Page 23 of I’d Be Honored

Hayley followed behind numbly as the group walked toward Caitlin and Gemma’s, a cold sweat prickling across her skin even with the sun already buried behind the skyline. She drew in a long, slow breath through her nose to quell the new coil of nausea in her stomach.

She had almost kissed Maddie.

Again.

A few short months ago, her senses dulled by the thrill of the Oscars—and far too much scotch—Hayley had allowed Maddie to get too close for the first time. As they stumbled out of the afterparty’s doors together, Maddie insisted on seeing Hayley back to Gemma’s safely. She normally would have refused, but for some reason, it felt nice to have someone watch out for her that night.

On the doorstep, their eyes had met in a silent, charged challenge. She still didn’t know who leaned in first. But just as their lips were about to touch, Hayley lurched to the side and reached for the doorknob, desperate to put a barrier between them. The next morning, she had blamed the liquor for the way she had swayed into Maddie.

But she hadn’t been drinking today. Her hands began to tremble as her knees locked up, slowing her pace on the sidewalk.

Gemma turned back, noticing Hayley was trailing behind. “Hay, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Hayley kept her eyes glued to her feet, her voice trembling.

“You’re not.” Gemma halted, gesturing for Caitlin and Maddie to go on ahead. “You look pale. Drink this.” She handed Hayley the bottle she had been carrying.

Hayley gulped the ice-cold water, letting the shock ground her thoughts. “Probably just one too many glasses of Macallan last night.”

Gemma’s eyebrows pinched together with concern as she searched Hayley’s face. She didn’t buy it.

“Maddie tried to kiss me in the dressing room,” Hayley whispered.

“She what?” Gemma sputtered, gripping her by the arm.

Hayley was having trouble meeting Gemma’s eyes. Instead, she focused on the sidewalk ahead.

“She asked me to zip her dress for her, and the next thing I knew, we were face-to-face, and she was leaning in, and then I was leaning in, and…” The thought of kissing anyone, let alone Maddie, made Hayley feel dizzy. “But I didn’t, I promise. I left.” She finally looked Gemma in the eye.

Gemma held her gaze intently and nodded once, but the shadow of concern didn’t vanish.

After a moment, her best friend asked softly, “But did you want to kiss her?”

She understood the weight behind Gemma’s question. Hayley hadn’t kissed anyone since she was a teenager, during her first and only relationship. Sex was one thing, but kissing, kissing was too intimate, too real. It was a hard boundary she’d enforced with all her sexual partners for nearly two decades, and Gemma knew that. Had she wanted to kiss Maddie, though?

Hayley hesitated, a knot tightening in her stomach. “No. Of course not.” Her voice didn’t sound convincing, even to her own ears.

Gemma’s eyebrow inched upward, but all she said was, “Good.”

They fell into a silent rhythm, Hayley keeping her arm linked with Gemma’s for comfort. She no longer felt certain of anything.

Caitlin and Maddie were still a few yards ahead, locked in their own conversation as they reached the front door. Hayley had mere minutes alone with Gemma.

“Who’s Kim, by the way?” she blurted out the question. It had been burning a hole in her mind, and she hoped Gemma would know more about Maddie’s personal life.

Gemma looked at Hayley, narrowing her eyes. “Huh?”

“I saw texts on Maddie’s phone the other day from someone named Kim, and I was just curious if Caitlin had ever mentioned her.”

Gemma pressed her lips together and hesitated before slowly shaking her head. With that, the two entered the brownstone behind Caitlin and Maddie, leaving Hayley unsatisfied with Gemma’s answer.

They all headed straight for the terrace, settling in with glasses of chilled Sancerre in their hands. They huddled together on the U-shaped lounge in front of the outdoor fireplace, its flames kept low against the warm night, lit purely for aesthetics. Fairy lights twinkled above them in private constellations. The sky was clear, but the air on the terrace was crackling with electricity.

Gemma and Caitlin were doing what they often did—speaking in a shorthand language with each other about a topic only they knew.

Hayley sighed, looking down into her glass and swirling it absentmindedly. Sometimes she missed the days before Caitlin had made her grand return into Gemma’s life. Or maybe she was just tired of always feeling like a third wheel.

“You know,” Maddie whispered from beside Hayley, snapping her out of her daze, “we haven’t talked about the bachelorette yet. Any thoughts?”