Page 27 of I’d Be Honored
“They went out for drinks. I wanted them to have some girl time together,” Gemma said with a teasing grin, “so I stayed in.” She studied Hayley, her expression hardening. “And now I’m glad I did. What’s going on?”
“I got what I wanted, so it doesn’t even make sense,” Hayley groaned, holding her head in her hands.
Gemma turned, leaning an arm against the back of the couch to face Hayley. “Care to elaborate?”
“Maddie,” Hayley muttered, her shoulders slumping. “I wanted her to leave me alone.”
“But now that she has, you miss her,” Gemma finished, saying what Hayley was unable to put into words.
She leaned her head back against the sofa and closed her eyes.
Inhale—one, two, three, four.
Exhale—one, two, three, four.
“I always knew we’d be having this conversation one day,” Gemma whispered. And then, her voice softening further, “Love is part of the human condition, Hay. I’d hate to see you miss out on it forever.”
“But you said it yourself—I’d break Maddie’s heart. I’m not good for her.”
“I’m still not telling you to sleep with her. But if you miss her that much, well, we both know nothing can change your mind once it’s set on something.” Gemma let out a short, dry laugh, and Hayley smiled. “It’s okay to like her, you know, everyone does. Maddie’s easy to like. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be her friend. You can get to know her and still keep it in your pants. But let me ask you something.”
Hayley opened her eyes at her friend’s tone and rolled her head along the cushion to look over at Gemma, who was watching her intently.
“Was there ever a time you wanted a fairytale ending for yourself?”
Hayley’s palms grew clammy. She let the silence stretch between them.
“Yes,” she finally breathed, her voice so low that it was barely audible.
But that doesn’t matter anymore, Hayley wanted to say, I’m not strong enough for it.
Gemma slowly nodded as if she could hear Hayley’s thoughts. “I know you don’t like to talk about how hard those years were, but I think maybe you should try.”
Hayley shook her head. Why were people always telling her she needed to relive the worst years of her life? That’s what she was trying to avoid. She’d spent the last sixteen years making sure she never had to hurt like that again.
“I’m too scared,” she confessed, dropping her chin and keeping her eyes glued to her lap.
Gemma moved closer and wrapped her arm around Hayley. “I know it’s scary. You saw how petrified I was to let Caitlin back in, but look at where we are now.” She gestured around their home. There was a new portrait of them hanging above the mantel. “Maybe it’s time to let someone in—someone besides me,” she added quickly before Hayley could protest. “Just to see what happens.”
Hayley curled into Gemma’s side, soaking in the comfort of her embrace. She wasn’t sure she even knew how to let someone in.
Gemma settled them into the cushions, still holding Hayley tight. She reached for the remote and restarted the episode she had been watching. They eased into their usual routine, cuddling on the couch while their favorite reality show, Summer House, played in the background.
Hayley felt her muscles slowly relax, one by one, until her eyelids began to flutter.
She was vaguely aware of a new episode beginning when the faint thud of the front door echoed down the hallway.
“You two look cozy,” Caitlin said, walking into the living room.
Hayley smiled but gently pulled away from Gemma, keeping her eyes fixed on the TV. It sounded like Caitlin was alone, but she didn’t want to get caught searching the doorway behind her for Maddie.
“Hey baby.” Gemma gave Caitlin a quick peck on the lips as Caitlin sat down on Gemma’s other side, sinking into the cushions. “How was your night?”
“We had a blast. Surprised Maddie made it home with me, though.” Caitlin let out a mischievous laugh, shooting a glance toward the entryway as the click of the front door lock carried into the room.
“Oh yeah?” Gemma raised an eyebrow, catching Hayley’s sudden stiffness out of the corner of her eye.
Hayley fought to keep her face blank.
