Page 86 of Semantics

“Oh, you did. It was just ten years ago, when I tried to get a candy bar out of the vending machine.”

“What?” Violet asked. “Oh! Yeah, I remember now. I walked by you, and you were shaking the thing.”

“I wasn’t shaking it. I smacked it a few times because the thing got stuck, and not everyone had endless money for food while they were in another country.”

“If you didn’t have money for food, why were you buying a candy bar?”

“I had enough money for the candy bar. I didn’t want my money to go to waste, so I smacked the machine. You saw me and called me an idiot as you walked by. The candy bar fell down, by the way.”

“Good for you. Why are you holding this over me ten years later?”

“Because you’re acting like I’m totally crazy for thinking that you might want to talk to me before we have sex.”

“I don’t think you’re totally crazy. This just came out of the blue for me.”

“How?”

“Stella, is it…” Violet took a deep breath and let it out. “Is it really just dinner and some mood lighting, or is there something more to it? Please be honest with me.”

When Jen had texted Stella earlier that she had found herself a date and was canceling her dinner with Stella, Stella had instantly thought of having Violet over for dinner. She’d also thought about how it had taken Violet a long time to fall asleep, and she’d held her in the hopes that it would help. It still took a while, but Violet had eventually fallen asleep, and at some point, Stella had rolled away. She only knew that because when she’d woken to go to the bathroom, Violet had been wrapped around her body. She hadn’t wanted to move, but she’d needed to go, so she’d slipped out, and when she’d gotten back into the bed, Violet had, again, been facing away from her, so Stella had taken a chance. She had moved in to hold her once more. Now, she considered how best to answer Violet’s question, and based on how Violet had acted so far, she wasn’t sure that she should be honest. If she were honest, Violet would probably leave. If she lied, she could convince her to stay, and they could be eating pasta soon and be in bed right after that.

“It’s a date,” she replied, deciding to be honest after all. “Well, it’s not, technically, unless you say that it is because I didn’t ask you out before you got here, and you should probably consent to being on a date with me.”

“You want to go out with me?”

“Well, stay in with, but… I don’t know, Violet. I like you, okay? I didn’t expect to, but I do now, and I liked sleeping over last night. I also liked it when you were here the night you got drunk and we didn’t do anything. It was nice. I liked the text messages and–”

“Stella, we said this was just sex.”

“I am aware. But, Violet, you held me last night.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Last night, I woke up with you holding me.”

“No, you were the one holding me.”

“I held you when you were still awake, yes. You didn’t exactly push me away.”

“I wasn’t awake.”

“Then, how did you know that I was holding you?”

Violet looked around, her eyes flitting, and Stella knew what she was about to do.

“You’ve got to go, right?”

“Yes. My bag?”

“I put it on your… the other side of the bed.”

Violet turned around, saw her bag, picked it up, and put it over her shoulder.

“You know, Jen warned me, and I didn’t listen because I thought there wasn’t a chance I’d be able to put how you made me feel back then behind me. It’s like you make me feel like the idiot you called me, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to let that go, but then I thought about how you must have not seen me as an idiot after all because you saw me at least as a worthy opponent in everything academic. I still didn’t think I’d get past it, but we are very compatible in bed, so I thought if it’s just that, I can. Then, we started talking, and, I don’t know; something changed. I don’t care about how things were in school anymore. It seems so silly to worry about that when you’re here now, and you’re different. I mean, I know you’re the same, too, but you’re also not, and I actually like who you are now.”

“But, Stella, this isn’t what we agreed to.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have sprung this on you. And Jen is absolutely going to tell me that she told me so, but I can’t help it. I liked hanging out with you last night, Vi. I liked this morning, too. I lost track of time. Do you know how rarely I do that?” She smiled at Violet. “But if you’re not there, I… get it.”