Page 62 of I’d Be Honored

Maddie didn’t know what was worse—getting no response from Hayley at all or receiving a text that sounded like it had been typed out by her assistant.

The thought chased itself in circles until long past midnight, keeping her wide awake in bed as she stared out at the dark city through her window. The constant hum of car engines, sirens, and late-night voices had become its own kind of lullaby for her. Maddie liked the way the streetlights spilled into her room and softened the edges of the darkness.

She was finally drifting off when she heard the bedroom door creak faintly. Maddie was so exhausted from nights of broken sleep that she assumed she was imagining it until she felt a hesitant arm wrap around her waist from behind.

Maddie flipped over and found Hayley’s dark eyes staring back at her.

“This must be a really good dream,” she murmured.

Hayley leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Maddie’s forehead, her lips lingering against her skin. “I couldn’t sleep,” she whispered, reaching up to cup her cheek. “I needed to see you.”

Maddie struggled to make sense of Hayley’s mixed messages. “What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry.” Hayley traced her thumb along Maddie’s jaw, tender enough to almost make her forget how upset she had been.

“Talk to me.” Maddie placed her hand over Hayley’s to still her. “I can’t be here for you if you won’t let me.”

Hayley’s gaze shifted past her, and Maddie knew she was holding something back.

“Hayley.” Maddie pushed herself upright, lacing their fingers together. “I don’t want to force you to talk, but you have to give me something. You can’t just keep disappearing, leaving me in the dark, and then show back up when it suits you. I have real feelings for you, Hayley, and every time you pull away, it’s like I’m losing you a little more.”

Hayley finally looked up to meet her eyes, the soft glow from the city lighting her face. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Maddie. Everything was fine before you came into my life, and now I don’t know who I am anymore. How am I supposed to let you hold my heart in your hands when you could throw it away at any time?”

Maddie could hear the tremble in her voice. “I will never break your heart, Hayley. I want to tell you every day how incredible you are and how much you mean to me. I’m not going anywhere. I never will.”

Hayley looked at their fingers, interlaced atop the sheets. “You can’t truly promise that.”

Maddie sighed. “You’re right, I can’t control what life might throw our way. But you have my word that I would never walk away from you. My feelings aren’t ever going to change. But I can’t do this back and forth.” She lifted Hayley’s chin until their eyes met. “Hayley. I want you. All of you. If you’re not ready to give that, then I can’t do this anymore.”

Hayley’s eyes hardened with resolve. She grabbed a fistful of Maddie’s shirt and pulled her down until Maddie was hovering right above her. She looked up, deep into Maddie’s eyes, searching intently for the truth behind the words.

“Kiss me.”

Hayley’s request was barely a rasp, more like a tremor that passed from her lips into Maddie’s veins.

Maddie met Hayley’s lips without urgency, only the steady pull of something that had been building for far too long. The kiss was deliberate and deep, and Maddie could feel the exact moment that Hayley surrendered herself to it.

Hope surged through Maddie. Hayley had shown up for her, had kissed her, but she still feared that it wasn’t enough. Maddie needed to hear the words, the ones that would make the moment more than just a fleeting impulse, brought on by adrenaline and fear—that they were doing this for real.

When their mouths parted, a quiet stillness settled, leaving Maddie feeling exposed and vulnerable. She’d laid her heart out between them, and now all she could do was wait and see what Hayley would do with it.

Maddie rested her head on Hayley’s chest and let their limbs tangle together naturally. With her eyes closed, the boundary between them seemed to dissolve, and they merged into one. There was no line where Hayley ended, and she began. They had sailed way past casual and were now in terrifying, uncharted waters. Maddie was feeling uneasy with a fear unlike anything she’d known before.

MADDIE WOKE TO A COLD, EMPTY bed, the night before already fading into a dream-like haze. At some point, Hayley had slipped out, leaving only a lingering trace of her scent on Maddie’s pillow.

She expected to find Hayley in the kitchen with Gemma, but the house was quiet. Maddie swallowed her disappointment, made a cup of coffee, and got to work on her to-do list. She threw herself into the preparations for the night, grateful for anything that kept her from spiraling over Hayley’s ridiculously mixed signals.

——

Later that evening, Maddie stood in front of the mirror and told herself that the outfit she’d chosen was for Caitlin—for celebrating her best friend. But she knew better. Every choice she’d made lately was for Hayley. The red dress, purchased a few days earlier and deemed scandalous enough to make Gemma’s eyes widen, was bold even for Maddie. It ended high above her mid-thighs, molded to her body like liquid silk, and plunged so low at the neckline that her chest was nearly bare. If it had flustered Gemma, Maddie wanted it to do even more to Hayley.

Maddie had been left without any real clarity from Hayley, and she was determined to press the issue. She’d meant what she’d said the night before—after weeks of emotional rollercoasters, Maddie knew she couldn’t keep holding on indefinitely. It was time to get off the ride, with or without Hayley.

When the doorbell rang, Maddie closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath before stepping into her role of hostess for the evening.

Nine women trickled into the brownstone, and Maddie greeted them one by one with a sparkling glass of champagne. Some of Caitlin’s friends from LA had flown to New York together, arriving in a lively cluster. Darbie, Gemma’s first friend from Westmore High School, had driven up from New Hope, Pennsylvania, a relic of their shared past. Two women from NYPD Intelligence had also joined the gathering at Gemma’s invitation. They now all congregated in the kitchen, forming a warm, buzzing blend of mismatched voices to celebrate the love that bonded Caitlin and Gemma.

While they waited for the limousine, Maddie’s eyes kept returning to the doorway. Hayley was late, which was nothing new, but she was growing more unsettled by the minute. The way that Hayley seemed to slip in and out of life like a ghost both irritated and pained Maddie at the same time.