Page 41 of A Soul’s Awakening

“Theo!” Ren’s chest was heaving, eyes wide and glassy, pupils blown wide. I descended lower, training kisses down his chest, until suddenly the world stopped spinning. “Theo, stop!”

His words hit like cold water and I froze.

Ren’s lips were swollen from kissing, cheeks flushed dark, nipples still peaked and glistening from my mouth. But something else was there now. Worry flickered behind the desperate lust.

“Stop,” he repeated, quieter, almost pleading. His hand shot up to grip my wrist … not hard, but firm. “I … I can’t do this with you.”

The words landed like a slap, sharp and stinging across my burning face. Heat flooded my cheeks, my neck, my ears, but it was the hot, humiliating shame that made my stomach lurch.

I knew something had been bothering Ren by the way he kept pushing me away. I thought maybe it had been the secret about Caspian, but it was something deeper, something that involved me. And here I was, throwing myself at him like some desperate idiot, convincing myself nothing was wrong. In the end, I should have known he’d shut down.

My hands shook as I yanked them back, scrambling off him so fast the couch creaked under the sudden shift of weight. I stood there for half a second, breathing hard, staring down at the man who was shirtless, flushed, beautiful, and so goddamn infuriating I wanted to scream.

“I … I’m sorry. I didn’t … I’m just gonna go to bed. I’m tired.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I turned and bolted toward the stairs.

“Theo, wait—”

“Ren.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, exhaling some of my anger. “Ever since we came back from the underworld, you’ve been pulling me close only to push me away. You know how I feel about you, and you’re going to wreck me if we keep going back and forth like this. If you don’t want to be together, then fine. I’ll respect your decision. Just … please stop stringing me along. My heart can’t take it.”

I stormed up the stairs before Ren could say anything else and slammed the bedroom door behind me. After changing into a pair of flannel pajama pants and an old t-shirt, I crawled into bed, squeezed my eyes shut, and gritted my teeth as I buried my face in my pillow. I was thankful we were the only ones home. Stella and Ivy were still working, and Thomas had coaxed Alex to spend the night at his place to give us some privacy. I hated myself for running away like a coward, but at the same time, if he really did want a relationship with me, he had to trust that we could have these difficult conversations without judgment.

A soft knock sounded from the other side of the bedroom door.

“Theo. Can we talk?”

I almost shut him down, telling him I was too tired, but if Ren was willing to talk, then the least I could do was listen.

“Come in.”

The door slowly creaked open. I was facing the far wall, but I saw through the dresser mirror that he had put his shirt back on and buttoned his jeans. The mattress dipped when he crawled into bed next to me.

“It was hard enough for me to tell you about my past with your family. I struggled with telling you about Caspian. But you’re right. There is something else bothering me, and I really don’t want to talk about it,” he began. He was lying there next to me, but kept his distance between us.

“I know,” I responded.

“But I also … don’t want to lose you again. So I’m going to try my best. You just have to bear with me. It’s … complicated.”

I rolled over to look him in the eye. “Complicated? Ren, it’s only complicated because you won’t talk to me. Did I do something wrong?”

“No! You did nothing wrong, Theo. I just … this is kinda embarrassing, but … have you ever cared about someone so deeply that you start to wonder if your feelings for them might end up being what hurts them?”

I scrunched my brows. “The only hurt I’m feeling is that you don’t trust me enough to talk to me about it.”

“It’s just … being with me isn’t safe.”

I sighed, trying to exhale the frustration building inside me. “Ren, we’ve been running from danger since the day I met you at the museum and released Thomas from that urn. If there’s any place that’s safe, it’s with each other. But if you aren’t comfortable talking about it with me, I understand. I won’t force you to do that. Let’s just forget—”

“Theo, that’s not fair.”

“None of this is fair, Ren! Why won’t you—”

“Because I’m going to fucking kill you!” Ren blurted out.

Silence hung in the air as confusion twisted my thoughts. I couldn’t tell if he was being figurative or literal.

Ren’s voice dropped, tight with controlled anger. “There. Happy? You finally got it out of me.”

“No. I’m not happy. What the fuck does that mean, Ren?”