “I have no idea. I want to avoid it all. Them, my family, our history. But I’m starting to think I won’t get answers or my memories that way. My memories are reacting to things I’m seeing. I think I need to keep seeing them. I’m going to have to be around them. Maybe then it will fix things.”

Baylee’s eyes roam over my face, and I can read the concern in hers. “What if it isn’t safe?”

“I’ve never been safe in River Falls, Bay. I don’t need my memories to know that. I already feel it.”

My attention falls to the largest window in the living room. The curtains are pulled back. The sky is filled with stars tonight, and the bare trees are blowing in the slight breeze. I didn’t want to come back. I don’t want to stay. But I’m starting to realize that the only way to fix me might be by doing the one thing that scares me the most, confronting Madden.