Page 31 of Semantics

Violet sighed, turned the car off, grabbed her purse, the cup, and got out of the car. Her self-control was manageable, she thought as she threw the cup away in the nearest trash can and walked aimlessly on the sidewalk. She could do this. She could turn around, grab some pizza, and go back home. Right as Violet was about to do just that, though, someone opened the door to the bar, and she could hear the usual bar sounds flowing outside from within: laughter, music, people talking, and maybe a game on the TV. She bit her bottom lip, grunted, and her body turned on its own, with her hand grabbing that door just as it was about to close.

Violet held on to it for a moment before committing to actually going inside, but then, she was taking steps. Her feet carried her into Buddy’s and planted themselves in front of the door. Her eyes flitted around the bar, looking for Stella, praying that she didn’t see her because this move was an obvious one, and she knew it. Stella had told her that she’d be here, giving her an easy way to avoid her, so Violet being there meant that she hadn’t been able to resist seeing Stella again after what she’d said to her only a few hours ago.

She found Stella sitting in a booth in the corner, with a woman with long blonde hair sitting across from her, facing away from Violet. Stella was laughing at something the woman had said, which made Violet glare before she could stop herself. She didn’t care for Stella laughing at something another woman had said. She made her feet move and carry her over to a table that would not only give her a view of Stella, but it would also give Stella a view of her if Stella looked away from the woman who was currently still making her laugh. Violet knew she was being obvious now, but there was something in her that didn’t care.

When she’d first gotten to Amsterdam, she’d wanted to have fun, be a normal college student, not worry about school as much because she should be able to hold her own in the program, and while she’d still wanted the top GPA to brag to her parents about, she hadn’t expected that to be a difficult thing to achieve. She’d wanted long nights at bars and clubs, dancing, drinking, and even the hangovers the next morning. She’d wanted a woman or two to flirt with her, even though she never would’ve done anything with them because she’d been taken. Violet had wanted to feel normal for the first time in her life, blend in, and not be the richest kid anywhere she went, including at a university with a lot of other rich kids. It had all been too much to ask of herself because that wasn’t her, but now, ten years older and wiser, Violet wondered if maybe it could be.

“What can I get you?” a waitress asked, placing a napkin down on her table.

“Oh, nothing. I’m driving.”

“You just want to sit at the table at a bar? You have to order something.”

“Bottled water?”

“Sure. Whatever.”

Violet returned her attention to Stella after the waitress walked off, and when she did, she noticed that Stella was now staring back at her. Stella smirked when she noticed her looking at her, and Violet forced her eyes to remain on Stella’s. She would not be the first to pull away. She would be confident and show Stella with her eyes that she had understood what Stella had done earlier by telling her that she’d be here tonight, and she’d come here to spite her regardless. When Stella licked her lips, though, Violet nearly lost her resolve. Stella then picked up her beer and took a drink, keeping her eyes squarely on hers, and Violet almost looked down at the table, but she hadn’t. She held Stella’s challenging gaze, and when Stella looked back at the woman across from her, Violet felt like she’d won their battle.

“I can just go,” she mumbled to herself.

She’d done it. She had challenged Stella right back, so she reached into her purse, found a ten-dollar bill, placed it on the table for the bottle of water that she’d ordered, and stood up. She didn’t look back at Stella to see if she noticed because that would be admitting that she cared, and Violet wasn’t going to admit that to Stella. She hurried out of the bar and rounded the corner to get back to her car.

“Violet!”

Violet snapped her head at the sound of her name and noticed Stella jogging toward her.

“What the hell was that?” Stella asked when she caught up to her and stood a few feet away from Violet.

“What was what?”

“Come on. You know what.”

“No, I don’t.”

“God, you are exhausting,” Stella said with a little laugh. “Why did you come tonight and just leave? Again.”

“I forgot you were going to be here, and when I–”

“Bullshit. Just stop.” Stella waved her off. “You came here for a reason. It’s because of what I told you earlier. I was meeting someone here tonight, and you got curious. Just be real for a minute.”

“I have to go, Stella. I’m meeting someone myself.”

“No, you’re not,” Stella said, taking a step toward her. “Do you have any idea how infuriating you are?”

“You don’t have to insult me.”

“You wore a suit jacket out to a bar, and your shirt is tucked into slacks.”

“So? I don’t–”

“You’re wound so tight. You always have been.” Stella took another step toward her. “I cannot believe I didn’t see how much I wanted to unwind you back then until this week. Part of me knew I wanted it, I’m sure, but I really get it now.” She looked down at Violet’s belt and then back up into her eyes. “Did it bug you?”

“What?” Violet asked and swallowed.

“Me being there with another woman. Is that why you stared me down and left?”

“No. Where is your date, by the way? Shouldn’t you be inside with her right now, buying her another drink?”